Slipping Through Our Fingertips
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay. COMPLETE. 'Love is fragile; we're not always its best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can, hoping this fragile thing survives against all odds.'  What happens though when that love is just a little too fragile?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all, it's me! I'm back from all of my travels and have something new for you. And shock horror, it's finished. It's gone exactly how I wanted it to and it isn't an epic! I hope you guys were sitting down for that, haha. Yep, it's totally finished and just waiting to be posted. This story has been brewing for actually well over a year now. It was one of the first oneshots I wrote for 'The Pieces That Fit Together' but that story, surprise surprise, took a whole different route, and this kind of got pushed to the backburner. Now the chapter I'm talking about in question is actually like the last chapter, but whatever.**

**It's set around season 4 and around Personal Foul. I want to note here though that Lindsay didn't fall pregnant that night. Without giving too much away, in this DL don't reconcile as 'well' as we were made to believe on screen, if you could say that. Um, what else might you need to know before we start? Oh, massive massive thank you to Megan for her help, support, suggestions and the a-okay to post! A whole chapter (which neatly ties it all up if I do say so myself) wouldn't exist without her! So thank you Meggie! :)**

So, without further adieu, I present... a still nameless story. Crap, need a title! Good job I'm still editing, isn't it? haha.

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><p><strong>Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse<strong>

_She said 'if we're going to make this work, you've got to let me inside even though it hurts. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see.' She said 'like it or not, it's the way it's got to be; you've got to love yourself if you can ever love me.'_

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><p>"Why are you pushing me away again?"<p>

Running his fingertips through his messy hair in frustration, Danny tried to find composure before he blew up with frustration. "I'm not pushing you away, Lindsay. I'm dealin' with things in my own way. There's a difference. If I was pushing you away, I wouldn't be tellin' you what I'm tellin' you. I need to deal with things properly, and my own way is to do that on my own. You surely understand that. You've been there and I know that you deal with things the same way."

"And what happened the last time that you did that? What happened the last time that I did that? We fell to pieces, Danny; I can't do that again. And I thought that you wouldn't want to do that either. I understand that you're not over what happened to Ruben Danny, trust me, I understand. But we were getting past everything. What's with this massive U turn? Why are you pulling away from me?"

"Listen, I'm not goin' to do that again... I just, I really need for you to back off right now."

"No," she whispered as she shook her head slowly. "I can't and I won't."

"But why?" Danny cried. "Just give me the space I need." He understood why she wanted to help him. Why she wanted to be there for him... but he just couldn't understand why she was being so stubborn about it. What was a little space? A few days for him to get his shit together and he'd be okay again. Why couldn't she understand that?

"Do you remember our conversation when I found out about Ruben? You walked away from me down in the morgue, and I followed you. Do you remember what you said to me?"

Thinking long and hard, Danny couldn't recall exactly what he'd said, but even if he could remember, he figured she was intending on telling him anyway. To answer her, he shook his head slowly.

"You asked me to leave you alone. You told me to back off and to cool down in regards to our relationship. You told me that you wanted to be with me and you cared for me, but couldn't be with me, and that it wasn't me, it was you – you practically threw my own words back at me, and I know that I hurt you when I said that, but Danny, it was like a dagger in my chest."

"I don't understand where you're going with this." He barked, not particularly wanting to hear all that he'd done to her and her to him. It was something he tried very hard to block from his memory.

"I gave you that space Danny, I backed off and let you grieve in the way that you wanted to. I watched you self destruct and I felt as if I couldn't do a thing about it. I knew it wasn't my place because you had asked me to back off and I really wanted to respect that. You not only hurt yourself in that though, you hurt me too."

"I know that Linds, okay? I know..."

"So that's why I'm not backing off," she informed him. "Last time I respected what you wanted and gave you the space you needed. It wasn't my place back then to give you a kick in the ass. This time though? You're my boyfriend and I lost you once and I don't want to do that again. I need you, and I don't care what you say but you need me too.; if you're not over what happened then we can deal with it together Danny. I promise you that I'm gonna be there for you. I can help you through this."

"Babe, I don't need you to get into it with me right now."

"Danny, don't you hear yourself? You're telling me you can't be with me but then call me babe. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"Lindsay no, I want to be with you... I just need space."

"You can't be with me if you need space Danny. You can't have it both ways."

"Lindsay! For fucks sake!"

"Don't curse at me!" she snapped. "Where do you get off treating me like this Danny? Can't you see that I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to be here for you. I'm trying really hard to be supportive and you're making it really hard."

"Maybe I don't want you to help."

"Don't do that," she shook her head. "Don't you dare do that again!"

"Do what again?"

"Make me out to be some type of clingy girlfriend like you did last time. I'm not a clingy girlfriend, I'm a girlfriend that cares and I want to make things better for you. Is that so bad?" She cried tearfully.

"Linds," he let out a sigh as he tried to turn their argument back from shaky grounds. "Listen, I don't think you're clingy okay, I told you that I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I thought you knew that."

"I thought I did." She sighed. "It's just... I just... I don't... God, why do you always have to push me away?"

"I... I don't know," he sighed as he hung his head, accepting the truth to what she was saying; he did push her away – and they both knew it.

She took a deep breath as she steeled herself, but tears began slipping down her cheek as she pulled her legs into her chest and secured them with her arms as she turned and faced him as she curled herself up on the couch. "I let you in so why can't you just let me all the way in? You have everything of me Danny, and you know you do. So why can't you give me all of you?"

He opened his mouth, but promptly closed it again. He'd never really thought about the ways in which he refused Lindsay the last little bit of entry into him. She had most of him, but there were just some places where he couldn't let even himself let go. He wanted to. God did he want to be able to say to her that he let her in wholly and completely, but he still held bits back. He held back his insecurity in their relationship. He'd cheated on her, and he hadn't even been man enough to admit it to her. So while she was desperately clawing at the wall he'd built around himself to get him to let her in, he was locking and dead bolting the door to keep her out. The burden of his secret felt like it was constantly in the pit of his stomach and wouldn't shift. He'd never felt such guilt. Every time he looked into her eyes, he could feel himself faltering under her innocent stare. She was intuitive and he always thought that there was a possibility that she knew what he'd done but then there was always that little bit of him that argued: how could she know? Why would she know? She trusted him and wouldn't expect that infidelity from him; even if they had cooled their relationship off when it happened. In his heart, he still cared for Lindsay and as much as he hated to admit it, it had been cheating. He knew that then, and he knew it now.

He just couldn't change it.

"Danny..." Her little voice infiltrated his thoughts. "Please Danny," her eyes were glassy with tears. "Please let me in."

"I want to." He whispered. "I just... I don't know how."

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><p>Him <em>wanting<em> to let her in hadn't been enough that night.

They'd spent hours going over the same things, the same arguments, and the same excuses until Lindsay broke down completely. She'd sat on the couch they'd once cuddled on together for hours on end and sobbed. She'd sobbed her heart out, and it killed him that there was nothing more he could do. No words were fixing the ruins he found around them. No words offered her the comfort and reassurance that she needed. No words fixed what he'd broken. When he edged closer to her, she'd shoved him away and told him not to touch her. That he wasn't that person for her anymore. She'd told him she couldn't do it anymore and that it was over.

He'd been devastated that he'd lost her again and spent the early hours of the morning begging her to change her mind. She hadn't. She'd walked out around six that morning. As devastated as he'd been about their second break up, he'd also taken it with a pinch of salt. He'd come to realise over time that it had been the entirely wrong attitude to take; but he thought that he knew her, and he thought that she loved him. He envisioned her being mad, give him the cold shoulder, cool off after a while and eventually let him offer her apologies, make it up to her and they'd then be okay.

But she hadn't. She hadn't let him back in. In fact, she too pushed him away; further than she ever had before. She changed her personal cell phone number; she wordlessly passed his things back to him that he'd left at her apartment. She made a point of conversing with him only at work and when it was necessary. But even with such a bleak outlook on their relationship, Danny was sure there was some hope for them. She just needed time. So, he backed off and accepted that he'd pushed the boundaries too far in their relationship... and when she did eventually come back to him; he was going to have to work hard at letting her in. And he'd do it; because he sure as hell wasn't going to screw up _again._

Except, it never happened; in fact, the opposite happened.

She fell in love with someone else.

He wasn't sure how 'in love' she was; but she made a point of him being aware that there was someone new in her life. And that someone new wasn't going anywhere. He tried not to notice the bounce in her step, the constant smile on her face and the healthy glow her skin had taken. He knew from firsthand experience how good of an actress she was and he could see every now and then in her eyes that she missed him. She was just being stubborn. She was standing her ground to show him that she was no longer going to put up with the shit he insisted on putting her through.

At least, that's what he'd told himself.

As the months passed Patrick appeared to be more of a concrete figure in Lindsay's life. Patrick somehow managed to weasel invites to team nights out, Patrick came to meet her after work, and Patrick surprised her with bouquets of gorgeous flowers in _their _office. Patrick this, Patrick that... _Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. _If Patrick knew Lindsay at all, he'd know that she didn't like big bouquets of flowers. She killed them just by looking at them. One little Daisy, or a little Hershey's kiss sat on her desk with a post-it bribing her with the rest of the pack when she got to his was what she liked. She didn't want fuss. The little thoughtful actions spoke loud enough for themselves.

Danny knew that... but then again, where had that knowledge got him? The numerous bouquets of flowers Patrick insisted on showering her with seemed not to be hindering their relationship any. And where was Danny's relationship with Lindsay exactly? A little past rock bottom, he mused miserably.

Patrick's presence pissed Danny off, but it didn't unnerve him. Patrick was someone new; someone passing. He didn't have the history with Lindsay that he did. He'd been there when she'd needed him. He'd flown to Montana. He'd been the one that she'd cried to when the cases were tough. He was the one she'd let go of her inhibitions with while in the heights of passion. He'd had that first, and he'd always have that connection with Lindsay.

But that connection wasn't as strong anymore, and he could feel her slipping through his overly confident fingertips.

And just as he himself hit rock bottom, she dropped the tonne of bricks on him.

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><p><strong>Dun, dun, dun. Cliffhanger? What? Oh yeah, I went there :p <strong>

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this one. In all there are six chapters, so I'd love it if you come back and check the rest out. Also, any thoughts are muchly appreciated; this is a little different to what I usually write, so I hope you guys like it. **

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi all, back again! And can I say quickly a huge thank you to the response this has had so far. I do really appreciate the reviews and the alerts you've given me for this one. I know that S4 stories aren't exactly loved and aren't all too popular, so I really appreciate you guys giving this one a chance! :)****And I can promise (without giving too much away) that in the coming chapters you won't be disappointed. It's probably going to take a while to get there, but it'll be worth it, I promise! What is it that they say, it has to get ugly before it gets pretty... well, it's going to get pretty ugly. But it's all good, it's me and we know this is going to end well. ****And let's face it, it's labeled angst/romance and Danny/Lindsay.**

**Now, with this chapter, I promise you I haven't lost my mind. I haven't. I swear. And I have had a talk with Danny and I've explained to him why I did it, and he understands. He does. He doesn't like it, but he sees where I'm coming from... so please don't be too mad with me. hahaha. **

**... Okay, I realise that last line didn't do much in convincing you all of my sanity, but I swear it's still here. **

**Huge thank you to the reviewers from last chapter, your guys' love was muchly appreciated and a real boost of confidence with this one. **KTmac09, Lady-Buster, kdzl, cklovesm-m, madhatterette, afrozenheart412, brendanakai, Juliab, danny-lindsay4e & 18lzytwner.

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><p><strong>Best Thing I Never Had – Beyonce.<strong>

_There was a time I thought that you did everything right. No lies, no wrong. Boy I, must have been out of my mind. When I think of the time that I almost loved you, you should yourself and I, I saw the real you. Thank God you blew it, thank God I dodged the bullet, I'm so over you._

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><p>It wasn't an uncommon occurrence to witness a lone New Yorker sat in a diner consuming a late dinner. In fact, for New York, there seemed to be the general consensus that anything went really. From Naked Jesus in Times Square to the almost foot long rats that skittered around in movie theatres. People were too busy to notice, to care, whether someone was sat in a diner eating alone. It was however an uncommon occurrence for Lindsay Monroe. It had been a long time since she'd consumed dinner by herself. She was far from dependent; more she'd become accustomed to sharing her time with someone whom had been quite special to her for one hell of a long time.<p>

She was getting used to it, being alone that was. Slowly but surely. It'd been a hard month and a half, but she'd survived it. Somehow. There had been times that she'd picked up her cell phone and dialled Danny's number from memory, wanting to tell him that she'd maybe made a mistake and that she was sorry for being so hasty in breaking up with him. But then her better sense would kick in and remind her that he'd done nothing in trying to win her back. Plus she'd changed her number and purposefully not given the new on to him. Calling him from said number wouldn't exactly be the smartest idea, would it? But it was hard and she missed him. She missed him a lot.

The first time that they'd parted ways, even if it had been temporarily, the team had tried hard not to acknowledge the tough time in which the couple had been going through. They'd overlooked the small disputes in the hallway, ignored the heated conversations going on in their office and pretended like there was nothing going on.

This time though, everything was different. They were tip-toeing around Danny, watching him as if he was a ticking time bomb and consoling Lindsay with every chance that they got; which made things ten times harder. While she appreciated the support and comfort from her friends, every time someone pulled her into a guilty hug, she felt all the emotions that she was struggling to keep at bay rushing back to her. It was like they knew that there was it over for good. And while Lindsay knew and understood that there probably was no hope for them; it was hard for other people to be silently admitting their defeat too.

The amount of hours that she'd spent crying over their break up were uncountable, and honestly, she was a little embarrassed of how she'd been acting. She broke up with him and anyone would think that he'd shattered her heart brutally. She'd finished it with him; not the other way round. But it didn't hurt any less not being on the receiving end. In fact, she thought that it hurt more because she had been the one to bring them to an end. Yes he'd blown it, but she'd ended it. And she'd spent every day questioning herself and what she thought was her better judgement. Was it the right decision if she was this miserable and upset?

She knew that break ups and wallowing in one's own self pity didn't have a suggested recovery time frame and she wasn't silly enough to believe that she'd be over Danny with a snap of her fingers. It didn't work like that – she knew from the past that letting go of her love for him wasn't as easy as it sounded. But she desperately wanted to feel better. She didn't want to burst into tears anymore. She wanted to listen to the radio without assigning a memory to every song that was played. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She didn't want the betrayal to hurt her like it still did.

But wanting it not to hurt, and it getting over it were two entirely different things.

"I couldn't help but notice that you're alone."

Blinking away her unshed tears and glancing up from her dinner, Lindsay looked up at the man stood a comfortable distance away from her table but close enough for her to be absolutely positive that he'd been talking to her. "You'd have noticed correctly," she replied politely, trying to hide the lump in her throat.

"I may be going out on a whim here, but you wouldn't like some company would you?"

She considered it for a moment or two. She looked at the smile on his face, his clothes, the way he presented himself; inwardly trying to figure out whether or not he was a psycho, pimp, serial killer, rapist, or one of the other many potential criminal tendencies that were bombarding her brain.

"I get it, family back home told you not to speak to strangers?" he smiled, placing a card down on the table. "I'm Patrick. Would you like some ID with that?"

She laughed and shook her head as her eyes scanned over his business card. He was in fact called Patrick and was in construction from what she could figure out. "Lindsay." She returned with a smile.

"With an A or an E?"

Lindsay couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of her. "With an A." She answered cautiously. "Why?"

"Phew," Her new companion wiped his brow. "Thought I was going to have to walk away then," He winked playfully at her.

"Yeah, but how do you know I don't spell it with a Y or an I?" she attempted serious, but the smile on her face took away from her tone.

"I've already decided that you don't look like a Y kind of girl," he shook his head. "You definitely spell it with an I."

"Impressive," Lindsay nodded. "You get an eight and a half."

"I get a what?"

"An eight and a half," Lindsay smirked. "Your pick up line, it's inventive; cute actually. I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for anyone right now."

A tint of red washed over Patrick's cheeks. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he shrugged. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Lindsay."

As quickly as he'd popped up, he was gone, with the door of the diner ringing as he exited the building. She let out a sigh, annoyed with herself for brushing off a perfectly kind guy just because she felt like she was betraying Danny. He'd had his chance. He'd blown it and had done nothing since to make things better between them. If she didn't want to hurt anymore then this could be her chance.

She got ready to stand and but instantly sat back down. Who was she kidding? She sighed as she resigned to the fact that she'd be spending another night alone and lonely in her apartment, waiting for her cell phone to ring; ordering her into work to face him yet again.

She cleared her throat and called out: "Can I get the bill please?" once she'd attracted the attention of her waitress. She'd said it with a smile, something she'd never been able to shake even in New York, where it was a rarity to receive a smile.

"Bill?" Patsy, the waitress implored. "What bill?"

Lindsay narrowed her eyebrows and fought her giggle. "Well, usually when you order food there tends to be a bill when you finish... Or have I been going to all the wrong places?"

"Honey, your check's taken care of. That nice gentleman you were just talking to paid your bill about fifteen minutes ago."

"Which gentleman?" Lindsay asked, genuinely confused.

"That one, right out there," Patsy pointed out of the window to the tall guy that had been questioning Lindsay about her parents' ability to spell. "The one you were just talking to."

"Oh," Lindsay blinked as she turned and glanced at Patrick whom was still stood outside the diner, fastening his coat from what she could see. "Well, in that case... here." she handed Patsy the ten dollars she'd expected to pay for her meal. "Thanks."

Without a second thought, or a chance to even let Patsy thank her for the generous tip, Lindsay was following the stranger out of the diner's exit. She managed to catch him just before he took off down the street. "Excuse me! Patrick!"

He turned and offered her a smile, "Oh Lindsay: hey, what's up?"

"Did you really just get my bill for me?"

He shrugged, "That's gotta give me at least another half a point."

Lindsay shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips. "It could get you a small slap across the cheek and an extra business card."

"Yours?" He asked hopefully.

"No, yours!" she implored. "Do you do that a lot? Pay pretty girl's checks? Because that could get expensive you know... I hope you're on big bucks at-" she cast her eyes down to the business card she still held in her hands and let out a sigh as she read the name of the company. "Smithson and Sons... Sustainable construction and property development; come on, give me a break! Sustainable construction?"

Patrick laughed out loud at her attempt to find something against him. "No, just the ones that look like they need a little help in realising that everything might just be okay."

Lindsay narrowed her eyes and looked at Patrick. "How do you know that I..."

"I go there a lot." Patrick began. "The diner. I've seen you a few times and thought you were beautiful, but you were always with a guy and you looked pretty happy with him. Plus, his arms were huge and I didn't feel like moving in on his girlfriend and leaving with two black eyes. So, the first time I saw you without him I figured you were just hungry and he was busy, but the second and third time you came without him I figured it was a sign for me to make a move. Not to mention I'm pretty sure you were crying in there," He paused as he observed the look on Lindsay's face. "If I overstepped the mark I'm sorry; I just thought-"

"Thanks," Lindsay smiled, cutting his apology short. "For dinner."

Patrick cast his eyes down as he blushed at her thanks. He kicked a stone by his shoe before turning to face her. "Look, contrary to what I'm sure you're thinking right now, I don't usually do this, but would you like to go for a drink or something?"

"Come again?" Lindsay blinked.

"Do you want to go for a drink?" he asked again.

"Really?" she asked him

"Yeah," he nodded. "Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless you don't want to," Patrick shrugged. "Which is fine, by the way, if you don't."

"Well, it's not usually something I'd do..." she pursed her lips as she inwardly fought with the urge she felt to take him up on his offer. _What about Danny?_ Her heart reminded her that she'd only broken up with him a month ago. It was too soon. But she took a deep breath and shoved that thought to the back of her mind. _No more hurting._ "But then again I don't usually have strangers buying me dinner without my knowing, so maybe it's a night of things Lindsay with an A doesn't usually do."

"So you're saying yes?"

She shrugged and took a deep breath. He looked like the kind of guy that carried around superglue that she could borrow."Sure, why not; where did you have in mind?"

"Depends," Patrick smiled. "Who's buying?"

"Well, I can. Pay you back for dinner?"

"In that case, sorry, I'm busy." Patrick turned and began to walk away, leaving Lindsay stood with her mouth in the shape of a perfect 'O'.

He got about five steps ahead of her before turning and laughing at her. "Kidding. Just kidding... my sense of humour is a little out of whack. How about my treat? One drink and it doesn't even have to be alcoholic. You can order it and take it from the bartender."

"Have something to hide, Patrick?"

"No, but I just spied that badge on your hip and I'm pretty sure you're thinking of all the possible entries my rap sheet may have, which doesn't exist if I could just add here... So, I'm just taking the necessary precautions until you trust me well enough to go to the bar and order you drinks."

Lindsay glanced down her body and saw her badge just showing underneath her coat. "If it's any conciliation I only had you down as a serial killer?"

"I'll take it," he laughed. "I'll give you my driver's licence so you can run into the precinct down here and run a search?"

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips as she took in his appearance. She scanned him up and down before looking him in the eyes. His eyes looked honest, playful. He looked like he could genuinely like her.

And maybe he was exactly what she needed.

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><p>It turned out that taking that leap with a complete stranger had turned out to be one of her better decisions. They'd spent the entire night sat in the corner of a bar - her drinking Orange Juice and him Pepsi - simply talking, laughing and getting to know one another. He'd asked her about her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend as he boldly assumed. And she'd dodged the subject successfully, and he hadn't pushed it any further.<p>

They'd left the bar when it closed at four, to which Patrick had declared that he was hungry. In keeping to the evening, Lindsay shrugged and ignored her overriding urge to excuse herself, go home and crawl into bed to sleep for a hundred years. Instead of sleep though, she'd agreed and he took her to his favourite place for breakfast. He'd ordered for her, which sparked her insisting that she ordered for him... and then they swapped when their orders came.

"Who the hell gets grits?" Patrick grimaced. "I mean, grits? Ugh."

"You tried them?" Lindsay inquired as she licked her lips, diving her spoon into the said grits for another hearty spoonful.

"Hell no!" Patrick physically shook at the thought of them.

"Well then, no opinion." She chuckled. "Danny used to-" she stopped herself and shoved her spoon into her mouth, praying that the person opposite her hadn't heard what she'd said.

"Danny huh?" Patrick offered her a sad smile. "The guy I used to see you with, that's Danny, right?"

Lindsay nodded her head sadly, cursing herself for getting too wrapped up in the banter that had been going back and forth between herself and Patrick. Talking about her ex wasn't exactly going to bode well with the guy sat opposite her.

"Why don't you want to talk about him?" Patrick asked her softly, setting his knife and fork down.

"I don't think that me talkin' about Danny would be anything you'd want to listen to, trust me."

"I might surprise you," he said, continuing on in his soft tone. "It looks to me like you could really do with getting a few things off your chest. And I get the distinct impression you've been keeping a lot of feelings under wraps."

"Sorry, I'm just reminding myself that I met you six hours ago." She teased. "I don't think that qualifies you for this conversation just yet."

"Alright, have dinner with me."

"I'm working tonight."

"Have dinner with me tomorrow."

"I'm working tomorrow."

"Lunch?"

"Working."

"Breakfast?"

"Working."

"You work twenty four hours a day?" Patrick asked with raised eyebrows. "Seven days a week?"

She blushed and shook her head. "Well no, not exactly but my hours are less than sociable. You're lucky I haven't been called in tonight."

"Well, if you can't escape work can I come to you?"

Lindsay scrunched her face in thought as she tried to assess whether that would be a good idea. "Maybe I could escape for a quick dinner. Nothing fancy though."

"I'll take it," Patrick smiled. "Tonight?"

"Tonight?" Lindsay asked with raised eyebrows. "Breakfast and dinner, that's certainly eager, Mr. Donovan."

"Well Lindsay with an A, I've got to find some way of staying on your mind."

"I think you'll manage that just fine." She blushed.

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><p>Weeks passed and Patrick had yet to kill her or show any psychotic tendencies, which was a good sign – and boded well for the slowly budding relationship.<p>

It had taken her a few dinner dates but she eventually opened up to Patrick about what happened with Danny. She sensed that Patrick had really thought about the best place to approach the topic, and when he'd asked her round to dinner at his apartment two things came to her mind. He wanted to get lucky, or he wanted to know what it was exactly he was getting himself into.

He'd carefully approached the topic over his mother's casserole and a bottle of wine. Initially, Lindsay had pushed her food around her plate, avoiding all eye contact with him and desperately trying to stall enough time that Patrick decided against pushing the subject... again.

But he didn't. He'd simply sat there, quietly eating his dinner and helping himself to more wine. After five minutes of the same piece of beef rolling from one side of the plate to another, Lindsay slammed her fork down and looked up. "He broke my heart."

Patrick nodded and carefully placed his knife and fork on his plate, understanding Lindsay's hint that if he didn't listen now then tough luck; she wasn't going to tell him again.

Without going into too much detail, Lindsay relayed everything that had happened. How Ruben died and how Danny had taken it upon himself to accept full responsibility for his death. She explained that their romantic relationship was still new to them and she hadn't been sure how to approach him, and when he told her to back off, she had. He changed and it hurt her as she watched him fall to pieces, while she stood on the sidelines unable to do anything to help him. He'd pushed and pushed and pushed until he'd pushed her over the edge and she'd unknowingly gave him an ultimatum. She hadn't meant it as one at the time, but that's how he'd taken it. She'd been so desperate for the person that she'd fallen in love with back, so she'd stupidly overlooked the way that he'd been with her. She'd wanted Danny back and he'd given her that and she hadn't wanted to push too far. So she'd brushed everything that had happened under the carpet and just accepted what had happened was in the past.

But then, Danny's harbouring guilt resurfaced, making him close off from her again. She'd fought him though that time, begging him to let her help him the way that he hadn't let her the first time, but he'd refused. She'd asked him to let her in but he just couldn't do it. And if he couldn't do it, then she couldn't do it either. She'd tried to be supportive but she was at the stage of having to support two people and enough had been enough.

When she looked up from the spot that she'd found on the table, she braced herself for a Patrick shaped hole around the front door. But instead, he stood from his seat, rounded the table and took her hand. He pulled her out of her chair before wrapping his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her temple. He didn't say anything. He didn't bad-mouth Danny. He didn't offer to rough him up for treating her like he had. He didn't offer her words of sympathy. He didn't bat an eyelid when she started sniffling against him and he didn't back away when she started crying. In fact, he took her hand and led her to his couch where he sat as she snuggled into his side, crying the tears she didn't even realise she still had. When she finished, he handed her a tissue and asked her if she wanted dessert.

Dessert: that had been his response to all of her heartbreak. Dessert.

"Isn't there anything you want to say?" She implored. "Anything you want to ask?"

Patrick thought about it for a moment but shook his head. "Why, is there something you want me to say?"

"Well no," she shrugged. "I just thought that you'd have something to say."

"I could say a lot of things but I doubt they'll make you feel any better. And while I could say a hundred and one things about Danny, I don't know him and it's not my place to say anything anyway. Yeah he hurt you, but a part of me is glad that he screwed it up, because that means I get my chance with you."

After that night, Lindsay found herself being drawn to Patrick. She missed him when she wasn't with him and it felt like time disappeared when she was with him. It was fun being in a new relationship; there was a novelty that she hadn't felt for a long time. She was enjoying learning everything about Patrick. She loved the feeling she got when she received a text from him. She loved not having the weight of a past weighing down heavily on her. She loved not feeling like she was being pushed away. She was taking great pleasure in the man that she was quickly falling in love with. Her heart was healing and the things that she had cried over, not so long ago didn't seem like such big things anymore.

Granted, they had their fair share of disputes. He often found it difficult when they were on a date and Lindsay had to leave to go to work, and she got annoyed when he brought masses of work home from the office... but those things weren't things that would make or break them. They were adjustment issues. Both of their jobs demanded a lot and it would take a little give and take. But other than that, things were good.

They had both agreed to take it steady; Lindsay was, after all, still a little shaky and wary from her relationship with Danny and he didn't want to push her away. There was a part of Patrick that was slightly unnerved with her spending a prolonged period of time everyday with Danny but despite his concerns, he'd never voice them to Lindsay. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable with him, or at work. And really, when he'd met Danny he didn't seem like the type of guy to maliciously try and 'steal' Lindsay from him. He realised his mistakes and had accepted that she was his loss.

Patrick never went out of his way to make conversation with Danny, but he didn't avoid him either. It was unspoken between them that topics strictly stuck to sport and food. Safe areas. If either felt like they were getting too close to Lindsay territory, they'd strategically change the subject, keeping the atmosphere harmonious for everyone else involved in their little triangle they had going on.

Eventually though, steady wasn't good enough for them anymore. Lindsay was happy with a perfectly healed heart and Patrick was going up in his company, slowly being promoted through the ranks. They'd toyed with the idea of maybe moving in together, but Patrick had always sensed a little fear in Lindsay, so he hadn't pushed it any further.

But, enough was enough.

Taking a deep breath, Patrick looked up to his girlfriend as she let herself into his apartment and dropped her coat over the back of the arm chair in the living room. "Hey honey." She smiled. "sorry I'm a little late. We can still catch the movie right? I had to run home first and get my laptop."

"Lindsay, sit down for me."

She swallowed, as she set her bag down on the chair she'd just draped her coat over and nervously sat down next to him on the couch. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Patrick nodded.

"Okay, are you sure 'cause you've got me a little nervous. What's up?"

"I have a question to ask you."

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><p><strong>Dun dun dun, another cliffhanger? What? I know, I'm sorry guys. Fred is not playing fair I guess. He's trying to keep the stakes high, although I'm sure some of you may be able to warrant a guess about the question Patrick is about to ask her. It shall be interesting to see. Muhahahah! <strong>

**I'd like to state for the record that I still adore Danny with my whole little shipper heart and like I said before we've had a talk and for the purpose of the story this chapter needed to happen in order for other, better things to happen... so please don't hate me (or Patrick, bless him - he's trying to be a good heart healer for Lindsay! haha)**

**So yeah, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. I know it's different, but yeah. Thanks for reading guys, and I appreciate any feedback that you may have... but go easy on me, please! hahah :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I love you all, so so so much! Seriously. Seriously guys, there are no words. You are all awesome. I'm so glad you're all on board with the idea of Patrick... He was written as a good guy, so I'm glad people see that in him. It made me a happy girly to see all the really positive comments. :) This chapter is probably what a lot of you are looking for so I hope it doesn't disappoint! **

**And on that note, we'll leave it there and I'll let you get on with reading! :D But quickly before, just a quick thanks to all the lovely folk who took the time to review, I appreciate it lots, guys! saderia, Lady-Buster, alexindigo, Dantanacy4ever, Dine89, KTmac09, 18lzytwner, brendanakai, afrozenheart412 and Izzi Creo **

* * *

><p><strong>Over and Over – Nelly &amp; Tim McGraw<strong>

_I remember the day you left; I remember the last breath you took right in front of me. When you said you would leave I was too damn stubborn to stop you or say anything. But I see clearly now, and this choice I made keeps playing in my head, over and over again._

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><p>"Movin'? What do you mean movin'?" Danny blinked as the rest of the group stared on in shock. "Movin' what, apartments? You guys movin' in together?"<p>

"No Danny, Patrick and I... we're moving to Chicago. He's got a job there and asked me to go with him."

"But the crime lab out there isn't hiring." Mac uncharacteristically blurted out. "If they were I'd recommend you for the position, but they're not hiring, Lindsay."

"I already know," Lindsay attempted an encouraging smile; an attempt to convince herself that she was okay with the conversation she was having. "We've talked about it and Patrick has some contacts. I'm going to get a job with a college and try forensics from that side. Teaching, lecturing – that kind of thing. It'll be interesting."

"Lindsay," Danny shook his head. "No, come on, you're not- you're not seriously... you..." he took a deep breath to compose himself. "You're tellin' us you're leavin' and not even transferring. You're givin' it all up?"

"He wants to be with me, I want to be with him. New York isn't either of our homes. I love you all so much but..." the look on her face was a pained one. It was obvious she'd put the conversation off for as long as she physically could. "This is something I have to do."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't turn this into something it isn't Danny." Lindsay growled at him. "Not here and not now."

"Not here? Alright, excuse us." Danny muttered before, quite selfishly, grabbing Lindsay's hand and proceeded to pull her from the conference room. He silently tugged her along the hallway that led them to their office. He had to admit that he was surprised when she didn't protest, but he figured she'd expected some form of reaction from him.

As soon as the office door closed behind her; his resolved finally failed him. "Don't go." He said, sitting her down in her desk chair. "Please don't go."

"Why?" She asked quietly, glancing up at him through her eyelashes.

"Because."

"Oh, because?" She snorted. "Right okay if you could just pass me the phone there I'll cancel my flight now." She stared at him pointedly before shaking her head. "Because isn't a good enough reason to make me stay Danny."

"Don't go," he shook his head as he plopped himself down in his own chair. "You can't go Linds, what about the lab, your job?" _What about me? _Was what he'd wanted to say but simply didn't have the guts.

"What's left for me around here Danny? Patrick's going to Chicago. I'm not exactly going to attempt a long distance relationship just to keep my job. I love this job but I can get another one. I can work at that college until-"

"Until what Montana, a crime scene gig opens up? You know as well as I do how hard it is to land a position these days. If you walk away from this, you're going to regret it. I can see it in your eyes; you know what you're walking away from. This is too good to give up. This has been your dream for years. Why give it up? For some guy who's tellin' you he loves you?"

"Right, and what are my other options? I know I sure as hell don't want to be stuck here, miserable as sin and full of regret because I had to break it off with Patrick. I know we sometimes let this job take over our lives, but it's just a job."

"It's a job that you love though."

"I loved my job in Montana too."

"What can I do to make you stay?" Danny asked quietly.

"Nothing," Lindsay shook her head. "He means a lot to me Danny, you might not believe that and it might be hard to stomach but I do."

"So I've gathered," he muttered sourly. "And if you mean a lot to him, he'll understand the sacrifices you're making and reconsider."

"You don't think we've talked about this?" She implored. "You don't think he knows and understands what it is I'm giving up? You don't think he's desperately tried to talk me out of it after asking me when he realised what he was asking of me. You don't think he's tried to find ways for us to stay here? I love him Danny, I love him and I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve here, but I'm going. I told you it was over. It's over between us; it's been over a long time and I'm over you."

He swallowed as he looked up from the spot he'd been staring at on his desk. She'd told him months ago that she had to find a way to get over him. _Because I've fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go. _It had given him the kick up the ass he needed to stop screwing around and fight for his girl; it'd had been the motivator that he had needed to realise what it was he was doing to her. He'd dodged that bullet once, but now eight months down the line he was having practically the same conversation; except she'd found her way. She'd gotten over him. He may have dodged the bullet once but now it was becoming painfully clear that this time the bullet was heading straight for his chest.

And as if to rub salt into those bleeding wounds, she continued. "I thought I'd made that clear but obviously not. I'm over you, Danny. I don't love you anymore."

* * *

><p>She'd broken his heart that day. She probably had a good idea of how she'd hurt him, but he knew she was past the point of caring and he didn't blame her. How could he when he'd brought it all on himself? He'd been hanging onto a false hope for months. Months upon months. He'd known things weren't looking very good for reconciliation between them. But as hard as it would be, he figured that as long as he could see her, he reasoned that with time it'd get easier. He'd rather have her in his life than not have her there at all.<p>

But that hadn't worked too well for him, had it?

He'd taken time off on the day that she was packing up her half off the office. He couldn't torture himself by watching her actually follow through with what she was doing. It was one thing her moving on from him. He probably deserved it in all honesty. He was a cocky bastard and he did himself no favours. But did she have to leave everything she'd built for herself behind?

The last few days of Lindsay working at the lab had mentally and physically exhausted him. He was constantly in debates with himself, trying to decide whether or not it'd be a good idea to tell her everything. Give her everything. Put it all there on the table and let her make her decision. He had nothing to lose and if she left after knowing everything, at least he could say he tried.

Except as the days passed, he never gathered up the courage. He never told her.

So instead, when the day came that Lindsay finished her last shift, he realised he couldn't be there to watch her go. He'd carefully calculated how long she'd take packing up her half of office and saying her goodbyes and he'd made his way back to the office after being positive she'd be gone. It killed him, but he couldn't bear to say goodbye to her. She might not have been any good at goodbyes, but neither was he. Especially when it was for good. On paper, his plan had worked... Except, he hadn't timed it right and got back just as she was putting her last picture frame into the last box. It had been a like a dagger through his chest as he watched her swipe away her tear before straightening up when she realised he was there.

"I didn't realise you'd be coming back. Flack told me you were takin' a long lunch. I thought you were avoiding me," She said sadly.

"I wouldn't have done that. I had it timed perfectly. I was always gonna come and wish you luck," He lied, "Ya know, say goodbye."

"You timed it right in that case," Her lip trembled as she tried a watery smile. "That was the last of everything so I guess this is it." she said, setting the box on the floor and holding her arms out.

He walked towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace; his emotions failing him. One single hot tear slid down his cheek and hit her soft hair as he buried his face in her locks. He inhaled her scent one last time and squeezed her tight.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "For everythin' Montana."

"Don't be," she replied, her voice just as shaky as his. "I'm not." She pulled away and swiped at the stray tears on her cheek. "I've loved working with you, Danny. We-"

"Lindsay," He sighed as he reached out to swipe away her tears, but his hand stopped mid-air. "Baby, I need to tel-"

"We've had our ups and downs, but I've always had a special place for you in my heart and I knew your goodbye would be the hardest."

"Lindsay, listen to me I really need to tel-"

"You made my time here absolutely..." she spluttered, almost ignoring him as tears streamed down her cheeks, "absolutely amazing. Thank you, Danny."

He took a series of deep breaths as he let his hand fall to his side and allowed Lindsay quietly continue her crying. He wasn't sure whether he was supposed to beg her to stay. Let her go. Tell her he loved her?

He just didn't know.

So instead of saying something, he said nothing.

Eventually, she composed herself and gathered up the last remaining box in their office. She settled it against her hip and turned three hundred and sixty degrees as she soaked in the last mental image of where she'd practically lived for the past three years. When she was satisfied, she headed for the door and heaved it open. She paused in the door way and turned to face Danny, whom was stood silently, watching her leave – his heart racing in his chest and a feeling of dread and regret landing heavily in his gut.

"Danny-"

"Yeah?" He replied hopefully.

"I-" she whispered, "I- never mind." She shook her head, taking one last deep breath before letting the office door shut behind her.

* * *

><p>His internal battles and stubbornness had done him no use. She'd left and hadn't looked back.<p>

He wasn't sure what hurt most; the fact that he'd done nothing to try and stop her, or that she hadn't looked back as she was leaving. Sure he'd been a douchebag to her and was most definitely a pain in her ass, but they'd shared more good times together than he could honestly say he'd ever experienced with another person. She brought things out in him that he'd never thought he'd see in himself, and likewise he brought things out of her that had been hiding for a long time. When they weren't arguing they were good for each other; both of them had known that, whether or not Lindsay had chosen to admit it. They had a connection that had sparked from the beginning and had stayed strong right until the very end. He'd never realised it and would probably never admit it, but she had been his best friend. And he was pretty much positive that he was in love with her. It was clear to him now that he'd loved her for a long time but his arrogance and confidence had casted a mist over his feelings. That coupled with the fact that he was too damn scared to tell her how he felt when it had mattered had meant he'd lost her.

And he'd probably lost her for good.

"Danny?"

His instant reaction was to downsize the image of her that he'd been staring at for the past twenty minutes, and did so suspiciously, jumping at the sound of the feminine voice.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"Nah, not at all, what's up kiddo?"

"I'm having trouble with the GCMS; you couldn't come and give me hand could you?"

"I'll be there in just a sec." He smiled. "Try not to break it anymore than I'm sure you already have."

"Smartass."

His teasing smile was plastered on his face until his bright faced partner disappeared into the hallway and over into Analysis. Then it disappeared again. Abigail, or Abby as she preferred, was brought in as Lindsay's replacement. And she was exactly the type of girl any guy would kill for; she was gorgeous, intelligent, witty and one hell of a CSI.

But she wasn't Lindsay.

Sure there had been chemistry between the two of them. She was attractive, he was attractive. He was single, she wasn't, but that never really presented a challenge for him. Back when he was in college he always got his girl in the end and Danny knew they had potential.

But she wasn't Lindsay.

He tried really hard not to compare Abby to Lindsay. He kicked himself every time he corrected her doing something because she was doing it 'wrong'. 'Lindsay never used to do it that way,' he'd say, almost like a broken record. She was a good sport, and he knew that – he couldn't fault her. She'd always ask for advice and then proceed to do it Lindsay's way... but it wasn't fair on her. It wasn't Abby's fault that she wasn't Lindsay. It wasn't Abby's fault that Lindsay had left the lab. That Lindsay left him.

Yet, he couldn't help but constantly remind himself, and Abby, that Lindsay was no longer there and that Abby was no Lindsay.

He pushed himself away from his desk and quickly made his way into Analysis, where he saw Abby smack the side of the machine in frustration.

"Hey whoa, Mac sees you doin' that he's gonna send you packin' back to your little sorority house without a second's thought."

Sighing, Abby rolled her eyes." For the thousandth time, I am not part of a sorority... nor was I ever. Sorry to quash that little pipedream of yours, Messer."

"Yeah, if you say so," he smirked as he effortlessly pressed a few buttons and had the machine whizzing; complying to what Abby had wanted it to do in mere seconds. "What was so hard about that?"

"Smug asshole," Abby growled playfully at him as he proudly crossed his arms over his chest. "No wonder Lindsay left with you walking around like a pompous jackass. She probably couldn't deal with you anymore."

Abby had hit a nerve and Danny's teasing nature transformed into a defensive stance within seconds. "Shut the hell up, you don't know the first thing about her and me."

"Wow," Abby growled. "Could you just bend down there and give me my head back. I think you just gnawed it off and spat it out but I can't be too sure. I was joking Danny, it was a joke."

"Yeah well, don't joke about her okay. Just don't even talk about her."

"Oh, I can't talk about her but you can talk about her all day, every day?" Abby snipped. "That hardly seems fair."

"Yeah well, you didn't know her."

"Maybe not, but I _do_ know she was a huge part of this lab Danny, and I have huge shoes to fill. I've got a lot of expectations to meet that are pretty high. I know that she set high standards when it comes to newbies. I'm trying Danny, I really am; just give me a chance."

"I'm giving you a chance, Abby. You're doin' great and I'm enjoyin' workin' with you. I am... it's just... You just... you don't get it alright. You wouldn't understand."

"Yeah, maybe _I_ don't, but I'm sure _Lindsay _would!" Abby snapped as she grabbed her file and stormed out into the hallway.

Running his hand down his face in frustration Danny didn't waste much time before following her angry path to the break room.

"Abby, listen..."

"No, you know what, don't." She turned with a resigned sigh. When she saw the apologetic look on his face, she offered him a weak smile. "Look, it's my fault. I'm just stressed. You're being a dick Danny, but I shouldn't have blown up and walked out like that. It's not exactly professional."

Danny smirked at the use of 'dick' to describe him in the same sentence as her chastising herself for not being professional, but decided against commenting. "I've been bustin' your onions though over this... I shouldn't be mentionin'-" Danny paused as he tried to figure out whether it'd be wise to mention Lindsay again.

"Go on: mentioning Lindsay." Abby finished his sentence for him, "Look, Danny, you can say her name. You can talk about her to me all you want. Just don't compare us. I'm not Lindsay and I don't want to be. I know she was your partner and she meant a lot to you, and I'm not trying to replace her. I want to be my own person. Yes I'm Lindsay's replacement, but I don't want to be her replacement forever."

Danny nodded slowly as he sighed and began pacing the break room as Abby took a seat at one of the empty tables.

"I'm going out on a whim here, and correct me if I'm wrong but you liked her, didn't you?"

Danny glanced up and met Abby's gaze for a moment or two. "Yeah, I did, I liked her a lot."

"And did she like you?"

"Yeah." Danny nodded. "We were together for a while until I screwed it up with her. She told me she loved him and I... it's complicated."

Abby nodded in understanding before taking a deep breath. "You're cute Danny and anyone in their right mind would be crazy not to snap you up... but nobody is going to want to be second best to someone who isn't even in the picture anymore. Now I'm not trying to piss you off again but Lindsay's gone. She's not here anymore and I get that you still obviously have feelings for her, but there's just some lines that need to be drawn so that you can move on. She's over you, so why aren't you over her?"

Danny took the seat next to Abby, accepted the cup she was handing him and let out a huge sigh. "I ask myself the same thing every day, Abby."

"Well, I think you've got to stop asking yourself that question and start doing something about it. Moping isn't going to get you anywhere... and focusing all of your energy on missing Lindsay and mulling over whatever you did and how you screwed her over isn't going to get you anywhere. You've got to approach it from a different angle... just some food for thought."

Danny took a sip of his coffee and offered Abby a smile. "You're pretty knowledgeable about this... got a lot of experience?"

"Pipe down, Messer. I'm just rational and logical. You're not. You're feeling sorry for yourself." She patted him on the shoulder. "Now finish that and get back to the GCMS, I've got something else I need to run before Rick picks me up. We're going to that Tapas place Dr Hawkes mentioned the other day. Have you ever been? Is it as nice as he was saying?"

Rolling his eyes Danny downed the rest of the tepid coffee and slammed the cup on the table, as if he'd just downed a shot. "Do I look like a Tapas kinda guy, Abby?"

"No," she shrugged, "But you don't look like a miserable mopey bastard either so you can't judge everything from appearance." She winked playfully.

"Alright, point taken I guess. Lead the way." Danny plastered a smile on his face.

All that Abby had just said made perfect sense to him. He knew deep down what he had to do to start the process of getting over Lindsay. He couldn't sit for twenty minutes at a time, staring at her picture. He couldn't constantly revisit the last time he'd seen her. He couldn't mentally go over the list of things he'd wished he had said to her. He knew it was going to get worse before it got better, but he couldn't constantly mull over what had gone wrong. But as much as he knew that he couldn't do all of that... He wanted to. He wanted to miss her. He wanted to feel the regret over all the things he wished he'd said. He wanted her back. It was quickly becoming clear to him that he seriously didn't have a hope in hell of getting over Lindsay Monroe.

And in all honesty, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to get over her.

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><p><strong>No cliffhanger? What's going on! I don't know either actually. Perhaps Fred felt like he'd tortured you all enough? I'm not sure. I hope this satisfied your Danny POV urges. I hope it was easy enough to keep up with because I realise I flipped back and forth a few times. <strong>

**Anyway, thanks for reading guys; let me know what you thought :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**This is a monster chapter. Like epic. I was _really_ sick when I was writing this with my eyes half closed and my whole body was aching, but as it goes, inspiration hits at the most inconvenient of times, typical! In addition to that, I wrote this about ooh, easily a year ago now... So it's safe to say that I recovered from whatever I had been suffering from.**

**The thing is; I was re-reading old 'in progress' stories to see if I could tweak any and post them and came across this. As I was reading, I realised that it was the perfect bridge between New York and Chicago (well, from my POV as the writer at least... it's hard to explain but I really felt that something wasn't finished... but that could also be my incessant need to constantly tweak and modify things without being able to just let them go! :p)**

**I also have debated for an entire week whether or not this is a chapter worth posting. I really am torn whether or not it's too... emotionally exhausting... but there's been something in me all week, that's been bringing me back to this chapter, deciding against posting it, then sending me to the original chapter 4, and leaving me feeling that there's still something missing. So, I'm going with my instincts, posting it and hoping for the best. **

**So, a list of what to expect? I guess tears, maybe? Lots of emotions. A SLIGHT M RATING (I tried to keep it in the T rating as best as I could) What else? Trudging up the past... and quite a brutal chapter. I know what you're all thinking: 'another one? Seriously Laura? For goodness sake girly, get a grip!' And I'm sorry guys; really, I am!**

**I hope you guys still like it... If you don't, just remember I was sick and was therefore in an ill-induced coma that clouded my better judgement! **

**... it's a shame I don't have the same excuse for the rest of the story, huh? hahah.**

**I know I haven't had the chance to reply to reviews from last chapter - I'm sorry guys, I will make sure I get onto that soon. In the meantime, can I just thank you from the bottom of my little heart for the support so far. You guys really are great and I appreciate the kind words. I'm glad that some of you are reading this one because despite the massive inward debates I'm having over it, I'm really enjoying the journey as you guys get to read more and more. So, without me wittering on anymore, thank you to: **Lady-Buster, brendanakai, Dantanacy4ever, afrozenheart412, Dine89, KTmac09 and 18lzytwner.

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><p><strong>Demi Lovato – Sky Scraper<strong>

_Skies are crying, I am watching, catching teardrops in my hands. Only silence, as it's ending; like we never had a chance. Do you have to make me feel like there is nothing left of me? You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am._

* * *

><p>She'd chickened out. Well, she hadn't exactly chickened out – that was a little unfair - she was more prolonging it; putting off the inevitable. Using the time to talk herself out of what she was about to do. She knew she shouldn't. And she'd probably regret it. But on that off chance she didn't – God was it worth it.<p>

Her heart had been racing as she'd gotten into the cab. She'd opened her mouth, willing for her voice to utter his address – but it hadn't. Her head was telling her to go home, as her heart told her to go to his. So she'd made a compromise; which brought her to where she was currently: knocking on Danny Messer's door.

"Linds?"

She glanced up through lashes, her now dry hair and her bangs in the way of her eyes, and offered him a shy, small smile as he opened the door a little more. "Hi."

"Montana," he whispered. "I... I didn't think you'd come."

"I went home first," she said, gesturing to her clothing.

"I could have given you some dry clothes."

"I doubt that would have been wise," She commented before glancing into his apartment. "Can I...?"

"Oh yeah, yeah," he said, moving from the doorway. "C'mon in."

Lindsay offered him a smile as she passed him in the doorway.

"You look pretty." Danny threw over his shoulder as he shut and locked the door. "Really pretty."

She turned and looked at him, slipping off her coat as she did so. "That wasn't exactly what I was going for."

"What? Looking pretty?" He tried to confirm what she was saying. "What _were_ you going for?"

"Neutral... a little plain maybe? It is raining after all." she shrugged, knowing that deep down, she was lying. She'd admittedly put a _little _bit of effort into her appearance when she'd made her way over. After all, he had a lot to lose, and she wanted him to know just what it was he was missing out on. But if he called her on it, she'd never admit it. Ever.

"I don't think you mean that," _Busted, almost instantly as well. Damn! _"You're never neutral Lindsay, you're never plain. You're gorgeous."

She nodded shyly as she slipped her coat over the back of the couch.

"You are," He whispered, closing the distance between them. "You look beautiful."

"Danny..." she shook her head. "That isn't why I'm here and you know it." _Again, lies._

"I know," he sighed. "I just ugh... do you want a drink?"

"I'd love a coffee..."

Danny nodded as he padded through the living room. "Hungry?"

"No, not really."

He turned and narrowed his eyes. "Did you eat today?"

She snorted, rather attractively, at his absurd question. "Yes... why wouldn't I have eaten Danny?"

"I don't know... it's just that Hawkes said you just... you look-"

"-I'm thinner. I know." Lindsay rolled her eyes. "But surprisingly, what I do, what I eat and when I eat doesn't concern you... anymore."

"It concerns me if it's hurting you. I might not have that right anymore, but it still concerns me nonetheless."

"Well Danny, what can I say, I lost my appetite a few weeks ago... I wonder why."

He shook his head as he rounded his way into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on, muttering under his breath as he did so. "Can at least make you a sandwich?"

"No thanks," she sing-songed; as a way of indicating to him that her answer hadn't changed.

"I've got leftover spaghetti I could warm up."

"Not hungry," she sighed.

"Fine," he held his arms up in surrender. "I got it. Not hungry."

Nodding, Lindsay took a seat on the couch.

"How was your rain walk?" he called out to her, clearly incapable of accepting the silence that had fallen between them.

"Fine," she replied politely.

"Did you answer all the questions you've got swirling around in that head of yours?"

She leant back on the couch and peered into the kitchen where she could see him staring at her. How had he known she had questions that desperately needed answers?

"I... I... I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know you better than you think I do. There's a lot of things that I understand about you now Lindsay, I told you that."

Words were still failing her so she simply ignored his attempts of chiselling away at the wall built around her. "How was the rest of your shift?"

"Now I know you might not have come round here for compliments on the way you look, but I also know for a fact you ain't here for a discussion about work." Danny surmised. "Don't make the small talk with me Linds, we both know what we really need to talk about here."

She watched him pick up a small sugar pot on the counter before placing it back down on the counter and shoving it away from him almost angrily. He turned and rummaged in one of the higher cupboards for a bag of sugar to sweeten her coffee just a little.

"Was it okay then?" she pressed.

He flung the teaspoon into the sink and with it, supplied her with an audible sigh. He made his way into the living room with their cups and handed her one before taking a seat next to her on the couch. He shook his head slowly and let out a soothing breath before initiating conversation again. "Linds, don't do this... come on. Why are you fighting me?"

"Why am I fighting you? Why are you fighting me Danny? I've been here waiting this whole time. You left me spiralling for weeks, me not knowing what the hell it is I've done – what you've done. I don't know why I have to fight for you. You should be mine. You were my boyfriend. You were my best friend... and now I've got nothing."

"I am yours, Linds."

"No you're not," she whispered. "You're not mine. You clearly never were mine, I just thought you were."

"I am, Lindsay." He told her, cupping her cheeks as he did so. "I'm yours, and you're mine."

"When it suits you." She sniffled as she slid further away from him on the couch. She hated this situation they'd found themselves in. She hated having this distance between them. She picked up her coffee from the coaster she'd set it on after he'd handed it to her. A coaster from the set that she'd bought him, on the coffee table she had helped him pick, that sat on the rug that he'd stolen from her apartment. She shook her head. He must have been going crazy; all these reminders of her everywhere he looked.

He had to deal with the same thing she did – the constant reminder that things weren't right; that _they_ weren't okay. But really, there was nothing neither of them could do about it. They were stuck, with neither of them knowing how to wriggle free from the emotional mess they were in.

"How was the memorial?"

"What?"

"Ruben's memorial?" she reminded him, pointing to the purple leaflet that sat on the coffee table. "How did it go?"

"I - how did you know?"

"Well, that's a pretty huge hint," she again gestured to the purple leaflet, "But Flack told me; said that he thought you might need a friend." She said as she glanced around the apartment, scanning her eyes over the books that filled his bookshelf. "How did it go?"

"It was horrible." He shrugged as he settled onto the couch next to her after she had shifted away from him. "Hated every second; I was completely out of place. I didn't belong there... didn't deserve to be there either."

She simply nodded, not feeding his self pity. "Seen much of his mother?" She asked as she stood and moved away from him.

Danny paused momentarily before answering. "No, not really; she's moving." She wasn't sure whether his disheartened tone was that of a reaction to her moving away from him, or whether it was the fact that Ruben's Mom was leaving, thus leaving him and the pool of emotions he was still swimming in.

"Too many memories," he elaborated before adding, "I wish I could too, you know, move away from all these memories."

She pressed her lips together as a desperate attempt to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Lindsay ignored the pang of jealousy that struck her chest and made her way to the pool table and ran her fingertips over the wood. She placed her practically untouched coffee and on the breakfast bar before making her way back to the pool table.

How could he want to get rid of the memories with her? She wondered to herself as her fingers ran over the smooth wood she'd once perched on as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, pulling him close. How could he want to just... forget everything?

She understood that he wanted to rid himself of the constant guilt he felt every time he heard silence down the hall. She knew he wanted to rewind time and change the course of the day. He'd do things different, she knew that. Hell she would do things different. Things happened for a reason. She kept telling herself that over and over again, but those words just didn't fill the void she felt daily. Hourly. Constantly.

"Everything was so much simpler back then... we didn't have a clue, did we?"

"When?" he questioned, still sat on the couch's edge, unsure of where the conversation was headed.

"The time we had sex on here," she indicated to the pool table. "Everything was just... easy."

"Linds, it wasn't just sex. Not for me it wasn't."

"Whatever it was," she shrugged. "It was so much easier back then."

"It wasn't easy; we just hadn't dealt with anything as a couple." Danny reasoned.

"Having sex seems easy enough to me Danny."

"No Lindsay, we weren't _just_ having sex. You forget about all the things we went through to get to the point where things were easy."

"Maybe so," she shrugged. "I just remember how happy I was when I pressed your buzzer that night... It was something I hadn't felt in a long time. I had butterflies and I couldn't wait to see you... and when I let myself in a few minutes ago, I felt dread. I felt sick to my stomach, and I never ever thought I'd feel that when I walked into this building. This was always my safe place. You were always my safe place; I always felt safe with you Danny and now I... I don't anymore."

"I can move... we can find a new safe place. A fresh start, you and me... our relationship."

"I don't know whether I want a 'we' anymore." She quietly admitted.

"You... you don't?"

"No," she shook her head slowly, surprised at the words tumbling from her mouth, but continued on regardless of what her heart was protesting. "Because I can't keep doing this," she gestured between the two of them. "I told you, it's messing with my work and it's breaking my heart, and you just don't care."

"I do care Lindsay. I care more than you know."

"We'd never be able to get what we had back now though," she continued.

"Time heals things Linds; all we need is time."

"Not this it doesn't," she shook her head. "What happened; nothing can heal that Danny."

"How do you know if you haven't even given us a chance?"

"Because I know Danny, okay? I just know."

"How do you know though? How can you be so sure?"

"I've changed, you changed. You're a totally different person to me now."

"Don't do that," he whispered. "Don't say that to me."

"I'm serious Danny, I don't know whether I want you back, I don't think I want there to be an 'us' anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't be the person you don't want to fall back on. I can't watch you self destruct and be completely helpless because you won't let me help you. I've tried it and it's too hard. I love you Danny, I do. I love you more than you probably know, I just can't do this."

"I don't know what you want from me Linds." He ran his fingers through his hair. "What do you want?"

"What I want are the pieces of me you took with you when you left me spiralling, not knowing what to do to fix us, because when I lost you Danny I didn't know I would lose me too. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I worked hard to find myself Danny, and I thought I knew what it was that made me, but I knew nothing. You took that away from me."

"You never lost me though Lindsay."

"See, that's where you're wrong, because the second you saw Ruben in the morgue, that's when I lost you. When you walked away from me, I lost you. And I know that's selfish of me, and you probably think less of me for it, but you... I thought you were mine, and when you walked away from me, I realised that it was just my fingertips holding onto you. Over time it was clear that you had much more of a hold on me and you took a huge chunk of me. I tried so hard to help you Danny, I did, but now I'm done."

"Give me the chance to give back to you all that I took,"

"It's not that easy," Lindsay whispered. "You broke my heart. You can't fix that Danny."

"I've got a better chance of fixin' it than anyone else," he whispered. "Give me a chance Linds. Please."

"No," she whispered. "No, I can't."

"Why?"

"If I hadn't called you that day, none of this would have happened. You wouldn't have been distracted and Ruben wouldn't have taken off..."

"Linds, this is nobody fault but mine."

"We can both feel as guilty as sin, but we both know that the gun would have still been fired. I just sometimes wonder that if you hadn't been on the phone to me, you would have had a better track on him and you would have realised and- I'm sorry." She sighed. "I'm sure you've been over all that before... I shouldn't have said that."

"I just – Linds... I don't think you understand the guilt I feel. It should have-"

"Survivors guilt, Danny? You don't think I understand survivor's guilt? I could teach the masterclass on survivor's guilt."

"I didn't mean to-"

"No, because you don't think about me; you didn't think about how I could have helped you. I know I said I wasn't very good at that kind of thing, but you never gave me a chance to prove myself wrong. When I took your hands in the hallway of the ME's office and you just let your fingertips slide through mine, I knew... I knew you had just shut down completely. I knew then that I'd lost you. I could have helped you if you had given me the chance, I would have moved mountains to help you."

"I know that now," he whispered from where he sat.

"It's too late." She whispered in return. "It's too little and too late."

"Linds, I gave you another chance."

"Don't do that," she shook her head. "This is a totally different situation Danny. What you did and what I did are two completely different things."

"You still hurt me."

"I hurt your ego!" She implored. "I didn't hurt _you_. I didn't make you _cry_. I didn't make you squeeze your pillow at night, subconsciously wishing that it was you, and everything was just a bad dream. I didn't make you feel like you'd lost your best friend."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't turn this around on me. Don't make this my fault."

"I'm just sayin' we've both hurt each other."

"Not like this we haven't." She so desperately wanted to tell him what she suspected. What she, deep down, knew he'd done. But every time she opened her mouth the words dissolved on her tongue.

"How are you doing?" He asked her.

"What do you mean?" She spat at him, infuriated at his question – how could he change the subject so quickly and to something so ridiculous.

"How are you doing?" He repeated. "Without me, how is it?"

She narrowed her eyes and couldn't help the growl of frustration that reverberated in her chest. "I'm fine. Things without you are fine."

"You never think about me?"

"No," she shook her head. "Over the past few weeks I haven't really thought about you at all." _Lies. _

He nodded slowly. "Well I think about you all the time."

"No you don't." She shook her head. "I'm the last thing on your mind."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." He shook his head. "I know I've made mistakes with you Lindsay and I know that I haven't been the best boyfriend... but you're on my mind all the time. I might not be able to put my feelings into words right now, but I care about you."

She tried not to hear his words because she knew that she'd just soak in it all in... his lies... and that wouldn't get her anywhere in her attempts of getting over him. "You know what, Danny? Loving you is like a having a fight with a rubber band. We keep pulling at each other until someone lets it go, and it hurts the one who held on. There's always the threat of getting hurt, but for some reason unbeknown to me, I keep holding on just in case you don't let go. You keep hurting me Danny and I can't do this. How many times do you want me to tell you that? I don't know what part of it you don't understand. I can't be in a relationship with you anymore."

She bit her lip as the look on his face fell. She flashed back to well over a year ago when she'd said the exact same words to him. And his face looked the exact same as it did back then... just now, now he looked defeated. There was less determination in his eyes.

He was slowly beginning to realise that he'd lost her.

And the second she saw that in his eyes, she felt like bursting into tears, begging for him make things better. Tell her that things would be okay. But he knew as well as she did they were a simple fingertip away from letting go of the edge. And below them there was no safety net.

Finally, his shaky voice broke the silence. "I understand Linds, I do... I just-" He fought internally as he decided whether or not to admit what was on his mind. "I just don't like what I'm hearin' and I hope that if I keep pushin' I'll eventually hear the answer I want."

And there it was... the sentence Lindsay dreaded to hear. She knew he was a stubborn asshole. She knew that when he had his sights set on something, it was his. The thing was, she didn't know how much more resolve she had in fighting with him. His determination was fading, but it was still there... and it hurt. Why did it hurt? Because she knew what was going on behind her back. She wasn't stupid and he wasn't clever; he'd done himself no favours in sneaking around. She was perfectly capable in closing her eyes to things that she didn't want to see, but at the end of the day, she'd come to the conclusion that she couldn't close her heart to things that she didn't want to feel.

"Every couple goes through rocky patches Linds; this one is just a bump in the road for us."

_A bump in the road, _she thought? _Rather a frigging car crash!_

Sensing her internal battle; or more specifically internal protest, Danny let out a sigh. "Linds, I never once told you no. I never said that we couldn't have a second chance. Please give me a chance."

"I didn't do what you did though Danny."

"You pushed me away." Danny reminded her. "I'll hold my hands up and say I pushed you away and I'm sorry sweetheart. I am."

She opened her mouth to tell him that he was a liar, a cheat... a heartbreaker. She wanted to tell him she knew he was lying and how dare he have the balls to stand there and lie. How _dare_ he stand there and put them both in the same category. What she had done to him was in a far different league to what he'd done to her.

But instead, she closed her mouth. She was fighting a losing battle, and instead of saying all the things she needed to say, she shook her head. "I shouldn't have even come here tonight... I don't know what I was thinking." And although her mind was screaming at her to move, she didn't; she couldn't help but listen to the instructions of her heart. And what was it telling her to do?

Stay.

She wasn't sure of what he was doing when he stood, but before she knew it, he was approaching her as she leant against the pool table, her body still unwilling to move. As he advanced towards her, Lindsay found her heart racing in her chest. He knew he had to give her a reason to stay, and the new-found determination showed in his eyes.

As he inched closer to her, her better sense kicked in, and she was now kicking herself for not moving before. She was pretty much positive she wasn't ready for such a shift in their rocky and unstable relationship. She wanted to be mad that he'd treated her the way he had. She wanted to hit him, throw things at him... but the second his hands connected with her face, cupping her cheeks and holding her in place as he kissed her; she remembered all the reasons why she fell in love.

And for the first time in a hell of a long time, she temporarily forgot the reasons why she was trying to fall out of love.

He wanted her just as much as she wanted him and she honestly had no idea why. Sex should have been the last thing on her mind – especially with him... yet, it seemed like the only fix. No, she corrected herself, not the only fix, but a quick fix. If they could maybe take a trip back to when things were so easy and simple, it may just help her forget about what he did; what she knew he'd done. And it may just remind her that deep down, she knew he was worth it.

"We can't." She whispered as his lips connected with her neck. "Sex is only going to make this more complicated."

"It never did in the past, did it?" Danny asked as his hands slid down her slender frame. "You can't tell me this doesn't feel right, Montana."

"Don't." She whispered. "Don't call me that."

"Lindsay," he muttered. "C'mon, you've always been my Montana and you know that."

"Danny..." she trailed off, letting her head roll back slightly, trying to fight the tears off. "It's not that easy anymore."

"Linds," He continued to nip and kiss at the spot he knew sent shivers down her spine. "You can't say this doesn't feel right."

"It's wrong, Danny." She insisted. "We shouldn't..."

"Stop me then," he whispered as he lifted her onto the pool table. He stepped away from her; giving her the space he was beginning to realise that she needed.

She had to make a decision; he'd given her the choice. She could let go of everything. She could let go of the years that they'd spent together, as friends and now more recently, a couple. She could let go of the way he made her feel. She could let go of the way his arms felt, wrapped protectively around her. She could let go of the little things that made him Danny; all the little things that had somehow turned into what meant the most to her. Or... she could listen to her heart.

As her legs tangled themselves around his waist and pulled him closer, she realised that her decision had already been made.

Her heart was always going to win.

"Linds?"

"Actions speak louder than words," she whispered. "Show me that you're sorry."

Panting, he drew back to look at her, trying to weigh up whether or not she was _really_ comfortable with his advances.

"Don't make me regret this, Danny." She whispered. "I don't know how much more my heart can take." As soon as she finished her sentence, a single tear slipped down her cheek that he instantly caught with his lips. That tear was then followed by another, and another... and another.

"Don't cry," he whispered. "Baby c'mon, don't cry."

With his words, it was like he'd ripped open the flood-gates. It hadn't been his requests for her not to cry, nor had it been the way he'd called her baby; but it was more the fact that he'd so delicately spoken the words to her. His genuine concern for her was something she'd been so desperate for over the past few months, and now she had it, she wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with letting it go.

She caught her tears with her fingertips, swiping them away as they fell. As she did so, he wrapped his arms around her pulling her into his chest, casting his eyes down to look at her with concern; genuine concern. Not lust, not desire, she wasn't even sure love. But raw and brutally honest concern for her.

Without saying a word, she wrapped her fingertips around the material of his shirt and held him close, savouring the closeness between the two of them. If anything, this had been what she needed. She'd needed his protective touch to make her feel like things weren't falling to pieces around her. With the fist of material that she had, it enabled her to tug him even closer and her lips sought out his, placing a soft kiss to his unsuspecting lips. Within mere seconds, she was teasing his lips with her probing tongue, desperate to deepen their kiss.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

She nodded.

"You don't look sure." He pointed out, breathlessly.

"I'm scared," she whispered. "I want you and I want us back. I want to be everything we know that we can be, but I'm scared of losing you again. I lost you once and I don't think I could lose you again."

"You won't lose me, Linds. Not again. You're never gonna lose me."

"How can you promise that?"

"You're just gonna hafta trust me, Linds."

_Easier said than done,_ she thought to herself. How could she trust him when the trust in their relationship had been torn to pieces? She hesitated as she sealed her lips to his, placing a soft kiss to his lips, letting them linger for a moment before pulling away. "Kiss me," she whispered.

His lips were soft against her's and lingered everytime he briefly pulled away from her. His kisses were sending her back to a simpler time; when they happily kissed for hours on end without a care in the world.

She felt her mind wander as she lost herself in his kiss. She'd said 'I love you' to him once before. Once before that fateful day at least. They'd come in from a team bonding night out, slightly well... wasted. She'd been teasing him all night in her heels and short skirt, and he'd been sure that he'd made the entire bar aware of the fact that she was his.

They'd flirted the whole night, well when they weren't all over each other. They had slipped themselves into booth as the rest of the team simply rolled their eyes at the two love-birds that appeared to lose all their inhibitions after the fifth shot of Jack Daniels... or had it been their sixth? However many shots it had been, they hadn't given their jostling colleagues an ounce of notice, arguing that they were just jealous.

Danny hadn't been able to get her home quick enough that night and his prayers were answered as she pinned him to the door just outside of her apartment, attacking him with her lips. Her kisses had quickly progressed and they'd somehow managed to have sex up against her front door. That there had been his first indication that Lindsay was highly intoxicated from the alcohol. Never ever in her right mind would she engage in kissing in front of their team, let alone have sex against her front door in the hallway.

They'd eventually made it inside, collapsed on the couch and had engaged in round two – which had been equally explosive as round one had been, but less... frantic. There was less need and more want between them.

Three hours later, after falling asleep in a tangled mess, Danny had managed to carry Lindsay to the bedroom and undressed her down to her underwear. Just as he had been climbing into his designated side, of which he'd stolen from her at her own place, she'd grabbed his hand and pulled him on top of her, covering his face with her kisses.

He'd laughed as her half-asleep self loved on him; making a mental note that he'd tease her when she was so desperately hung-over the next morning, but suddenly, with just one strategically placed kiss, his giggles and plots of suffering dissolved and he was putty in her hands.

She whispered it against his shoulder as she'd hit her climax, and it wasn't until after she realised what she'd said. She thought she was safe and he hadn't heard, but just as she drifted off to sleep, she'd heard him ask her if he'd heard her correctly.

So she lied.

She'd thought back then it was far too soon for an admission of love, they were too early in their relationship and she didn't want to ruin things, nor did she want put them in a serious relationship. Of course they were in a relationship, but with 'I love you' being passed back and forth, she'd reasoned to herself that there was pressure on them that was unnecessary. So thinking on her feet, she'd told him she'd said she loved the way he made her feel, arguing that she was in the throes of passion when she'd said it and it was nothing for him to worry about. But, when the time was right, she'd say it properly.

Except the time had been right back then; she'd just been too scared of him running away. But now, she thought, he'd managed to find the distance between them she had been so scared of, which left her wondering; what if... what if she had told him that night? What if she hadn't told him a white lie?

Before she could stop it, she could feel the words bubbling out of her; her emotions overtaking her better sense. "I love you," she whispered against his neck, sending chills down his spine.

"What?" he swallowed, backing away from where she was perched on the edge of the pool table. "What did you say?"

"I love you," she repeated, her fingers digging into his biceps as he stopped his kisses. "I- I know it's the wrong time," she panted. "But I do, I love you, and I don't-"

"Ssshhh," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I- I-I lo-"

She waited as he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose and buried his head in the crook of her neck.

Even though she couldn't blame him and hadn't expected it, her heart sank. She desperately tried to shake it, but she couldn't. Had he said he loved her, there in that moment, she would have had a rush, and it would have been amazing and hazed some of what she was feeling by masking it with the thought and knowledge that he loved her. He could have said it to her and not meant it, and she would have been none the wiser, but the fact that he _hadn't_ said it; she couldn't help but feel empty.

"I really care for you Lindsay," he whispered. "I- I- just- right now it wouldn't be fair for me to say it when I've done all that I have to you. I hope that you can un-"

"I get it," she admitted, kicking herself at the hurt in her voice. "I didn't..."

"I do," he whispered in her ear. "I do and I want you to know that. I just right now – I can't..."

She nodded, accepting what he was saying, but still feeling dejected and hurt. She knew she would hold it against herself in the morning, but with his lips on her, his arms around her, and his body moving in time to her own; it made the love she had for him, outshine everything else she was feeling. The hurt, betrayal, rejection...

"I need to feel you," she whispered.

"I thought-"

"Remind me how it used to feel like to be your girl," she whispered. "Remind me how I used to feel back then."

"You still are my girl, Linds."

"Just... show me, remind me."

Complying, he released her, "Move over baby," he whispered huskily as she shuffled further onto the pool table, giving him enough room to manoeuvre himself onto the surface.

Her heart was racing and she could feel herself blushing as she realised what was about to happen... again. Except this time, she felt conscious. Was it going to be the same? Would he feel the same? Would he look at her in a different way after... after he'd...

She fought the tears once again. In an attempt to hide her eyes filling with tears, she tugged her shirt over her head and when she struggled in getting it off, she felt his hands stopping her and pulling her shirt back down her body.

"Linds, if this isn't what you want to do then we- I'm not gonna sit here and make you feel like you have t-"

"I want to." She nodded. "I want you, I miss you, I just – I guess I'm a little nervous. It's been a while since we-" she gestured between the two of them.

He nodded in understanding and stared at her for a moment. He took a deep breath before his nimble fingers went to her buttons and slowly began the process of undressing her. After he successfully removed her shirt, he made work on undressing himself with slightly more haste as he tore his shirt over his head. Their other garments quickly followed in the same direction as Lindsay soaked in the attentiveness of his fingers on her body.

Much like their undressing, Danny had taken the lead in their lovemaking, ensuring that no area of Lindsay was left untouched or un-kissed. His lips, she could honestly say, had touched every inch of her body before he had even started, to which her skin had responded to instantly with goose pimples. Her fingers had curled around his biceps, willing and urging him to relent in his teasing and give her what she wanted; what she needed.

"Please Danny," she whispered, sliding her fingers through his hair and directing his face so that he met her gaze. "I just want-"

With a sad smile of what they used to be, he understood what she was asking of him and he pressed kisses to her thigh as he followed the natural direction of her body until he covered her with his own body. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he whispered as he peppered her neck and shoulder with his soft kisses.

She nodded breathlessly. "I want _you._" She wasn't sure whether it would be wise to tell him all she wanted was him, so she decided against finishing the rest of her sentence.

When he connected them intimately, she cried out and squeezed her fingers into his strong arms; biting her lip to prevent her emotions from spilling out. Once he'd begun his rhythm, she met him halfway with her pelvis, ensuring that unlike his actions prior, he wasn't doing all the work.

She wrapped her legs around him as his arms wound themselves around her body, holding her close.

"God I've missed you, Montana." he whispered in her ear softly. His pace was languorous and the soft timbre of his voice was adding to her heightened libido. "I know it's been tough on you," he continued on, "But I promise you baby; things are gonna get better."

Her fingers scrambled from his arms to his back, digging her nails in as his words dangled her dangerously over the edge. Her emotional and physical connection with Danny was undoubtedly still the same; if not strengthened in his absence from her life. She wasn't sure whether she was sensitive to his touch, to the words he was whispering to her or just emotionally sensitive; but all three combined was quickly sending her over the proverbial edge into oblivion.

Usually, when she and Danny made love she knew what to expect afterwards. From where she was now though, she didn't have a clue – and she didn't know how she felt about that.

"I know you're close," he whispered. "I've got'cha baby. I'm not gonna let go." He said, following through on his promise as he tightened the makeshift cocoon he'd wrapped her in with his arms. "I won't let go this time."

Her fingers dug deeply into Danny's back as she felt the initial fluttering of her climax hit. She caught his lips in a passionate kiss, muffling the sounds of her cries and moans when she, just a few seconds later, felt her walls come tumbling down around her as she fell over that proverbial edge. And right enough just like he'd promised her, his arms were still tightly wrapped around her slender frame as she came down from her high.

During her climax she'd felt Danny still in his rhythm as he spilled into her; yet she hadn't been any wiser.

"I told you I wouldn't let go," he offered her a smile as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, his chest rising and falling rapidly from his exertion. "I promised you, and I didn't, did I?"

She shook her head with a small smile tugging at her lips. "You didn't let go." She admitted.

"Nope," he mused sleepily, his eyes drooping as he desperately tried to maintain their conversation. "Not this time. Not again... I'm not lettin' go."

She counted to three in her head and as she reached the last of her countdown, she felt his even breathing on her shoulder. She let out a long sigh as she soaked up the feeling of being wrapped tightly in Danny's arms.

Although it'd been emotional, she was... was she glad that it had happened? One part of her, a very sated and sleepy side of her was glad that they'd reconnected. But then another part of her was raising the alarm within the confines of her heart. What had she done? She'd just foolishly smashed down all the walls that she'd carefully constructed over the past few months. And for what? One night of reminding herself that the person she loved most in the world wasn't her's anymore. Or was he? She couldn't be sure.

She let out a sigh as she felt his grip on her releasing just a little as he fell deeper into his slumber. She knew what had happened in this apartment. She knew he'd been unfaithful to her. Whether he'd done it spitefully or unwittingly was beyond her; but she knew. He didn't need to say anything – she just knew.

She could feel the emotions building up inside of her until she couldn't help the words bubbling out of her.

"I'm mad with you," she whispered to his chest, half of her hoping he was in fact asleep, but the other half praying he was listening to everything she had to say. "God Danny, I'm so, so mad with you. I don't understand why. How could you do that to me?"

Looking at his serene features, she sighed. "Well, I know why – I might not understand why but I know why... you didn't think." She sighed sadly as she ran a finger down his chest affectionately. "You didn't care. You knew that it would hurt me, but you didn't think twice about what you were actually doing. I know you didn't, because the real you, the person I know, wouldn't treat me the way that you have. The Danny that flew to Montana for me wouldn't have - he wouldn't have done it. You don't know how much I love you, and it hurts me that I never got to tell you how much I loved you before all of this. There's always a part of me that says that if I had told you how I felt before, none of this would have happened..."

Realising that he was now completely asleep, she let out a troubled sigh. "You slept with her, didn't you?" she whispered. "You slept with her to numb her pain, just like you did with me after I got back from Montana. When you knew I was hurting... you slept with me, when you knew she was hurting, you slept with her... and now – now you know I'm hurting again, you've slept with me again. God..." she sighed as realisation quickly spread it's way through her gut, weighing her down. "I'm so stupid. God, I'm _so _stupid!"

Tears filled her eyes as she slowly extracted herself from his arms. _What a freaking train wreck this was_, she mused to herself. An emotional train wreck that had just plummeted off the tracks into an abyss. Deciding that she was left with only one option, she sniffled and took a deep breath, preparing herself as she jumped down from the pool table. She then gathered her clothes quickly before redressing and then padded to his bedroom to grab the spare comforter that lay at the foot of his bed.

As she carried the quilt in her hands, she realised that she genuinely felt sick to her stomach. What had obviously happened in that room... and now she... _No tears! _She berated herself as she aired out the comforter and laid it on top of him. She took a moment to look at him. He looked so peaceful; but there were still stress and worry lines creasing his forehead. She brushed his hair back and pressed a delicate kiss to his forehead, lingering for a moment as she inhaled his scent.

God she missed him.

Before her emotions took over and changed her mind, she broke herself away from him and went in search for a notepad and pen.

Finding one on the breakfast bar, next to a jar of sugar which seemed odd and out of place for his kitchen, she shook it off and picked up the pad. Her eyes scanned the notes for a moment until her eyes zoned in on something that stood out to her. In the middle of the page, her name was in the middle of a circle, with lots of different arrows pointing away from it. Taking a seat on the stool, she let out a breath as she read what he'd written. In one direction, the words at the end of the arrow said 'how much you miss her miss her'. At the end of another, it said: 'tell her you're sorry for pushing her away'. At the end of a different one it said: 'tell her how much you love her'.

She couldn't help the whimper that left her lips as a tear slid down her cheek and smudged the ink as it hit the page. Instantly, she thought of the phone call they'd shared hours previous. He'd obviously tried to organise his thoughts before calling her.

Her eyes were glued to just one arrow: 'tell her how much you love her'. He hadn't. She didn't know why he hadn't, but honestly? She was glad. If he did love her like he seemed to think (enough to write it onto paper at least) then, as much as it hurt her to admit it, that was enough. It was neither the time, nor the place in their relationship to start love admissions; even though she'd done it. Her's had been a last resort; a wake-up call of sorts. That and an emotional confession...

She swallowed as she wiped her eyes and placed the notepad where she'd picked it up from on the breakfast bar, and went off in search of a different pad. He'd obviously forgotten about his little prompt note and even though it wasn't her fault, she felt like she'd invaded his privacy a little.

Finally finding a pad of paper, she sat down at the bar and twiddled the pen between her fingers as she considered the best way to tell him she'd left not long after he'd fallen asleep.

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged; honesty was the best policy.

_Danny,_

_I really didn't want to leave a note but you looked really peaceful and I didn't want to wake you up._

_I thought it was probably for the best that I went home... I've got the early shift in the morning and really, I need to clear my head properly before going to work. I've borrowed a jacket; I'll make sure you get it back ASAP. And I won't get a cab; don't worry!_

_We made a mistake tonight; I think we're rushing in too fast. We still have a lot to talk about and what happened tonight is only going to complicate things if we keep doing it. Some of the things you did really hurt me, like shutting me out and missing my birthday. I think I've made that pretty clear though. I think we both know that there are some areas that have gone unsaid that probably need to be brought up to the surface. We need to clean our slate so that we can move forward. _

_I might regret what happened tomorrow, next week, maybe even next month... But I'm not sorry this happened. Tonight was special to me Danny, I want you to know that. So if I get angry and throw what happened tonight back in your face, claiming it was a mistake, I want you to know that it meant a lot to me and I'm just hurting. It's going to take a while for me to get over everything; and if you still want us - if you still want me - you're just going to have to bear with me and be patient with me. _

_I'll see you soon and we'll talk then, because I want to move on from this... tonight, although it's had it's up and downs, has made me realise I really want to see if we can make it, me and you. I want to get things out in the open and then maybe, we can try for a second chance? _

_Lindsay._

She considered signing it Montana, but as quickly as the thought came into her head, it disappeared again. She didn't want to give him hope only to snatch it away again. She wasn't sure whether they could make it work, but God was she going to try.

She capped the pen with its lid and strategically placed the letter, propped up against the little bowl of sugar that sat on the counter, so that if he woke up and looked around for her, he'd see it sat on the counter explaining where she was.

She slipped her feet into her shoes and tip-toed across his floor once again and took one last chance to press a kiss to his forehead. She let her lips linger there for longer than before and as he stirred, she cringed and quickly pulled away. The _last_ thing she wanted was for him to wake up and see her leave. But this was just something she had to do.

She found her bag and reached inside and grabbed her keys that held the set he'd had cut specially for her. Letting out a sigh, she unlocked the door, slipped out and re-locked it behind her. She then leant against the door and took a series of deep breaths.

She'd heard that there comes a point in your life when you realise who really matters, who never did, and who always will. And despite herself, she knew that Danny would always be that person in her life that mattered, that _always_ mattered; no matter what.

* * *

><p>"What's that you've got there?"<p>

Lindsay jumped from her place on the floor and turned to face Patrick as he made his way into her bedroom that was quickly emptying as the day drew on.

"Just a little letter." She shrugged, folding the note she'd left Danny that night and placing it back where she'd found it. "Reminding me of where I've been and where I don't want to go again."

"From Danny?" he inquired, just a tint of jealousy in his tone.

"_To_ Danny actually," She corrected him. "I'm not sure how I ended up with it to be honest."

"Can I see?"

"Would you want to do that to yourself?" she asked, a little surprised at his request.

"I don't know, do I?"

"I've got nothing to hide," she offered it to him. "But you've got to understand where I was at that point, and understand that I'm nowhere near that place anymore. Things have changed since then."

Patrick nodded and considered taking the outstretched letter for a moment or two before shaking his head. "You know what, it's not my place; I don't even know why I asked actually. I'm just jealous." He winked playfully at her. "As much as I try not to trash talk the guy, sometimes I just can't help the jealousy I get right about here," he pointed to his chest. "You're my girl and I hate that he- I'm going off topic," he blushed as he caught himself in the middle of a rant.

"You've got nothing to be jealous about." She assured him with a smile. "I'm done with that part of my life." She shook her head. "It was way too messy and it wasn't healthy for me or him. Besides," she paused. "You're cute when you get defensive."

He offered her a warm smile before holding up the reason why he'd come into her bedroom in the first place. "So, what do you want me to do with this?" he questioned.

Her eyes soaked in the object that he was holding up, and a pang of longing filled her chest. "Oh that? Um," she paused scratched her head as she tried to make her decision. "Uh, could you put it in the things to be shipped?"

"Really?" He asked, slightly shocked at her decision. "It looks pretty worn and battered. I was just gonna toss it out but I wanted to check first."

"I know it's tatty," she shrugged. "But it's got a lot of sentimental value. It used to be my brother's. He taught me how to catch with it. It's silly I know, but it means a lot to me."

"Say no more," Patrick offered her a smile. "I'm glad I asked now."

She smiled brightly at him before turning back to the shoebox of things she was rifling through. She closed her eyes as guilt washed over her. She felt horrible about lying to Patrick about the baseball glove, but Danny had given that to her after they'd spent an afternoon and evening in his childhood neighbourhood, throwing his lucky baseball back and forth to one another on the very pitch that he used to play little league on. As much as she had moved on from him, she wasn't ready to give it up. It meant too much to him for her to just throw it out. And if she was completely honest, it meant too much to her to throw such a special memory away as if it meant nothing.

Even after everything that had happened; she just wasn't ready to let it go and she was doing everything in her power not to ask herself why she was keeping sentimental gifts from her ex-boyfriend. She also was desperately trying to overlook the fact that she'd just lost herself for fifteen minutes as she relived one of two most emotional nights in her entire life. She desperately tried not to overanalyse the fact that when she thought about it, she could still feel Danny's touch just as much as she'd felt it on top of the pool table all those months ago.

As it stood, she was overlooking every feeling of uncertainty and longing; praying that as soon as she left New York, those feelings would leave her too.

She just wasn't sure how well that would work out for her.

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><p><strong>eeeeks! I'd really appreciate it if you let me know what you thought. I hope it was okay! Thanks for reading, guys! :) <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well guys, thank you so much! I appreciate all of your kind words from last chapter. It was a bit of a monster, so I appreciate the time it must have taken to read it all. I hope you enjoyed it and it wasn't too emotionally draining ;). This one isn't as half as emotional as that one, so I think you can put your tissues away for now. :) **

**I'll leave it there for today, because it appears that if I carry on, I'm going to end up telling you the rest of the story and we don't want to do that... so huge thank yous to those that reviewed last chapter. You guys are great and really keeping me motivated with this story.** Lady-Buster, Megan, afrozenheart412, brendanakai, cklovesm-m, saderia, pretty7 and 18lzytwner

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><p><strong>Ben Harper – Walk Away<strong>

_They say time will make all this go away, but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays. And once again, that rising sun is dropping on down. And once again you my friend are nowhere to be found. _

* * *

><p>The lecturing job hadn't been for her. She knew that deep down, it wouldn't be. She wanted to be useful; to apply what she knew to situations that needed solutions. She wanted to help solve the crimes that needed solving. She didn't want to make up hypothetical situations (which nine times out of ten were actually real occurrences that she'd encountered in New York, to satisfy her longing to be back there with the team). She wanted to help bring closure to families, and she couldn't do that in a lecture theatre... And if she watched another hungover student run from the damn lecture hall in search of the nearest restroom, she'd lose all respect for herself for insisting on pursing something that was making her so unhappy.<p>

Yes it was a job, a well respected, well paid and enjoyable job... but it just wasn't _her_ job. She spent her free periods between her classes and lectures researching potential opening positions in various departments of the local crime scene units. After coming up with nothing, she'd extended her searches from local to not so local; desperate to find something to appease her aching need to get back into the field.

Except Danny had been right; trying to land a job in their profession was seriously tough. She was drained from searching, teaching, lecturing and disheartened from getting absolutely nowhere.

Patrick had been supportive, and reminded her everyday of how much he appreciated her making such a sacrifice for him. Which, in turn she appreciated. It would make her situation a lot more difficult if he was less than acknowledgeable about all that she'd given up for him and the struggles she was now having to face. The same conversation perhaps didn't need to take place every single day, but she had come to understand that it was the way that Patrick was. He felt guilty and wanted to make sure she knew that he wasn't about to take her for granted. He'd asked a lot of her and while she was more than willing to go along with it, trusting in him, she sometimes wondered whether... No, she knew it was worth it. It was. He was quite wonderful to her. She didn't regret her decision to move to Chicago with him one bit. He loved her, and he made her feel special.

Eventually after a string of sleepless nights, she'd packed in her job with the College; realising that she was just kidding herself. She had a few interviews lined up for local departments that would provide her with the step up that she'd needed since they'd moved to Chicago months ago.

She'd gone on tours of each workplace with the other potential employees, and while she tried to keep the negativity out of her mind, she couldn't help but feel disheartened at what she was presented with. Going from a top of the range crime lab to a little unit with less than stellar equipment was quite the adjustment. She wouldn't be having little dates with EDNA. She wouldn't be able to beat the crap out of their massive GCMS machine after Adam messed around with it. She wouldn't have the access to the things she needed to in order to do her job to the best of her ability. She wouldn't have her sounding board... not that she needed him. No, she was perfectly fine by herself.

When she'd been hired, raised eyebrows were among the interview panel at her request for a job. They'd argued that she was overqualified for the position of a lab technician. Her resume was impressive; that was undeniable. They'd lamely pointed out to her that she'd worked for one of the top crime labs in the country, in which she had been a key crime scene investigator, helping to send the crime rates plummeting after she herself joined the team. She had an incredible reference from both her Montana supervisor and Mac Taylor. They'd been floored at the signature at the bottom of the complimentary recommendation that Lindsay Monroe would be their best employee to date if they chose to hire her. However, with all that evidence pointing to Lindsay being an impressive candidate, they asked her politely if she wished to reconsider her application; perhaps withdraw and wait for a position at the crime lab at Detective level; something that was more suited to her career path.

But rather than agree with them and take her application and rip it to shreds, she'd plastered a smile on her face, shook her head politely and explained that she didn't want to wait for something to open up. She'd rather be working at the bottom of the totem pole, being good at what she was doing, as opposed to doing something completely unrelated to the field that she ultimately wanted to work in. So long as she had her foot in the door at the crime lab, there was eventually going to be that opportunity for her to land that position that she so desperately wanted.

And she'd landed the first lab technician job she applied for. And the second... and the third... and the fourth. She was inundated with choice. She and Patrick celebrated after she accepted one of the positions– he went all out and he took her to have dinner in a beautiful (and highly expensive) restaurant that Lindsay had seen on the way to their apartment from the Airport upon first arriving. Then Patrick had taken her to the top of Sears Tower - or Willis Tower as it was now called - to soak in the sites of the city in front of them; the city that had become their home together. The view was spectacular, all lit up as they watched the sun set on the horizon – it had been a perfect end to their celebration. But something just didn't feel right. She knew she should be happy – hell, ecstatic that her life was finally getting back on track – but there was something in the pit of her stomach that told her that things weren't right. She felt like something was missing; like she'd lost something. She didn't voice her concerns, or even really dared to admit it to herself; but when she thought about it, the view ahead of her didn't give her the same feeling of butterflies. It didn't wow her to the degree that somewhere else had - somewhere else that still had a tight hold of her heart. She knew that with time, that awe and longing she still felt would disappear, and she'd have the same feelings. Time solved a lot of things; she'd learnt that from experience. That feeling of butterflies would find their way into her tummy eventually.

The scary thing though was that she wasn't sure whether it was the city or the company that wasn't providing her with the same butterflies. She cast a glance to her side and smiled brightly at the man stood with his fingers intertwined with her own, and she sighed as he squeezed her hand affectionately.

There _was_ something missing. And that scared her.

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><p><strong>Funnily enough, one of my best friends has just been to Chicago and took about a bazillion pictures from the Willis Tower and other parts of Chicago... so it was funny to editre-read this to make sure it was okay as my friend put up her photos onto Facebook. I don't know why I shared that. Hahaha, moving on, a very short, filler chapter almost, but it's the beginning of things turning around; I'll put it that way ;) **

**I'd love for you to let me know what you thought... it'd be much appreciated. Thanks for reading! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys! Another update for you. I'm gonna keep this A/N short and sweet because, well, we're getting to the good parts, so mum's the word! I'm going to reply to your lovely reviews in the morning because it's nearly 3.30am and I'm exhausted, (excuses, excuses! I know...) Glad that some of you are still sticking around. We've got two more chapters after this one here, so it's winding down now - which means... well you'll see ;) **

**Now this song, omg, go and Youtube it. Pia is a brilliant singer and the song is just pure love! I've had it on repeat all night. It wasn't the original song I had for this chapter but it fit kind of well, so I was like let's do this! So yes, go Youtube it!**

**Huge thank you to those who reviewed last chapter. I'll send you personal replies later, but for now, massive hugs to: **Lady-Buster, rhymenocerous, 18lzytwner, cklovesm-m, brendanakai, afrozenheart412.

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><p>T<strong>his Time – Pia Toscano<strong>

_This time, I'm gonna do it my way. This time I'm finding out the hard way. This time I'm gonna go back to the girl I was on the night you found __me. No more, holding back the real me. Just wait; in a minute you'll see, this time, just in time, it's my time for getting back to the real me._

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><p>"Um, I'm sorry Lindsay, but could you just remind me who is it with the Detective badge? Yeah, I thought so. Myself. So while your theory is fantastic, how about you leave those theories to me and you stick to processing my evidence and giving me my results." Lindsay growled in annoyance, replaying that damned conversation over and over in her head. She'd never, ever spoken to anyone like that before. She'd never played the Detective card. She'd never needed to. It wasn't like that back in New York. Nor was it like that in Montana. They'd been a team, a family - not part of a contest.<p>

She fumed as she aggressively pulled into a parking spot and parked her car in the garage. She then stomped all the way up the stairs because their elevator was out once again. Who spoke to people like that? She continued her inward rant. Who was rude enough to speak to people they worked with like that? Especially considering that douchebag _needed _her in order to solve his damn cases with his damn theories... because Lord knew he was physically incapable of picking up a damn test tube himself.

"UGH!" She cried as she hit her front door with her hand in frustration when she'd lost her patience with her keys and the door lock. She took great pleasure in envisioning Callaghan's face, because smacking him upside the head a few times would be a much better pain than the throbbing that was going on with her hand from hitting the door. Within seconds the door was opened with a concerned Patrick stood on the other side.

"Hey babe," he said tentatively. "Bad day?"

"You don't even know," she growled as she made her way into the apartment. "Worst day ever."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She snapped as she kicked her shoes off angrily and silently made her way to the couch, dropping herself down dramatically.

Patrick followed her silently and nudged her forwards settling behind her on the couch. He pulled her into his body and wrapped his arms tightly around her as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Well, it's over now. You don't have to worry about whatever happened."

"It's only going to be the same again tomorrow." She grumped at him. "It's the same every day. Most days I'm just lucky enough not to get it to my face."

"Well, there were those other positions you were offered. Surely you could-"

"They've been snapped up, Patrick." She growled. "The world doesn't exactly have time to wait for me to make my mind up whether or not I like a job."

"Okay," he nodded as his fingers fused to her shoulders, kneading the knots from her muscles. "Okay, well if you want to vent to me, go ahead. I'm all ears."

"No," she sighed, melting underneath his touch. "No, because if I start I won't stop. Let's change the subject - how was your day?"

"Good," Patrick smiled against her skin as he pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder. "we made great progress with the James' deal. It looks like we might close it by the end of the week."

"Oh yeah?" Lindsay smiled over her shoulder. "That's great honey," she offered him a kiss. "I'm proud of you."

"Yeah, so construction will probably get started up soon. Thank God, I think my bosses were beginning to think they'd made a mistake in hiring me."

"No," Lindsay shook her head. "You're brilliant at what you do and they can see that. There's no way they'd regret hiring you."

He pressed another kiss to her temple. "I got you something."

"Oh yeah?" she smiled, feeling her bad mood slowly filter away.

"Yeah, close your eyes, let me go get them."

"Them?" she squeaked. "There's more than one?"

"You'll see." He grinned as he extracted himself out from behind her and climbed over the arm of the chair. Seconds later, Patrick was back, desperately trying to prevent his present from rustling.

"Alright, open your eyes."

Lindsay opened her eyes and forced a smile. "Aw, wow."

"You don't like them," he frowned instantly. "Is it because they're too pink?"

"No, no sweetheart, no it's not that. They're gorgeous."

"That's it?" Patrick teased. "Gorgeous? Lindsay... just tell me if you don't like them. You won't hurt my feelings... that much at least." He winked playfully at her.

"No, it's a lovely gesture and so sweet of you to get me flowers."

"But..."

"I don't want to sound ungrateful," she protested.

"But..." he prompted once again with an encouraging smile.

"But," She sighed, "I've told you before, and you've seen how bad I am with flowers..."

"See, I thought about that." Patrick smirked. "So I went ahead and made dinner too. It's your favourite."

"You made that Thai curry I found the recipe for?" She gasped in excitement.

"No," he frowned. "I uh, actually I made my mom's casserole."

"Oh!" she cringed.

A silence fell between them that unnerved Lindsay. It wasn't a comfortable silence that she'd become accustomed to. It was more awkward, leaving her with an overwhelming urge to fill the silence between them. "Well that's my second favourite if that's any conciliation."

"I'm not too hot with my surprises tonight am I?" he mused, clearly disheartened.

"No, no honey, come on. I've just had a bad day and I'm out of sync. It's not you, it's me." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss to his lips. "Come on, you can help me with these flowers and we can cuddle until dinner's ready. You can tell me all about the James' deal."

Patrick smiled, the twinkle slowly coming back to his green eyes as he tangled his fingers between her's and led her off to the kitchen to help his hopeless girlfriend with her flowers.

* * *

><p>"So basically, when it comes down to it, he's going to be tied into the contract and won't be able to back out. Isn't that great?"<p>

"It doesn't sound so great for him." Lindsay furrowed her brow. "What if... I'm not sure whether I understand. Explain it to me from your side; it might make more sense if I can understand why that would be good."

"Well, for the company, we need to make sure that he stays with us; rather than going elsewhere. So once his pen touches that line, he can't change his mind... which is great for us babe, trust me."

"But what about them? What if something happens to say his family or company and financially he can't afford anymore?"

"Meh," Patrick shrugged. "It's a dog eat dog world, he knows what he's getting into if he reads the small print."

"What are the chances of him reading the small print?" Lindsay mused.

"It's there for him to read" Patrick shrugged. "Really, he should be sometimes it's overlooked, it's hard to say."

Lindsay nodded in understanding. "So because you're project manager on this does that mean you get any extra benefits with it being such a big deal."

"Not on this one... I think they want to see how well I do."

Lindsay nodded. "But it's a start."

"Yep," Patrick smiled. "So all we need now is for someone on your lovely crime scene team to get shot or get pregnant and then you can get yourself in there, personally my vote is Callaghan, and then everything will be perfect for us."

"Well, I won't go as far as wanting someone to get shot... not even that waste of space." she fumed. "I'm not _that _unhappy."

"You're not the one that has to wipe your tears though, babe," Patrick poked her nose from across the table. He then offered her a smile as he poured himself another glass of wine. "You'll get your big break soon though honey, that door is gonna swing open for you."

"I hope so," she sighed, once again falling into that silence between them that she'd become to notice.

She picked up her glass and took a healthy sip of her wine. After the day she'd had, a few awkward silences were the least of her worries.

Clearly though, Patrick was not as comfortable as she was with their silence. "Other than work, is everything else okay?"

"How'd you mean?" she questioned, running her fingertips over the rim of her wine glass as she placed it back on the table top. "Of course everything is okay."

"Sure?"

"Absolutely," she insisted. "Why wouldn't everything be okay? You're okay aren't you?"

"More than," he replied.

"Well there you go. You're okay, I'm okay. We're both okay."

That same silence fell between them for a prolonged period of time while they consumed their dinner. Lindsay threw in the complimentary pleasurable moans as she progressed through her meal; gushing over his culinary skills as she felt was appropriate, and he in turn brushed off her compliments, arguing that he simply followed a strict recipe from his mother. Then finally, after another extended period of silence, Patrick placed his knife and fork down noisily, instantly gaining her attention.

"Alright," Looking up from his dinner, he sighed. "What's the problem?"

Furrowing her brow, Lindsay sat back a little at his abrupt tone, "What?"

"What's the problem?" He repeated, a little softer with his tone this time.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine! There isn't a problem... I told you I was fine earlier. I just had a bad day at work."

"See, I thought that... but babe, I'm not so sure. You haven't seemed as happy in a long time now."

"That's crazy!" she implored. "You know I've been stressed with all this work stuff. That's all. It's enough to send the happiest person in the world to a state of depression. I just need to find my place and I'll be fine."

"Yeah and how many times do you expect me to buy that Lindsay? Don't you realise that I've been constantly making an effort every night to try and make you happy?"

"Yes, and I'm happy," she smiled at him. "I might not have said it out loud, but I've picked up on how sweet you've been. And I love you for it. You know how I appreciate all that you've done for me."

"I know you appreciate me, but I'm not sure whether it's enough anymore."

"Patrick," she sighed, pushing her dinner away from her. "Look, this is getting blown way out of proportion."

"Linds, just hear me out here for a minute."

She opened her mouth to protest but decided against it and fell silent, giving him the chance to explain himself.

"Look, I've tried really hard not to think too much about it, but ever since we left New York, I can't help but notice that you've been different. Initially I put it down to stress and adjustment. It's a big thing that we did together and I know that this hasn't been easy on you. You gave up a lot and I wanted to give you the space that you needed to make sure that you were comfortable here in Chicago and you were comfortable here with me... But as time has passed, I've had a niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that maybe it isn't just you trying to adjust. I have a sneaky feeling it's something bigger."

"I'll admit I was unhappy at the college, but you knew that. You knew how much I hated it. I thought I'd like it... teaching, but it wasn't for me. I'm finally edging my way into the crime lab and things will get better. We just need a bit more time and I'll be back to myself."

"I can't help but wonder though whether you would have been any different if you would have walked into a crime scene job from the get-go. I don't want to start an argument here baby, I really don't, but I really don't think you're happy here, are you?"

"You're being silly," she informed him. "Let's just finish dinner and talk about it later."

"Like we usually do?" he sighed. "I think it needs to be addressed. How long do you think we can go on just ignoring what's right there in front of us?"

"What is right in front of us?" she implored, pushing her remaining dinner from one side of her plate to the other. "I'm so confused, what's right in front of us?"

"Linds, look at me." He stood strong in trying to catch her eyes. "Babe..."

She sighed as she turned her gaze away from her dinner and met his eyes. Her tearful eyes told him that he wasn't far from uncovering the truth.

"I love you and you know that – but I feel like you're slipping through my fingertips. I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"Patrick, I said I've been stressed and-"

"Stress has nothing to do with this. People don't change like you have, Lindsay. It's like something snapped inside of you."

"Babe, you're ruining my dinner." She interrupted him. "So if you wouldn't mind..."

"Look Lindsay," he sighed, dejected as he pushed his dinner away from him. "I know you're not happy."

"I never said that." She spluttered, a hint of exasperation in her tone. "Look... This is just... I don't even know where this has come from. I'm fine. I'm happy." She faked a smile. "See..."

He shook his head slowly. "You're not happy, Linds."

"I am." She insisted. "I've never said I wasn't."

"You don't have to. It's all over your face. Babe, this isn't me picking a fight, it's about what we both know but what we both refuse to admit."

"What are you saying?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Can I ask you a question?"

She nodded slowly in response.

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Despite his random question she considered it, and then nodded thoughtfully, "I guess I do, yeah."

"So do I," he nodded. "Now, I have another question."

"Okay." She blinked, unsure of where he was going.

"I want you to think about your answer before you answer me though."

"Okay," she promised.

"Do you honestly think that I'm your soulmate?"

"Patrick-" She blurted out.

"Lindsay, honey, I said think about it."

She swallowed. "I think you could be. Over time."

"That wasn't the answer I was looking for," He took a deep breath as he prepared himself for what he was about to say. "Baby, you know I love you, but you're with me because I was there that night. I was charming, kind and exactly what you needed at the time. I knew what I was getting myself in for and you were nothing but honest with me. You told me that you weren't looking for company, didn't you?"

She nodded and smiled at the memory of the night where they'd first met.

"But I pushed because I wanted you in my life. I knew what I was getting into. I knew that you'd just gotten out of a relationship. I wasn't under any false hope that you'd just forget about him because I know that he meant a lot to you."

"But you mean a lot to me-"

"I know I do. We're good together and together we mended that broken heart of yours, but I'm not the one you want to be with. I'm not the one you belong with... where your heart belongs. God knows I wish it was, but it's not me."

"I... You're not... We..." Her heart began to race as she could feel the feelings she'd fought to keep at bay slowly working their way through her wall she'd put up to protect herself. She'd so desperately wanted Patrick to be the answer to all the questions she'd been asking over the years. She'd so desperately wanted him to be the one that she was meant to be with. As he continued on though, she couldn't help but realise what it was she'd been doing all this time: ignoring what was right there in front of her. She'd found out the hard way that she'd been denying the truth for the past eighteen months.

"Look, I get it." He whispered. "You love me, but you'll never love me the way that you loved him. I understand that now... it's taken me a while, but I get it."

Lindsay licked her lips. She'd always known, but she'd refused to let herself think about him. He had his chance and he'd blown it with her. But now, all the memories she'd shoved to the side were flowing back to her. She could slowly feel herself going to the back she was on the night that Patrick had found her. Only this time, she was stronger. She was level headed. She knew what she wanted.

She wanted Danny.

She'd been in denial all this time. She'd been so busy convincing herself that she wasn't in love with Danny that the more she tried to convince herself out of it, the more Patrick became receptive to the signs she was sending him. The girl she'd been when Patrick had made his move in that diner all those months ago was just a dark memory now. She knew that what had happened with Danny was not, nor had it ever been her fault. Patrick had given that knowledge to her, subconsciously of course. He'd given her the confidence that she'd lost with Danny. He'd helped her figure out who she was again, but even then she still found a piece of her missing. That damned piece that Danny still had a hold of.

She knew what she had to do. She didn't like it, and she didn't want to accept it, but she had to. She couldn't lie to herself any more.

After a few more moments of that dreaded silence, she looked up and swiped her tears away. Her eyes met Patrick's and he offered her a sad smile. "I gave it my best shot with you." Patrick whispered. "I tried and I can't do any more than that."

Lindsay swallowed as she felt tears filling her eyes. "I..." She massaged her temple with her fingertips. "I never... Patrick, you have to know that I -"

"I know you didn't." He assured her, knowing exactly what she meant. "I know you didn't mean for things to turn out like this. I know you wanted to fall for me. I know that when you moved out here with me, you were in it completely. Your heart might not have been, but I know you were. I know that you didn't mean to hurt me, and you haven't, not really. It just... The heart wants what the heart wants. And the heart doesn't want me. I hate that it isn't me, but such is as life. It's your call, sweetheart. If you want to go, you can go." He said with a sigh. "Just know that when I said I loved you. I did... I just realise that he's something that could never be replaced. Just listen to what you already know, okay?"

Without hesitation, Lindsay jumped in. "I loved you with everything I had; I still do love you. I want you to know that, Patrick. When I moved here with you, my heart was in it with you and only you; please don't think that I-"

"I know," he assured her. "And I love you too baby."

She stood from the table gingerly and moved toward the person she thought she loved and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. She inhaled the lingering scent of his shampoo one last time and found a lump in her throat form as she realised that would be the last time she did such a thing towards him. She ran her fingertip down his cheek affectionately before turning on her heel and headed into the bedroom.

She slumped down onto their bed and took a deep breath. Was she making a huge mistake walking away from Patrick? She'd given Danny chance after chance after chance and he'd screwed up every time. Patrick was in their living room; his heart breaking over something that was out of his control. He'd done nothing to her; in fact, he'd been an incredible boyfriend.

Alright she missed Danny, but had that simply been because she'd never received the closure that she probably needed from the relationship? They'd ended on rocky terms with neither really knowing whether they were coming or going. Neither of them had thought that Lindsay would end up with someone new. Lindsay included in that. So when that was thrown into the equation, had she ever really gained that last bit of closure she needed in order to move on? After a break up, her mother had always told her not to go backwards. Never go back, always onwards and upwards to bigger and better things.

She was sick and tired of the continuous bullshit that Danny threw at her. When she thought of Danny, she felt drained and emotionally exhausted, yet when she thought of Patrick she felt stability and security. But, the deal-sealer lay with Danny. He was that she could still feel butterflies for. After all this time, and after everything.

She knew the heart wanted one thing, her mind telling her that she wanted another, so feeling like she was left with no other option, she pulled out a coin from her pocket and twiddled the quarter in her fingertips before flipping it in the air. She didn't call heads or tails because when the coin was in the air, she suddenly realised what answer it was that she wanted. She knew what she wanted to do. What she _needed_ to do.

She stood from the bed and picked up the picture by her nightstand of herself and Patrick. She gazed at the picture for a moment before kissing her finger and pressing it to Patrick's smiling still face. She then placed it back on the nightstand and turned to her wardrobe. She rummaged in the bottom for her hold all and set it on the bed before she began to pack some of her belongings. She was taking deep breaths with every piece of clothing she threw into her bag. She wasn't sure she understood what had just happened; it had been so sudden and unexpected. She'd had plans for the evening. Mundane and quite boring plans granted, but they were plans nonetheless. She'd been looking forward to watching the things they'd made a point of TiVOing while cuddling on the couch. She'd set her mind on a nice bath, which Patrick would have probably joined her in... But now none of that was going to happen.

She'd loved before Danny - she'd had boyfriends that she'd been smitten with. She'd had boyfriends that she'd been on the verge of getting engaged to. She'd had boyfriends that had left her heartbroken... But there was a part of her that knew none of them had ever really mattered. Not as much as Danny had. She knew that she could honestly say that he was the first person she'd fallen in love with wholly and completely. She'd given him everything and because of that, he still had a piece of her; a piece of her that she'd never get back. She'd given her heart to Danny, and although she hadn't realised it at the time, that piece of her was forever Danny's.

He had those kisses that she'd never forget. Those secrets she'd only ever dared to share with him. He had those late nights and early mornings where she was tangled in the sheets with him. He had those painful memories of Montana that she'd shared with him, and only him, in the courtroom. He was the one who still suffered from the hand injury he'd obtained in a hostage situation because he'd taken her shift for her, just to let her sleep a little longer. He was the one that she'd had to fight to fall out of love with, and just fell even more in love with him despite her efforts. He had given her a home in a foreign place. She couldn't deny him of how much he'd unknowingly given to her; whether he was aware of it or not. So much of who she was now was because of Danny; whether or not she liked to admit it.

What she was doing though was taking everything that she had – but one door had closed and another had opened. With a clear mind she realised that Patrick had never stood a chance; as much as she had wanted to make it work with him, it was simply impossible. Quite simply without Danny Messer, Lindsay Monroe wasn't Lindsay Monroe, which meant that she now had to let go of one and prepare herself to grab hold of another.

And this time, she wasn't going to let him slip through her fingertips.

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><p><strong>BOOM! So, where do we think we're going from here? Let me know what you think. Thanks so much for reading. :) <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well folks, this is most definitely the chapter that you've all been waiting for. Ahh! And can I just tell you all how excited I am for you to read it? This was the chapter that sparked this story, although the initial version looked a lot different to this. I wrote the foundations of this chapter about a year and a half ago and it grew from there and took a life of it's own... so I do really hope you guys like it and it doesn't disappoint. **

**Huge thank you to the lovely people who reviewed last chapter. You guys are great and really keeping me motivated with your lovely reviews! c**klovesm-m, Alice Quarantine, KTmac09, brendanakai, Pamro, afrozenheart412 **and** 18lzytwner!

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><p><strong>The Way I Loved You – Taylor Swift.<strong>

_And you were wild and crazy. Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated. Got away by some mistake and now I miss screamin' and fightin', and kissin' in the rain. It's two am and I'm cursing your name. I'm so in love that I acted insane, and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, it's a rollercoaster kind of rush, and I never knew I could feel that much. And that's the way I loved you._

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><p>Gazing at the seatbelt signs; she held her cell phone in her hand tight, waiting for the first opportunity to switch her phone on as the plane she'd been sat on for the last God knows how long. Her heart was in her throat and even then it was racing. Her stomach was flipping and her eyes were glazed with anticipation... with anxiety.<p>

She just hoped that everything wasn't a huge mistake like she really thought it was.

With the seatbelt sign flashing off throughout the cabin, Lindsay pressed her finger down on her 'ON' button and shook the phone; as if it would work quicker with her desperate shakes. The second she could see her service bar finding reception she scrambled for the unlock button on her phone. "Please be off work." She whispered as she held down speed dial two and listened to the line trying to connect. "Please..."

"Messer."

"Danny," she whispered. "Danny, it's Lindsay."

"Montana?" His tone was surprised. Shocked.

"Listen, I know this is a little out of the blue, but I'm sat on a plane at JFK; can you come get me?" She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she waited for his answer.

She fortunately didn't have to wait very long.

"What's your flight number?"

She told him and in response, he told her he'd be stood in Arrivals waiting for her in fifteen minutes. He then disconnected without another word and she was left staring at her cell phone.

God did she hope she was making the right choice.

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><p>Danny Messer stared at his phone behind the wheel of the Avalanche. He blinked once, twice, three times before going to his Recent Calls list and checking he'd not just dreamed that conversation.<p>

Lindsay couldn't be in New York... could she?

He looked again and listened to the replaying of her voice in his mind. She was at JFK. He was five minutes away from the airport. He shook his head in disbelief; this only happened in movies that she used to make him watch with her.

He had about a thousand questions bubbling inside of him. How? When? Why now? Seriously? What?

When she had left, she'd broken his heart. Granted he'd done a good job of shattering her's first, but a part of him – the selfish part of course – had been convinced that they could have worked through everything. The day she told him that she'd fallen in love with someone else and she didn't love him anymore – that she was over him - was the day he'd lost a part of him. He knew a huge part of their breakup was that she'd tried to accept everything that he'd done in the wake of Ruben Sandoval's death, but she just couldn't manage it. She'd dealt with a lot of shit from him, and she'd eventually gotten to the point where enough was enough. Deep down, it was what he expected. Hell, it had been what he'd deserved. It didn't mean though that it had been what he had wanted. He'd made a series of mistakes that had formed into one huge mistake, which had successfully wrecked the last year and a half of his life. People made mistakes, maybe not as many and as often as he did... but it was human nature. He'd never ever thought she'd let it get as far as it did. He never thought she was as serious as she had been; and that was quite possibly his biggest downfall. Underestimating her. He'd learnt over the years to never question her. Never bet against her. She was a stubborn little thing and if her mind was set on something – it was going to happen, no matter what stood in her way.

But in all honestly, knowing that she was sat in Chicago playing house with some guy that had whisked her off her feet, showing her the love he hadn't had the chance to, killed him. Now though... now she was back. And for the first time in a year and a half; the void within didn't seem as daunting. The knot in his stomach that had become a constant thing had vanished into thin air it seemed. And he dared not to admit it, but a smile was tugging at his lips. He took a deep breath and exhaled as he switched the lights on and abruptly made a U-turn.

He had nothing to lose by going to pick her up.

But he had everything to gain.

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><p>She didn't know why, but she'd deliberately taken her time getting off the plane. She'd taken her time walking through the Terminal, going as far as letting elderly couples pass her despite their inability to keep a quick pace. She'd made a stop at the restroom that she hadn't even needed. She spent longer washing her hands and drying them than what she usually did. She just wanted to bide her time so that if, in fifteen minutes he wasn't there – she wouldn't have to walk away from what could be a watching audience; watching her stand there, waiting for someone who hadn't come. But now she didn't have anything left to do within the terminal before she emerged into Arrivals. Her heart was thumping in her chest as she strode towards the doors separating the last year and a half of her life, and her potential future. She gripped to her single carry on, letting it dangle by her knees as she took one last breath before pushing through the doors. The masses of people overwhelmed her for a moment or so and her eyes desperately searched the crowd for him. She felt tears rising in her eyes; even though he'd driven her to do it, ultimately all of this mess was her own fault. She'd done this. She'd moved away.<p>

And she couldn't blame him for not being there.

She took one more step and as she did so, an elderly gentleman moved with his family, bringing the one person she was looking for into her sight. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he'd seen her first. His eyes were glistening, and the bouquet of flowers he was holding was dangerously close to slipping from his already loose grip. Her instincts were tugging her towards him, and in an instant she dropped her bag and raced towards him; tears slipping down her cheek as she did so.

In the time it had taken her to drop her bag, he'd dropped the flowers and was ready to catch her as she flung herself at him. He braced himself as her head connected with his strong chest;giving her a chance to instantly inhale his scent that she'd missed so much. She wrapped her slender arms around his torso, squeezing him tight and after a few moments of hesitance he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, taking the opportunity to inhale the faint smells of her shampoo that lingered in her hair. She still smelt the same. She still felt the same way when she was wrapped in his arms. He let out a breath as he tightened his grip on her. He could feel her tears soaking his shirt and he was proud to say that he didn't even care. He hoped that they weren't tears of sorrow or of heartbreak, but if they were, he would be the person to fix it. He would. He was determined.

It took all of his willpower but somehow he managed to back away from her for a second as he used his index finger to raise her chin so that she was looking up at him. He wiped her tears away before looking her in the eyes. "You're beautiful."

She giggled tearfully. "Hardly, I've been up all night, I've been on a plane for the last hour and a half and my make-up is probably all the way down my face," she hiccupped. "Not to mention I'm wearing the clothes I wore to work today, with a coffee stain right here." She pointed to the stained material. "I can't see me being the definition of beautiful exactly."

"None of that stops you from being beautiful," he whispered softly. "In fact, it makes you more so."

She bit her lip and fought the blush on her cheeks. She was about to explain everything when she spied a bunch of flowers out of the corner of her eye and realised that he'd bought them for her. Flowers? What?

"I hate flowers." She told him, her eyes locked on his, her hand gesturing down to the discarded bouquet of flowers. "I thought you knew that."

"That didn't stop you from stoppin' Patrick buyin' you flowers. I thought you'd changed your stance on them."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I haven't."

A small smile tugged at his lips. He dug in his pocket before pulling out something small and shiny. "It's a good job I thought ahead and brought you this then." He held his closed hand out and she opened her palm underneath his hand. He dropped the single Hershey's kiss into her hand. "It's a little melted, but it'll still do the trick."

"You... you remembered." She cried, tears filling her eyes.

"The small things are the things you love the most." He smiled before clearing his throat. Even though he was enjoying seeing her and soaking all of her in, he'd had enough of their pleasantries. He needed to know. "Lindsay, what are you doing?" His voice was soft and unassuming but desperate for answers; desperate to know where he stood with her - if he stood anywhere at all. "What are you doing here?"

She wiped her stray tears and sniffled. "My heart wasn't in it. It was somewhere else."

"But you loved him." Danny reminded her. "That's why you left."

"Not entirely." Lindsay admitted. "I thought I did. And I could have loved him but-"

"You told me you didn't love me anymore, that you were over me." he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You said that to me, twice actually. You made sure that I heard you loud and clear I seem to remember."

"I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." She hadn't even realised what she'd said until she heard her words; when they were too late to stop or take back. She inwardly cringed at what she'd just revealed to both him and herself. Had that really been what this was all about? She was decidedly positive that it wasn't, but there was a lingering in her gut that maybe, just maybe, it could have been an unknown ulterior motive. And it shocked her that it had taken her all this time to realise. She wanted him to realise how bad he'd hurt her.

"Well, you succeeded," He sighed, completely unaware of her internal musings. "And you did a hell of a job... You told me yourself that you loved him Lindsay, you can't just switch that off."

"It could never be the way I loved you, though; the way I still love you." She said as she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her nose against his with her hand placed strategically against his chest, just above where his heart lay. "Letting you go made me a different person, Danny. I tried to pretend that it didn't hurt me, knowing that I was hurting you, but it just made it worse."

"I know I hurt you," he said as he edged away from her. "But I couldn't deal with waiting around for you to come back like I wanted you to; I thought that was it... I thought we were over."

"I - I thought we were too. But there's always been this part of me, that always thought that we weren't finished. That we'd left things..." She trailed off as she began to realise that maybe her feelings were one-sided. Had she just made a huge mistake."

"You told me that we were over, you told me you moved on. You fell in love with someone else, Linds. You left me with no choice but to move on."

She moved away from him abruptly. How hadn't she realised? Why didn't she think about it before? "Did you meet someone else?"

Her question was one he had prepared himself for, and he was going to say yes. He was. Just to hurt her like she'd hurt him. But as he looked into her brown eyes, he realised that he just couldn't lie to her. Not again. He'd told her enough lies to last a lifetime.

"No." He replied honestly.

"Did you move on from me? Are you over me?"

"Well I- "He narrowed his eyes. "I think I am, yeah."

She raised an eyebrow, "You wouldn't be here if you were." She'd said it on a whim, hoping to God that she had just played his bluff like he had wanted her to. "You wouldn't have come to get me. I totally cut you out of my life until today and I know you Danny you'd have told me you were busy; you've got no reason to be here other than you wanting to be here. You haven't moved on any more than I have Danny and you know it."

"I can't get anything passed you." He sighed as he pulled his fingers through his hair. "You've left your bag over there." He muttered as he backed away from her.

His actions suggested that he was about to up and leave. Had it all been too much? Was seeing her not what he wanted? Had she pushed him too far? She hoped not, but the evidence was pointing to that big fat yes. And her heart ached because of it. She was confident that she hadn't made a mistake leaving Chicago because she was never happy; despite the lies she told herself. She hated the two jobs she'd subjected herself to. She'd never felt comfortable in the city. She never felt right with Patrick; she thought she had, but her heart wasn't in it like he deserved. He was a good guy and she really could have loved him with more time, or with different circumstances; but that wasn't fair on him. He deserved to be somebody's everything, not her second best.

She glanced toward Danny through her tears as he handed her the flowers and walked towards her bag. After walking the short distance, he picked the bag up with ease and placed it on his shoulder. She could see him taking deep breaths as he made his way back towards her.

"Why did you leave?" he questioned as he approached her again, taking her hand and leading her to a quieter section of the Arrivals lounge. "Why did you leave Chicago?"

She licked her lips as she let him lead her away from masses of people surrounding them. She couldn't help but notice the warmth of his hand and how it filled the emptiness within her that she'd been feeling while she was in Chicago. She'd missed the way that their hands joined and how his hand encased her smaller one perfectly.

"Huh?" he prompted when he hadn't received an answer. "Why did you leave?"

"He was sensible, reliable, committed, incredible, he was wonderful to me and on the surface, I thought I loved him. I could have loved him. He was everything that you never were. He was caring and sensitive and there for me when you made me walk away from everything that we were. He was there when you'd broken my heart. He made me feel special and loved and I knew from the very beginning that I could have spent the rest of my life with him-"

"You're doin' a fine job of makin' me question my sanity in comin', Linds. I know I asked you why you left and everythin' but I didn't exactly need my nose rubbin' in what you guys had, okay? I know he was good to you, I know that."

"I'm not finished," she reminded him, curling her fingers tightly around his. "In him Danny, I couldn't have asked for anything better and I would have spent the rest of my life with him." She paused. "I just would have spent every second wishing I was somewhere else, and that wasn't fair on him. I could never love someone else in the way that I loved you. I didn't realise it then, but I miss everything about you. I miss screaming at you, yelling at you, I miss that feeling I get when I look at you. I miss the way that you used to make me feel. I miss making love to you. I miss the little things," she said, gesturing down to their hands. "Like I miss the way you used to hold my hand and how they fit together perfectly."

"They do fit pretty perfectly together." He said, smiling down to their joined hands.

"At the time I didn't realise what we had and I was hurt Danny. You have to understand that what you did - what happened – it hurt me, more than you'll ever know." She paused for a moment, and took a series of deep breaths, giving Danny a chance to voice some of his thoughts.

"I had things to deal with Lindsay, I never meant to hurt you, surely you know that somewhere deep down?"

"Deep down I probably did," she agreed. "But when it got to a stage that all you were doing was hurting me, I had to really question whether or not it was a relationship I wanted to be in. We weren't going anywhere and we both needed space. It wasn't healthy for me Danny; you surely see that in retrospect now. I was a shell of the person I used to be and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it to myself."

"I would have gotten my act together though, Linds. You just moved on without a second thought. You never me a chance to get my shi-"

"I knew, Danny." Lindsay said softly, "I knew exactly what you'd done. I understood. I didn't blame you for what had happened, and I don't blame you now for what you did. You were hurting, she was hurting... But it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. And it didn't make it any easier on me that you never told me."

"You knew?" Danny asked.

"I knew," she nodded.

"Fuck," Danny sighed, rubbing his tired eyes with his hand that wasn't joined with Lindsay's. He pinched the bridge of his nose before turning his eyes back to Lindsay. "I wanted to tell you Linds, I wanted to so bad. I thought about telling you every day, but I just couldn't hurt you like that." He said, "I knew what I'd done and I was ashamed. I had no excuse for what I'd done and even though we'd cooled off, I still cared about you and you deserved to be treated better than what I was treatin' you. I always hoped that you wouldn't know, so that what you didn't know couldn't hurt you. But when it all boils down to it, I was just a friggin' coward and hell, I couldn't even tell you now. It took you sayin' it to me to get me to admit to it. I'm sorry Linds, I'm so sorry I did that to you."

"I know you are," she said gently.

"Why didn't you ever say anything? In an argument or somethin'? We had enough of them, you had plenty of opportunities to call me on it. Why didn't you?"

"I only had my gut telling me that something wasn't right. I didn't want to say anything just on that off chance that you hadn't. I knew you would have been hurt and it probably would have made things worse between us. Not to mention that I never really wanted to hear it out loud, or hear you admit to it. I wasn't strong enough for hearing it. It would have crushed me hearing you say you'd slept with someone else, even though I knew it. I had so many scenarios of how it happened in my mind that it was driving me crazy. I couldn't get my head around the fact that you'd done things that had been so intimate and special between you and I with someone else. And you'd done it so easily too. The thought of your hands on her made my stomach churn. I couldn't deal with the idea of you loving her like you had loved me. And because of that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't let you back in. I just couldn't do it."

"I never loved her Lindsay, what happened was a huge, huge mistake. It happened once and never again. And I never ever had what I had with you with her, you've gotta know that."

"I know," she nodded slowly. "I'm in a different place now, and I've accepted it."

He shook his head slowly. "How the hell do I deserve you? Like, how? What the hell did I do to get someone like you?"

Cupping his face with her free hand, Lindsay affectionately ran her thumb over his cheek. "It must have been something really bad."

"Wiseass," he teased, despite the heaviness of their conversation. Danny swallowed as he composed himself. "Are you going back? Or are you staying?"

"I don't know." She whispered, accompanied with a shrug. "I didn't think this far ahead. I wasn't even sure that you'd come."

"That's not true," he smirked at her. "You knew I'd come."

"Well, I hoped you would," she smiled shyly. "I thought everything would fall into place when I stepped off the plane."

"No you didn't," he told her. "You know exactly what it is you want. You know you're staying here. You wouldn't have come back if you didn't have every intention of staying."

"I know," she admitted. "I just, I don't know how to tell you what I want to tell you. I feel like there are loads of things I need to say, I just don't know what those things are. I'm feeling overly conscious of the fact that I just cut you from my life over something that now seems so insignificant and silly, you know? I'm scared." She admitted quietly. "I'm scared that you don't love me in the way that I still love you. I'm scared that you're mad with me for, well, everything."

"Lindsay, how could I be mad with you, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I left. I moved on." She said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"So?" he implored, tucking a finger under her chin, making her meet his gaze. "You deserved to be happy, and he made you happy, didn't he?"

She nodded slowly.

"That's all I wanted, was for you to be happy. It sucked. You have no idea how much it killed me to watch you slip through my fingertips, but what can I say, it's not as if that torture wasn't well deserved."

Danny sighed as he watched Lindsay's disheartened features. How on earth could she think he was mad with her? What the hell would give him the right to be mad with her? He had nothing to stand on even if he had been mad.

"I – I just-" She sighed, clearly frustrated with herself. "I thought I'd be a little more verbally literate when I got here."

Lindsay while usually talented at expressing herself in a sophisticated and rational manner, and had done just moments previous, he'd come to realise that at times she faltered significantly when it came to him and their relationship. When things got emotionally tough, she sometimes lost her train of thought. He knew and was so confident because he was the same. They often had so much that they wanted to say to one another, but couldn't organise their thoughts well enough to do so.

Although he'd not been particularly vocal about it, another thing that Danny realised was that he'd been waiting for this moment with Lindsay for nearly two years and he, quite embarrassingly wanted to soak it up and savour it; just in case he woke up from his latest dream. He'd missed the way she fit perfectly in his arms. He'd missed the way that she was the perfect height to lean his chin on the top of her head when he was holding her from behind. He missed her kisses and the way that she made him feel. They'd always been passionate; their feelings, emotions, arguments, lovemaking... everything about them had always been passionate. Sometimes it had its downsides, arguments between them were always emotional - and more often than not – tearful and angry. But he'd take any form of passion if it meant that she was back in his life.

His eyes soaked her in, and watched as she tried to find the words she wanted to say to him. He was convinced that the only way, right now at least, to tell her how much he'd missed her and how he didn't care about her cutting him out of her life for as long as she did was to show her. He knew that words – his words at least- carried very little meaning to her after all that he'd done even despite her coming back to him. Sorry was just a word that he'd abused. His promises that he wouldn't do it again had turned into empty promises – which left him with actions spoke louder than words. The silence between them allowed him to conjure a plan; he wanted to make sure that she knew exactly how he felt. He wanted her to know that he wasn't going to mess her around anymore. He wanted to show her how hard the past eighteen months had been on him and how they had in result, matured him. He had a different outlook on them. On her. He wanted to show her how much he'd missed her. And he wanted to show her that he wasn't going to do anything to jeopardise their relationship; he had no intentions of ever letting her go again. Ever again.

And secretly, he wanted to reassure himself that she still felt the same about him. Even though it was obvious for all to see. For some ungodly reason, Lindsay Monroe was still very much in love with Danny Messer. And for that, he couldn't be more thankful.

Taking her hand, Danny stepped towards her and gently kissed her. He wanted to test the waters with her first and was glad he'd done so when he felt her freeze against him. He broke their one-sided kiss almost instantly and settled his lips so that they were hovering over her's. "Let me show you how sorry I am." He whispered.

Despite her initial stubbornness he fortunately didn't need to ask her twice. She shoved her bag he held on his shoulder to the floor, near the long forgotten bunch of flowers. This time, she wasted no time in deepening the kiss, like it was their first kiss all over again. Almost in sync to her desperation to kiss him, Danny effortlessly wrapped his arms around Lindsay, lifting her so that she was safely snuggled into his body, and in response to his affections, she wrapped her legs around his waist; neither of them faulting in their kiss as they did so. After many years of practice they'd mastered the art of this, he'd inwardly mused to himself.

He'd been right. Their passion was undeniably still evident and ignited the second Lindsay's tongue swiped Danny's bottom lip, begging for further access to which he granted with pleasure. Although it'd been nearly two years since he last kissed Lindsay this way; if not longer, he thought, he still felt the same way about her. He still felt like he could spend hours exploring her body; finding new things to adore about her every time. Her lips were soft and the way that her fingers made a path through his hair as she wrapped her fingers through the styled mess sent shivers down his spine. Nothing about Lindsay was different, except the obvious evidence that she had her confidence back that he'd taken from her. She was stronger. Happier. Ready to let him back in again. And she was positive that this was where she wanted to be.

And to his relief, he could readily admit that nothing was the same about himself. Yes, he still loved her just as much as he had on the day she'd walked out of his life. Yes, he still kissed her in the same way he did when they were dating, and yes he still very much wanted to make love to her through the night, ignoring the world outside... but other than that; very little was the same. He was different. He felt different. He was happier, healthier and majority guilt-free. It had taken a lot to achieve it, but with a lot of time to himself, he'd been able to work through his issues, leaving him open and ready to let Lindsay in.

He just hoped that a simple kiss would suffice for now at least in conveying that to her. At least until he found the words to voice his thoughts.

When they eventually broke away several long minutes later, he carefully set her back down on the ground and Lindsay snuggled into his embrace; giving him the chance to press a kiss to her forehead.

"It's not gonna be easy." He said; his voice and words muffled by her hair. "It's going to be really hard, and we can't just pick up from where we left off because it doesn't work like that. It can't work like that because that's where we went wrong last time." he told her. "But, as hard as it's gonna be, I know that I'm a wreck without you. I've got a void just about here," he slid his arm between them and held his hand over his chest, "and I know you feel the same."

She nodded against him. "I do," she whispered against his chest.

"So if you wanna commit to this as much as I do, then I think we might just have a chance. No more screwin' you around as far as I'm concerned. I've learnt from my mistakes and I'm gonna try real hard to let you into those places that I never let you into before. I know how much that means to you, and I think that if I stop holdin' back then we're goin' to really get somewhere you and me. We can do this, I know we can. You mean too much to me for us not to work. You've made your sacrifices, you've made tough decisions and you've cried more tears than I'm sure you wanna admit... You've come all this way to put your faith in me, in us, and I'm not gonna let you down. Not again, not ever."

She curled her fingers around the material of his shirt and let out a weepy sigh. "Please don't go back on this promise," she whispered. "Because all of this is exactly what I need to hear. It's what I've needed to hear since... all of this happened. I really needed that reassurance. Please don't break your promise to me." She meekly pleaded with him.

"I promise," he pressed another kiss to her forehead. "And I know I haven't said it when I should have and I never said it enough, but I love you, Montana."

She swiped angrily at her tears that insisted on spilling down her cheeks; frustrated with herself from being unable to stop her crying. "Why didn't you say any of this before? Why did you make it so hard? Why didn't you stop me from leaving in the first place?"

"Because I didn't realise what I had until you were gone. I lost you once, I'm not gonna do that again, Lindsay."

"Good because I don't know whether I could go through the last year and a half again. I don't want to mess this up again. This is where I want to be."

"Good, 'cause you're not going anywhere without me again." His fingers curled around hers and squeezed them tight. "Now, how about you and I stop making a scene in the airport? Let's get out of here and go get some dinner. I bet you're starvin'!"

"You asking me on a date, Danny Messer?" She asked, wiping the last and remaining tears from her cheeks.

"Maybe," he smirked. "If I was, would you say yes?"

She squeezed his hand tightly and tugged him towards her. She stood on her tiptoes and settled just next to his ear and whispered. "Ask me and you might just find out."

* * *

><p><strong>I really, really sincerely hope you guys enjoyed that as much as I did writing it. To see it finally getting posted for you guys to read is so exciting for me as it's been something that has constantly been niggling at me for the past year! And anyone that knows me, knows how... fond I am of airport scenes. So this was just a 'had-to'. I'd absolutely love to know what you thought. I hope as well it was a satisfying enough reunion and I did it justice. There's one more chapter after this one, so not much left of the story to go *sniffles* Anyway, enough of my rambling. Thanks for reading, and if you have a few spare minutes, I'd really appreciate some feedback - let me know what you thought! :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi folks. I know I promised you all some updates for my other stories, but Fred is wanting to get this one posted and completed before I get wrapped up in my other stories. I do have chapters in the works for them though - honest! This one just has two more chapters (after this one at least!) So we're nearly at the finished point. Just tying up loose ends, if you will. **

**I'm really enjoying those comments you guys have left. I really appreciate the thoughts. I hope you're all still enjoying this one... In the meantime, a quick thank you to:** Alice Quarantine, 18lzytwner, brendanakai, rhymenocerous, cklovesm-m** and afrozenheart412. You guys are great!**

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><p><strong>Let Me Fall – Josh Gracin<strong>

_I watched you wave goodbye as you rode down our drive, without one single tear in your eyes. I tried to be strong, forced a smile, said: 'Girl, go on I'll be fine; don't you worry 'bout me.' But inside I was holdin' on and prayin' that you might see I'm all you'll ever need._

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"<p>

"For you to do what? Sit in a hotel room?"

"Well, I..." Danny's gaze fell to the tiled floor. "I dunno, I just figure you might need someone there with you."

The hustle and bustle of the busy departures terminal wasn't about to faze Danny, or at least so he told himself. While he didn't doubt Lindsay for a second; he couldn't help but worry about the sinking feeling in his gut as he realised just what was going on. He was fully aware of what he had to lose and refused to make the same mistake twice.

"I'm a big girl Danny, I can do it myself."

"I know you are," he offered her a smile. "But I just-"

"What?" she looked up at him through her eyelashes.

Danny sighed heavily, steeling himself as he prepared to reveal all of his reserves to her. "I'm just a little nervous."

"Nervous? Why are you nervous? You're not the one that's going." Lindsay reminded him, a hint of teasing filtering through her tone.

"So?" He implored. "He was a big part of your life for a while there."

"And?" A ghost of a smile tugged at Lindsay's lips, showing the evidence that she kind of knew where his concerns were heading but had decided against helping him out.

"And I'm scared that you're gonna go back and he's gonna tell you all these great things and be really sweet to you and sweep you off your feet like he did the first time, which will mean I'm gonna lose you again."

"Danny," she shook her head as she raised a hand to cup his cheek. "You're cute sometimes, you know that?"

He visibly blushed, much to his dismay. "I wasn't going for cute, Linds."

"I know," she nodded. "But Danny, I'm going to be gone for two days and I'll be back. I'm only going to get my stuff; nothing he can say or do will make me change my mind, okay? I love you and I've already told you I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, but it never hurts to hear it," he admittedly shyly. "Just, make sure you call me okay? And if he gives you a hard time-"

"What are you gonna do?" She teased, "Hop on the next plane out to Chicago? Teach him a lesson?"

"If that's what it takes." He shrugged. "You're _my_ girl, Montana. I don't wanna lose you, not when I've only just got you back."

"You're not going to lose me, silly." Lindsay cupped his face. "Stop worrying, okay?"

"Okay." He sighed, "But remember Linds, I'll fly out if you need me. I didn't do it the first time, so I'm sure a chivalrous plane ride following you out is in order, I'm sure I'm due one now aren't I?"

"I think the Montana red-eye bought you a little time," she tapped his cheek affectionately before standing on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips. "I'll be back before you know it." She promised.

"Well, I'll be here waiting I guess."

She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I'll see you in two days, Danny."

"See you in two days, Montana."

* * *

><p>Driving through the same streets in her rental car was surreal. She'd driven the same roads for almost a year of her life, and they'd begun to feel like home. That was until she uprooted her life and headed back to New York.<p>

When she'd left, she hadn't really thought about what it would mean for the rest of her belongings. When she'd stepped off the plane in New York, she had one carry-on bag. One. It wasn't much to sustain her for the month she'd been home. She'd cleverly packed some work attire, but she was beginning to get sick of the glancing looks as she turned up in the same outfit, yet again. It was surprising what people noticed; especially considering she was only working at the lab part time.

The pair of jeans she'd brought with her was beginning to fade from the amount of times she'd had to wash them and Danny's sweatpants were doing nothing for her. Not to mention she'd had enough of the awkward moments when she opened the door to the pizza delivery boy and she had to fight with the waistband, stopping the oversized sweats from falling down her slender hips. When she'd opened the door to Flack and his eyes had widened in shock at the low riding garment, she'd known it was time to bite the bullet and go and collect the rest of her belongings from their apartment.

It had taken her a while, but she'd gathered the courage and called him to ask if she could collect her things; which was admittedly an awkward conversation. Patrick had initially been excited to hear from her, but when the true intention for the phone call became apparent, his demeanour changed significantly, thus breaking Lindsay's heart a little. Even though he'd told her to go and follow her heart, the impact it'd had on him still filled her with guilt. He'd been nothing but wonderful to her and she'd left with the first chance she got.

Physically shaking the thoughts from her mind, she pulled into the building's underground parking and scanned her key-fob, allowing her to gain access. She wasn't entirely sure whether to expect Patrick or not. He'd told her to let herself in, considering it was just as much her place as it was his, but she still felt rude; like she was breaking an unwritten boundary that came with breaking up. As much as it was her place, she'd almost forfeited her right there when she left. As she pulled into what was technically still her parking spot she felt dread in her gut. He was home from work; his car was parked in his own parking space.

What had been collecting her belongings had now changed into a goodbye. A proper goodbye.

It was now or never.

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><p>Slipping her key into the lock, she took a deep breath as she turned the key and listened for the click that told her she'd successfully unlocked the door. She cleared her throat as she balanced the many boxes she'd somehow managed to haul into the elevator with her. She could hear movement from somewhere in the apartment and she felt nervous butterflies flutter in her stomach. She'd barely spoken to him, and hadn't seen him since they broke up. She'd moved on... and she really hoped that Patrick hadn't taken it too hard. Maybe even moved on himself?<p>

She'd sent a quick message to Danny on her way up in the elevator, letting him know that she'd arrived at the apartment and for him to hold off on calling or texting while she was there because she wanted to get it over and done with as soon as she possibly could, to which he'd replied with an okay, good luck and that he loved her. She'd sensed he'd wanted to say more but had obviously decided against it. Of which she was thankful for.

"Patrick?" she called out softly, making him aware of her presence.

"I'm in the bedroom, Linds." He replied with a nonchalance that gave Lindsay a sense of Déjà vu. They'd said the same words to one another numerous times throughout their eighteen months together. She shut the door softly and made her way through the apartment. While she'd been rebuilding her life in New York, Patrick had kept their apartment surprisingly clean with nothing out of place and very little mess. Although really, she should have expected as such; he'd always been meticulous with the way that he presented their living space.

She ended up leaning against the doorjamb of the bedroom and offered him a soft smile as her eyes fell on him gazing down at a picture. "Hey." She said as a way of making him aware of her presence.

He looked up and she could see him physically exhale. He placed the picture on the bed next to him and stood. He crossed the bedroom floor with ease and let out a sigh as he stood mere inches from her. "Would it be too weird to ask for a hug?"

She offered him a soft smile and shook her head. "No," she said, opening up her arms and closing the distance between them. "Hey," she said once again.

"Linds," he sighed as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "It's good to see you."

"You too," she said sadly, noting that he felt thinner in her arms. "How have you been?"

"Okay," he said against her skin. She could feel his lips lingering on the crook of her neck; an area he'd kissed countless times before. She held her breath and could only hope he didn't; not because she'd be tempted or would feel like she couldn't trust herself, but because she had subconsciously hoped on some level that Patrick had been able to move on. Even just a little. Kissing her in an intimate area screamed loud and clear that he was far from moving on.

As the seconds passed, she realised their embrace was bordering on longer than just a hello greeting and she began to move away subtly. He released her with little resistance and Lindsay spied a few unshed tears in his glistening eyes. "Sorry," he instantly apologised when he saw the look of concern and discomfort splashed across her face. "I didn't realise how hard this was going to be."

She nodded slowly, and reached out to stroke his arm affectionately. "I know, and I'm sorry." She apologised not just verbally, but with her eyes too.

"I know you are," he whispered with a shrug before clearing his throat. "So listen, I started packing some stuff up. I got your email about the shipment of your stuff. I called the movers to confirm for you, I knew you probably had anyway but thought I'd double check."

"Thanks," she smiled and squeezed his arm. "You didn't have to start packing things though Patrick."

"I know," he shrugged. "I just wanted to help you."

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as her words hit her hard in her chest. He really was just a good guy; a good guy who'd had his heart broken.

"You look happy," he said, breaking her silence. "I'm guessing you made the right decision going back."

"We don't have to talk about that." She shook her head, instantly feeling uncomfortable. "The last thing you want to listen to is me talking about Danny."

"You said that on the night I met you." He smiled sadly. "I might surprise you."

"I really don't want to go into it, Patrick." She reiterated. "It's not fair on you; I feel guilty enough as it is and I'm not about to subject you to that."

"Just let me know two things." He said.

She sighed and crossed her arms as she leaned against the frame, letting it take her weight. "Alright fine," she sighed. "Two things."

"Has he changed?"

Lindsay exhaled and fought the smile that crept to her lips. "So much, he's a different person now."

"How so?" Patrick pressed.

"Well, he's attentive and he cares and he realises exactly where he went wrong." Lindsay offered as an explanation. "And he's a lot more open about things too. He's everything I wanted him to be and more."

Patrick smiled sadly and nodded. "Does he love you?"

Lindsay licked her lips and took a deep breath. "With all of his heart."

"That's all I wanted to hear." Patrick rubbed her arm affectionately. "I'll get out of your way so you can get your stuff packed up. Everything's where you left it, and don't even worry about going through my stuff to check; go ahead. I'm gonna run to the store for a bit. Do you need anything?"

"No thanks," she smiled as he moved past her to leave the room. She turned as he walked past her and watched him make his way to the door. "Patrick?" she called out to him, making him stop in his tracks instantly.

"Yeah?"

She felt it bubbling through her and she couldn't stop it. She knew she shouldn't say it. But she did. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Linds."

* * *

><p>She was regretting it, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted to be gone. She'd deal with creased shirts and slacks later. She just needed to make it as painless as possible. She needed to make it as quick as possible.<p>

She'd managed to clear out the majority of the closet before she heard the key twist in the lock, indicating Patrick's return from the store. She offered him a hello as he made his way to the kitchen with his two bags of groceries, but when she didn't receive a greeting in return, she couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. So, she grabbed the remaining articles of clothing and pulled them all off their hangers abruptly and shoved them into her bag, zipping it up. She stood and heaved the heavy bag onto her suitcase, enabling her to transport the bags easily down to her car in the parking garage.

She wheeled the two bags through the apartment silently and let herself out; letting her deal with her thoughts in the time it took her to ride the elevator down and pack her bags into the trunk of her car. She had been under no false pretence that everything today would be easy. She'd anticipated some resurfacing feelings that unnerved her; after all, she still cared for Patrick. She'd spent a lot of time with him; most of it being simple one on one time after they'd moved to Chicago. She had no one else really, and he only had the people he worked with; who had already formed in a tight knit group, which effectively made him an outcast.

They'd gotten on spectacularly from the first night they'd met and they'd quickly become the other's best friend. So for her to go from him being her everything to not seeing him, not talking to him at all had hurt her heart, even if she dared not to admit it out loud. Those kind of feelings had landed her in this situation in the first place. She was making a habit of playing with people's feelings and she refused to carry on going down that path. She loved Danny and she always had. She belonged with Danny. With Danny, she was at home. But she couldn't deny the way she still cared for Patrick.

It was the feelings that were frustrating her. They had been non-existent until she'd seen him again. She hadn't even paid him a second thought really. She'd thought about him now and then, wondering how he was; she'd debate picking up the phone to call him and check in. But then she'd be wrapped up with something else and she wouldn't. Or her thoughts would then drift to Danny.

Danny. She couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. _God, she missed him._ Since she'd returned to New York, she'd barely spent a second away from him. Making up for lost time, was what they'd affectionately labelled their obsession to be with the other. And it was a nice feeling. And what astounded her the most about the way things had gone was that they hadn't even really been that intimate with one another. They'd fooled around countless times, but both of them had abruptly stopped it before it could get any further. While it would do no harm to them, and they could both benefit from the connection, they both realised that last time they'd slept together, it hadn't been on the best grounds. This time, they wanted to do it properly. They wanted to make sure they were both in the right place before fully committing themselves with everything they had to one another.

The only thing protesting her constantly being with Danny was her bank account. When she'd arrived back in New York, she'd decided on renting a fully-furnished apartment on a month to month lease just to have somewhere to call home while she re-settled herself and gathered back her furniture and personal items.

The further she got lost in her thoughts about Danny, the less angst and upset she felt. She felt her longing and heartbreak seemingly evaporate from her person; which left her with only one option. She pulled out her cell phone and began typing Danny's name, bringing up his number on her screen. She pressed the green call button, and held the phone to her ear as she waited for him to answer.

"Messer."

"Hey Danny," She sighed as she leant against the wall, deciding against ascending up the stairs for now. "It's me."

"Hey baby, how's it goin'? You done already?"

"No, not exactly, I just got the last of my clothes in the car. I've got little bits around the apartment that I need to box up."

"Ah got'cha, well, is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she said, splitting the syllables of the word. "Yeah, things are okay I guess."

"You guess? Tell me the truth, Montana."

"It sucks." She admitted. "I wasn't under the impression we'd get on like a house on fire or anything, but I just... I feel really guilty."

"I know baby," he sighed. "And I'm sorry that you've gotta go through this; that I put you through this. Is he being okay with you though?"

"Yeah, yeah." She assured him adamantly. "He's being really nice all things considering. He's even packed a few boxes up for me. He called the shipping company to confirm and stuff. He's trying even though I know it's hard for him."

"Classy guy." Danny commented.

"Danny!" she chastised him. "Come on, I need your support, not you mouthing off. Don't be a jerk about him. He works differently than you do."

"Babe, I'm not mouthin' off!" he protested her claims. "I'm being serious. He seems like he's bein' classy about it. Not givin' you a hard time, tryin' to help, you've gotta give it to the guy. I think I'd have taken more of a childish route. I can just see me unpackin' your stuff as you pack it."

"Well that's you, and we both know what you're like." She giggled. "I guess I just needed to hear your voice, that's all. There's a lot of emotions I didn't realise I had and they're scaring me a little bit."

"Well, I'm right here," his accent filled her with butterflies. "I'm here and I ain't goin' anywhere, k? And it's okay to be sad and upset and all that, you were with him for a long time, and you probably'd still be with him if it wasn't for my stupid ass messin' with your head."

"Probably." She smirked when she heard him huff down the line. "I'm kidding." She sing-songed, lightening the mood. "You know I love you, Danny."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Keep your chin up and it'll be okay."

"Okay." She smiled. "I'll speak to you later; I better go because the quicker I get this done-"

"-The quicker you can get out of there, I know." He chuckled. "Give me a call later on, k? I got outta work, so I'm free whatever time you call."

"You're out of work already?" she gasped. "What?"

"Yeah, there was jack all to do other than paperwork so I grabbed a whole bunch of files and asked Mac if I could head out and he was fine with it."

"Lucky for some!" she growled. "You always get the easy end of the stick. What about the rest of the team? Did Abby escape?"

"You're stalling." Danny's tone dropped slightly, "are you sure you don't need me there, Linds?"

"It'd be nice, don't get me wrong," she began. "But there's no need for you to waste your time, not to mention money! I'm only here for today and tomorrow. It's no big deal."

"A simple yes or no would have sufficed." He teased her lightly. "If you need me, just text me okay? I'll be on the next plane out."

"I know." She smiled. "Thanks Danny."

"Anytime baby," he said. "I love you, a lot, you know that right?"

"I do, and I love you too."

* * *

><p>Lindsay made her way back to the apartment with a small smile on her face. She didn't have to do much more before she could leave. The shipment company would be picking her stuff up tomorrow afternoon and she'd receiving everything in New York by Friday; giving her a lovely task on her next day off of unpacking and arranging everything in her apartment.<p>

She went for the handle of the front door and sighed as she realised she'd left her keys inside. She knocked her knuckles against the wood, listening for Patrick's footsteps. Within a few seconds he'd unlocked the door and was opening it wide enough for her to be able to make her way inside. She cast her eyes to his hands as he was carrying something worn and tattered; something she hadn't seen in a few months.

"Can I keep this?" Patrick asked, holding up the battered baseball mitt that he'd once inquired about when they were packing up Lindsay's apartment back in New York.

"That?" she blinked her heart racing in her chest as he closed the door behind her."Why?"

"Because..." he trailed off.

"Why though?" she implored as she picked up a box and moved into the living room, picking up ornaments and wrapping them in newspaper. She cast her eyes up to Patrick and watched as he ran his fingers over the material thoughtfully, trying to come up with an answer that would satisfy her. As he did so, she continued to wrap up her belongings in last week's newspaper and arranged the assorted items in the huge shipping box she'd picked up on her way over to his apartment. Although she wanted an answer, she gave him the space she needed. The silence also gave her the chance to come up with a reason as to why he couldn't keep the one thing he was asking for.

Finally, he broke the silence. "I... I know this means a lot to you, and I figured you would want to take it back with you, but I saw how your eyes lit up when I asked you about it in your apartment and I knew that it was special to you. That's why I insisted we put it on display out here in the living room. I know it's stupid, but I just... I know you've moved on, but it's proving to be a little harder for me."

"Patrick," Lindsay sighed, realising what her answer had been the entire time. "I have to be honest with you, I really don't think you want that."

"Why wouldn't I want it?"

"When I told you that was my brother's... I might not have exactly told you the truth."

Patrick grimaced as he glanced down to the tattered mitt. "This isn't your brother's, is it?"

"No," she shook her head.

"Wasn't there someone you mentioned about baseball and the minor leagues?" Patrick closed his eyes as he tried to recall the conversation they'd once shared. By the time a few seconds had elasped he'd opened his eyes and she could see the realisation in his eyes. "Danny was a minor league baseball player wasn't he?"

She nodded.

"It's Danny's, isn't it?"

She nodded again.

He threw the mitt into the box she'd been placing her belongings in with a growl. "I can't believe you lied to me." he said with a low voice, clearly full of betrayal, with what she could only assume was hurt too.

"I know," she ran her fingers through her hair, "And I'm sorry but I couldn't part with it, I wasn't ready to let it go."

"Wasn't ready to let go of the memories, or wasn't ready to let go of him?"

"Does it matter anymore?" she asked him, her tone soft.

"It matters." He said quietly. "It matters to me."

"Honestly?" She paused. "I don't think I was ready to let go of him."

Patrick sighed, his chest heaving as he inhaled and exhaled heavily. Clearly that hadn't been the answer he wanted. "So what stopped you from telling me the truth?" he implored.

"Nothing, I had no reason to tell you that it was my brother's. That wasn't fair of me. I trusted you enough with the truth about everything else and you were fine about everything so I should have just told you. I know you would have been fine about it now; I just didn't want to push my luck. There are only so many things you can say before you start getting on your own nerves, and I'd gotten to that point, you know?"

"I _don't_ know, actually." Patrick shook his head. "I think I've been pretty understanding about all of this Linds, but this draws the line. There was no reason to lie to me. I never gave you any reason to feel like you had to lie to me, did I?"

"No, and it was a bad call on my part," she admitted. "You've been amazing, and we both know that and I shouldn't have done that to you. You didn't deserve that. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You caught me off guard and I didn't want you thinking I was still hung up on Danny when I was about to move in with you in a completely different state."

"But you _were_ still hung up on Danny," He pointed out. "So maybe we would have dodged a load of problems had we realised then."

"Maybe," she admitted. "But we wouldn't have had those months together that we did."

"It just hurts," he said quietly. "It hurts to know that you lied to me. I thought we were better than that. We were always honest with one another, or at least I thought we were. What else did you lie to me about?"

"Nothing," she said. "And you know that."

"Do I?" He implored.

"Yeah," she nodded, staying calm. "You know that."

"I like to think so, but now I'm not too sure."

Lindsay sighed as she turned back to the ornaments on the shelf.

"Don't you have anything to say?" he inquired to her back.

"What do you want me to say?" she returned, continuing on with her mammoth task of collecting together picture frames, statues and other little miscellaneous items that she'd collected over the years.

"I don't know, that you're sorry? You wish that you hadn't made the mistake of moving out here? You haven't said anything other than you miss me. Not really. I mean talk about mixed messages, Lindsay."

At that point, she turned and dropped the few sheets of newspaper she had left to the top of the slowly filling box. "Well, I even now don't think I made a mistake in moving out here. I think I made a mistake in how I went about leaving. I was very irresponsible and I'll admit that. I dropped everything and didn't even think about the bigger picture; but I'm not sorry I left. I wasn't happy here and I was lying to myself, and to you. Danny was the one I wanted to be with and that wasn't fair on you. You deserve to be someone's everything, not my second best. So yes, I'm sorry for what I did to you, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this now, but I don't regret anything. I don't regret our relationship and the time we spent together."

"You're not mad about wasting the time with me that you could have spent with Danny?"

"I didn't waste my time with you."

"You would have preferred to be with Danny." Patrick snapped. "And don't tell me otherwise, Linds. We both know it."

"Maybe in my heart I did, but we both know that staying with Danny would have been the worst decision I could have made. Maybe I shouldn't have jumped in a relationship with someone else, but I'm glad that I did because the time I spent with you was special."

"But I wasn't ever the one you pictured yourself with."

"Actually, right up until the very end you were always the one I pictured. I loved you Patrick, I did. I just loved Danny more."

"Have you slept with him yet?"

"What?" Lindsay cried. "Patrick, that's way personal and absolutely unnecessary."

"Have you?"

"_Patrick_!"

"Linds, just answer the question."

Sighing, Lindsay shook her head. "No Patrick, it's got nothing to do with you."

"Yes it does," he said. "Just tell me, I want to know."

"Why? To torture yourself a little more?"

"I just need to know." He shrugged. "I need to know whether, whether... I don't know what I need. I just need some type of closure, Linds. Can't you give me that?"

"And you'd get that by finding out I'd slept with Danny again?"

"I won't know until I find out."

"Alright then," she shrugged, her initial resistance in sharing intimate details slipping away at as she absorbed his pleading eyes. "Honestly, no we haven't. And not that it's any of your business but we wanted to wait to make sure that we were both in the right place before we start sleeping together again. I don't know what kind of closure you need Patrick, but I hardly think that's it."

"You're right." He said in a tone she'd not heard from him before. "I don't wanna hear it; I'm just torturing myself here."

"Patrick, you asked me to tell you, so I did and I'm sorry that wasn-"

"That's enough Lindsay, just leave it."

"Patrick!" She cried. "You said th-"

"No, not that; just leave it." He cut her off as he gestured to the wall unit. "Everything, just leave all of it. I'll do it, just go Lindsay."

"I can't ask you to-"

"No, but I'm telling you to." Patrick interrupted her. "I thought I could deal with this, seeing you, seeing you smile and be happy. Hearing you say that you love him; talking about sleeping with him again and seeing that excitement in your eyes... that's what I thought I wanted for you, but I can't. I can't deal with seeing you, Linds. It still hurts. I still miss you. So I'll pack this up. I promise. I'll make sure all of your stuff is there, and ready to be shipped, and if I miss anything I'll forward it on to the address you give them, okay? Just, do this for me, please?"

"But why?"

"Because," Patrick cried. "I can't do this. I can't watch you pack everything away. I can't see you moving on when I'm not ready yet! I loved you with everything I had, but it just wasn't good enough." His tone had dropped an octave, returning to his usual tone of voice as he lamely attempted to reign in his emotions. "I'm just sorry you couldn't love me the same way that I loved you."

"Patrick-"

"Don't Lindsay," he whispered. "Just let me be mad with you, okay? Let me be hurt."

"But Patrick-"

"Every time I hear your voice Lindsay, I can't get mad. I can't get myself riled up like I want to be, so just stop okay? I want to get mad and I can't do that because I can't be mad with you. When you called and said you were wanting to come back to Chicago, my heart stopped. I thought that you were up for giving us another chance, that maybe you'd made a mistake... but then when I realised it was to get the rest of your things, it was like I'd lost you all over again. I really hoped that I would be the one you wanted, but I'm not and I get it now. I really want to let you go, and the only way I can do that is to paint this image in my head of you being something that you weren't. If I convince myself you were this horrible vindictive little thing then I think I could do it. I think I could let you go again. But, I've been trying and I just – I can't. I thought I could do this, but I can't. You need to go."

She was going to protest his pleas, but when she looked him in the eyes, she sighed and realised she couldn't deny him what he so obviously wanted. She knew him being home from work was odd, and obviously he'd wanted to see her. He'd wanted some form of closure from their relationship; which made sense considering the harsh and abrupt nature to which it had ended in. But it appeared now that his form of closure was going to be packing up her things. She laid her set of keys on the coffee table and let out a sigh as she ran her eyes over the living room one last time.

She opened her mouth, but promptly closed it. Instead of offering him a verbal goodbye, she ran her hand over his face and cupped it affectionately. She rubbed her thumb over his rugged cheek and let out a sigh before turning on her heel and picking up her purse from the couch. Silently, Lindsay made her way through the apartment and shut the door behind her.

And if she trained her ears, she could hear Patrick's soft cries from behind the door.

* * *

><p>Driving back to the hotel, Lindsay felt numb. She hadn't seen Patrick cry throughout the entire time they'd been together, and he'd held his tears off until she shut the door for the final time on their relationship. Hearing his cries had really driven their breakup home, which had in turned sparked tears in herself. While she was completely happy with her decision to be with Danny and didn't question it for one second, she couldn't help but feel sad at what hadn't worked out. She'd unwittingly inflicted a lot of hurt on someone who wanted nothing but to love her. Patrick hadn't deserved the heartbreak he'd ended up with. But he had. And even though she desperately wanted to fix it for him, there was nothing she could do. He had to do this by himself.<p>

It didn't stop her from feeling like utter crap though.

She'd ignored a few calls from Danny and had decided against going back to the hotel straight away. She'd taken a detour and had driven past the various haunts that she and Patrick had frequented in their time together in the city. She'd ventured towards the Deli that they loved, their usual Chinese take-out. She drove past the coffee shop that was half way between where she worked, and where he worked so that they could share a cup of coffee together at some point in the day. She'd driven past the restaurant he'd taken her to, to celebrate her getting a job with the lab. She'd then parked up and made her way towards the Willis Tower, sitting on a nearby bench and had simply stared up at the skyscraper, as she basked in the memories that the sight held for her.

Admittedly, she shed a few tears as she remembered the memories that the building held. But then she dug a little deeper and realised that actually, those warm and fuzzy feelings that were resurfacing weren't entirely true. At the very top of the building she realised that her heart was with someone else. And in the Deli, her order had always been a Turkey club, with all the trimmings; which had always, _always_ been Danny's sandwich. When they had gotten take-out, she'd always eaten it with a fork, like Danny had; despite her ability to eat with chopsticks. In the coffee shop, she never put cinnamon on her coffee like she loved just because it reminded her of all the times that Danny had brought her some coffee as a sweet and thoughtful gesture and he'd added just a touch of cinnamon because he knew she liked it. When she looked at skyscrapers, she saw Danny. Danny was in everything that she did; she just hadn't realised it at the time. So while all the places she'd been to held special memories for her, they were always undermined by a memory connected to Danny too.

Patrick had been exactly what she needed right when she'd needed him. But it hadn't been enough. In the long run the person she'd needed was, and always had been Danny.

She quickly straightened her outfit as she stood from the bench she'd been sat on. She wasn't going to be sad anymore. She'd decided on sending a card to Patrick after she received her stuff from him on Friday, thanking him for his kindness, his love and whatever else happened to come to mind once her pen touched the paper.

And until then, she was going to focus on herself.

And Danny.

* * *

><p>"Oh, Ms Monroe, a quick word."<p>

Lindsay double-backed from where she'd been headed to the elevator that would take her up to her room, she approached the front desk and smiled politely. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh yes, everything's fine. There was a message left for you while you were out. From a Mr. Messer?"

"Oh," she smiled brightly. "What did he say?"

The girl tried to fight her huge smile, her professionalism clearly slipping. "That he has looked into red-eye flights and they're currently holding a sale, so if you need for him to fly in, he's ready to go."

Lindsay couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of her. "That won't be necessary." She answered. "Thank you, I'll be sure to call him. I hope he didn't give you a hard time."

"Oh no, not at all." The receptionist smiled. "He was quite charming actually. In fact, he's arranged a little surprise in the dining room. I can have those bags sent up to your room for you Ms Monroe."

"Are you sure?" she glanced down to the two huge and overstuffed items of luggage.

"Absolutely," she smiled, clicking her fingers above her head, indicating for a concierge to transport Lindsay's bags to her room. "You'll be directed to your surprise once you reach the dining room. Enjoy." She finished with a smile.

Lindsay, quite baffled, turned on her heel and listened to her heart race as her heels clipped over the tiles of the hotel's lobby. She had no idea what on earth Danny had planned and she dreaded to even think of possible things that he'd arranged all the way from New York.

She arrived at the Dining room and glanced into the vast room, trying to gain some indication of what this _surprise_ was.

"Ms. Monroe?" The maître-d inquired to which she nodded enthusiastically, perhaps going as far as too enthusiastically. He managed to hide a smirk well and held his arm out, directing her into the hotel's high-end restaurant. "You have quite the surprise. We've imported it from the East Coast it seems."

She had her suspicions but instantly shook them from her head. Getting her hopes banked up on Danny being there was only going to land her in a big pile of disappointment. She'd told him not to come and as much as she would have liked him here tonight to offer her hugs and kisses of comfort and support, she knew that she'd done this herself, and she couldn't expect him to be there.

"Your surprise is just around that corner. Enjoy."

She offered her thanks before she rounded the corner. A male was sat at the table she'd been told to aim towards and as her eyes soaked the image in, she couldn't help but smile. She knew that little bald patch and leather jacket from a mile away.

"Daniel Messer." She shook her head and raised her voice, making him turn so he was facing her with the biggest grin she thought she'd ever seen on him. "I could kill you! Are you genetically programmed to ignore everything I say? Do you ever listen to me?"

He stood from the table as she, without shame, jogged towards him and collided with his chest. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, squeezing him and peppering his face with kisses in her excitement to see him. He managed to pry himself out of her death grip and winked playfully at her as he settled her in the seat opposite him. "Hey baby. I missed you too." He said smoothly, dropping a kiss to her temple before taking his own seat.

She simply shook her head. "What the hell are you doing here?" she inquired, reaching across the table for his hand and linking her fingers through his. "I told you that you didn't need to come."

"I know," he sighed, "But see, like I told you, I got off work early and I was wracking my brains, tryin' to come up with somethin' for dinner but I couldn't think of anythin'. So then I started thinkin' about goin' out to eat, but there wasn't anythin' I wanted there either."

"So you came to Chicago for dinner instead?"

"Somethin' like that." He smirked. "I hear that the pizzas are impressive... wanted to see whether they beat New York's."

Running her thumb over his hand, she couldn't help the constant string of giggles that flittered out of her. "I can't believe you."

"Neither can I! Anyone would think I've got a thing for airports."

"I think you do." she quipped. "It's a borderline obsession."

"Well, I gotta keep chasin' after you, so ya win some, ya lose some." he whispered as he raised her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingers. "I missed you way too much and I figured that because I was too chicken to fly out and bring you back with me last time, I needed to make up for that this time."

"I told you before though that you didn't need to do that, Danny. It's a long way for you to come just for one night."

"What's a long way when it's you I'm doing it for? And hey, I only had to come to Chicago this time... It felt like a breeze compared to Montana." he squeezed her hand. "Just don't get any ideas, alright? Don't be flying off to Australia or anythin' like that. I draw the line at international flights."

"Noted." She smirked at him. "So, you just took off just like that? Booked a ticket and left New York?"

"Somethin' like that," he nodded. "Lucky for me I had two days booked off work. What a coincidence, huh?"

"Hmm, that _is_ lucky." She glanced at him through her lashes. "Anyone would think you'd planned it."

"I wouldn't do such a thing. Premeditated plans are far too romantic. I prefer spur of the moment romantic gestures. " He smirked at her, his features telling her something completely different to what he was verbally claiming. "So, what do you think is good here?" he questioned picking up the menu and opening it with his free hand.

Lindsay shook her head as she too opened her menu with one hand and let her eyes scan the wide array of culinary masterpieces on offer. She had to admit, as much as she had protested her requirement for him to join her in Chicago, after today she realised that she could really do with a little support. He was after all the reason why she was here. And as she soaked in his tired face, she knew that deep down, he knew that too. If she had to dig up her past and pack it up in boxes then it was only fair he was here for that too; offering her the support he hadn't the first time.

And although she'd had a tough day, she knew for a fact that her night was about to get a hell of a lot better.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, I know it's been a while since I've posted anything other than post-eps. Sorry about that guys, I've been super busy and Fred has been lazy. Not to mention I had a huge assignment due last week... however, I've been super productive today and got lots of work... AND a whole chapter written (okay, well that's a lie, I had the vast majority of it done, I just needed to add one specific scene ;)) **

**With the mentions of scenes, can I just draw your attention to the change in rating. It's gone up to an M rating. I'll leave that there and say nothing more on that subject ;) **

**This one has one chapter left now, so thank you all very much for sticking around and seeing it till the end. I hope there's still some of you out there interested! *crosses fingers* Huge thank you to every one who offered thoughts on the last chapter that I posted. You guys are so kind and there were some seriously squeeworthy reviews. So thank you. Seriously. I say it all the time, but you have no idea how much I appreciate your kind thoughts! :) So, special mentions to: **Ellie, rhymenocerous, brendanakai, Cocobean2206, Daisy1966, afrozenheart412, KTmac09, 18lzytwner, Alice Quarantine and anon.

**Without further adieu, I'll let you guys read! Hope you like it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Wanted – Hunter Hayes<strong>

_You know I'd fall apart without you, I don't know how you do what you do. 'Cause everything that don't make sense about me, makes sense when I'm with you. Like everything that's green girl, I need you; but it's more than one and one makes two. Put aside the math and logic of it, you gotta know you want it too._

* * *

><p>Wrapping his coat around him and zipping it up, Danny shivered as he fought the freezing cold winds. Winter was moving in a lot quicker than it had in recent years and he was dreading the upcoming months. Waking up at three-am and trudging through the snow to a crime scene was going to be an absolute bitch. It was one of the main reasons why he detested the winter months so much. Working outside for extended periods of time was not the best part of his career by any stretch of the imagination.<p>

He settled against the railing for a moment before jumping away and shuddering at the dirt and snow that had stained his sleeve and was slowly soaking through the material. _Damn it! _He mumbled to himself as he wiped away the slushy residue. He'd just bought himself the coat, upon Lindsay's request. She'd been on at him for weeks to think about getting himself something durable that would get him through the winter months... and not his damn leather jacket. He'd caved about a week ago, and he'd timed it well because the first batch of snow hit New York in full force the Monday following his pain-in-the-ass shopping trip with his girlfriend.

_Girlfriend_. He couldn't help the smile that took over his face when he thought about Lindsay. Things had been tough for them over the past month, but it had been worth every second. Being without Lindsay had made him grow up; he'd realised that people's feelings – Lindsay's feelings – weren't something that he could just toy around with. She mattered. What she felt was important. She was important to him. Which was why he was stood, braving the elements. He glanced at his watch, waiting.

She was going to love this.

* * *

><p>Lindsay took a deep breath as she mentally prepared herself for braving the masses. While she'd slowly become used to the busy nature of the subway, she sometimes found herself a little overwhelmed by the volume of people initiating a small stampede in one tiny, enclosed area. As she fought her way off the subway car, she grasped a nearby hand rail and tugged herself along, managing to escape the closing doors by mere inches. She breathed a sigh of relief as her feet landed on the platform and she glanced up at her stop. It was definitely safe to say that the subway was no place for a Montana girl. But, that being said, the hustle and bustle of New York was endearing to her; providing her with a buzz and warmth that she had failed to replicate anywhere else. And honestly, <em>she'd tried,<em> she'd tried her very hardest to replicate the feeling of belonging in Chicago and it had never quite felt right no matter how hard she'd tried. So, a year into living in Chicago, she'd held her hands up and called it quits; accepting that sometimes, things didn't fit no matter how hard you tried to make them work.

Not wanting to gain herself anymore scowls and demands to get the hell out of the way, she began the ascent up to the street level. As she followed the crowd, desperate to reach the sidewalk, she warranted a glance down to the small bag that sat, squirreled away inside of the huge overnight bag that she clutched in her hand and Lindsay couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips. With Danny, they'd been working damn hard on their relationship and together and they were now in a really good place. Danny had worked hard in allowing her access to places he'd forbidden her from before, and in return, she'd let him back into her heart with open arms. This was _it_ with him and she had an air of confidence within her, telling her that this time they were going to make it. No more breaking up; no more messing up. He'd already told her that he wanted her, all of her, forever. And honestly, forever had a pretty good ring to it.

As she emerged to the blistering temperatures of the New York streets, she visibly shivered and wrapped her coat around her, folding her arms over her chest as an attempt to keep some of the body temperature within her coat. There was never a happy medium with New York. It was either sweltering or below freezing. Well, she was sure that she was slightly exaggerating; but at this moment in time, she could think of nothing else.

After what seemed like forever, she managed to disperse from the crowd and breathed a sigh of relief. As much as she loved New York, she hated the feeling of being shoved along by her fellow commuters. Deciding against hanging around however, Lindsay instantly began trudging her way through the slush from last week's snowfall with a small smile tugging at her lips.

Tonight was going to be quite the night.

"Montana!"

She stopped and turned on her heel quickly, but as soon as she'd done it, she regretted it. She could feel her heel fail to catch with the pavement, and her actions when mixed with the wet sidewalk had her slipping. She closed her eyes, bracing herself for impact with the floor in the middle of a flurry of New Yorkers. She knew that her ass was going to hurt like hell and she was pretty much certain she'd walk away from the whole situation with a terribly bruised ego. The impact never came though. Instead, two strong arms caught her waist and pulled her back onto her feet. "I swear, ever the graceful one, Montana."

"Danny? What are you doing here?" she smiled as her eyes danced with glee at the sight of her boyfriend waiting for her; deciding against, of course, to acknowledge her near fall.

"Flack called and told me you got off a little early so I thought I'd surprise you."

"Well I'm glad you did," she whispered, standing on her tiptoes so that she could press a kiss to his lips. "And thanks for that, by the way." She gestured to herself and the floor.

He winked at her as his hand reached for her's. "Plus it was cold and I didn't want you braving the elements by yourself."

"That's cute," she smiled as she tangled her fingers through his, her eyes telling him that she appreciated his decision against rubbing her clumsiness in her face. "But you must be freezing," she chastised him. "I could have made it to your place just fine without you freezing your ass off too."

"Hey, it's the least I could do." He shrugged as he tugged her closer towards him, squeezing her hand affectionately. "I missed you today."

"Yeah?" she smiled. "I missed you too. It sucks when we're on opposite shifts."

"You're tellin' me." He pouted. "It sucks even more that when we _are_ on the same shift together, you're only there for like a few hours."

"Well, that's what happens when you work part time, Danny." She giggled. "It's okay though, I don't mind it."

"Well, I do."

"What shall we do then?" she smirked. "Drive Adam out of the AV lab? Send Hawkes back to the morgue?"

"Whatever it takes," he shrugged. "I'm sure I could bully Abby into transferring," he winked.

She playfully elbowed him and shook her head. "I hardly doubt she'd let that fly for very long."

"Like someone else I know." He smirked.

"Well, what can I say? Couldn't have you thinkin' you could get one over on me. And anyway, the look on your face when I bit back was hysterical. There's no way I could have not called your bluff."

Danny laughed. "I was such a dick to you, and you didn't let that shit fly for a second; I loved that about you."

"That's an absolute lie; you didn't love that about me at all!" Lindsay laughed. "You hated the fact that you'd met your match."

"Well, after I got to know you I loved it."

She scrunched her nose up in disagreement and shook her head. "Liar, you hated it. It's only now that you find it lovable."

"You got me." He smirked. "You were the bane of my existence for a good few months there, Montana."

"What?" she cried. "Danny! You're not supposed to tell me that."

"Lindsay," he sighed. "I'm kidding. I had the biggest crush on you, and I know you know that."

She blushed at her reaction and cast her gaze down. "Maybe... I just, I figured. I dunno. You were pretty mean to me for a while there."

"Yeah well, I was stupid and thought that being mean was somehow endearing."

"Well, surprisingly enough it was." She admitted. "Maybe I was just smitten with your smouldering good looks and strong accent."

"God, I've missed this, you know." Danny sighed as he let go of her hand and wrapped his shoulder around her, pulling her close into his side. "I know that we needed to talk and stuff, but I miss this side of us. I miss teasing you and hearing you laugh. I haven't heard much of that lately."

"Well, you're gonna hear a lot more of it." She looked up at him through her lashes. "I'm done being sad and upset and all of that crap. I'm sick of talking about heavy stuff. Now that I have all of my things back, there's nothing holding us back, is there?"

"Nope." Danny smiled. "Hey listen, I haven't got much in for dinner. Wanna stop and get a pizza?"

Lindsay nodded enthusiastically. "I'm starved, a pizza sounds great."

"Awesome." Danny smirked as he dropped his arm from her shoulder and took her hand, softly linking their fingers together. "Your fingers are cold." He brought their intertwined hands to his lips and blew hot air to her fingers. "You're like a little ice cube."

"It happens when the temperature is so freaking cold." She shuddered. "Don't you remember, you always used to make fun of my cold hands?"

"And your cold feet," he shuddered. "Those babies always used to get me right before I fell asleep."

"Well, you've got all that to look forward to now." She giggled, while tapping the side of his face playfully. "The perks of having a girlfriend."

"Fantastic." He groaned. "I'm gonna buy you fluffy socks or somethin'. I ain't having those ice blocks on me when I'm trying to get some sleep."

"How about you warm them up for me?" Lindsay suggested playfully in his ear.

"Behave." Danny replied in her ear as he tugged her into their regular pizza takeout, which was unsurprisingly packed at this time on a Thursday evening.

"Danny! My man, how's it going buddy?"

"Good, Joe, it's good." Danny smiled over the counter at Joe, the son of the owner of Rays' Pizza. "You remember Lindsay right?"

"I don't forget a pretty face like her's Danny." Joe smirked. "It's good to see you again Lindsay. You guys wanting your usual?"

"Nah, we're gonna get somethin' a little different today."

"We are?" Lindsay piped up with a squeak. "But I like pepperoni! We'll have the usual, Joe. Ignore Danny."

"A woman that knows what she wants." Joe winked. "Keep hold of her, Danny. She must be onto something if she's with you."

"Either that or she's crazy." Danny nudged her playfully before they turned away from Joe whom was already setting to on getting their order ready.

Lindsay's eyes scanned the seats provided in the small waiting area and sighed heavily as she realised there was only one seat left for the two of them. She then watched in horror as Danny sat down on the seat a few footsteps away from her. Her jaw slacked slightly, watching as he happily settled in the seat.

"What'cha lookin' like that for, babe?"

"Nothing." She shrugged, folding her arms over her chest in annoyance. "Are you comfy there?"

"Get over here, you goof." He said as he stood from the seat and pulled Lindsay on his lap. "You think I was sittin' down here and gonna leave you standin'?"

"Um, that's what you did." She pointed out as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"No," he whispered in her ear. "Actually, you're sittin' on my knee." He then dropped his face, moving her coat's collar with his nose so that he could gain access to her neck. He instantly began nipping and kissing the area softly; sending Lindsay into a trance briefly before she began to wiggle on his lap.

"Danny, you're tickling me." She giggled quietly, trying not to disturb the nearby patrons, also waiting for their orders.

"You love it," he whispered against her skin.

"Come on, Dan. Stop." She whined playfully. "Not here."

"Why not?" He countered with a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"Because!" Lindsay complained with a whine. "Everyone else in here doesn't want to see us messing around!"

"They don't want to see two people that care about each other, playin' and laughin'," Danny scoffed. "Especially nowadays with how serious things always are; there's always somethin' draggin' people down, so what's wrong with a bit of this?" Danny tickled her sides, making her shriek with laughter. "Huh, what's wrong with them?" Danny raised his voice slightly. "Miserable bastards! Lighten up!"

"Danny!" Lindsay cried. "Will you knock it off?"

"Why?" he smirked. "In fact, no! I know why." He said dropping his tone lightly.

She suppressed the moan as his fingers swept her skin a little lighter than they had been doing. _She was so busted. _"Go on," she smirked."Mr. Know it all, enlighten me."

"It turns you on." He whispered in her ear.

She felt her insides tighten at his words and was positive that a blush was washing over her cheeks.

"I didn't hear you deny it." Danny chuckled a few seconds later.

"My mother always told me it wasn't becoming to lie." She whispered in his ear before Danny nudged her with his nose so that he could press a string of lingering kisses to her neck. "Pizza and kissing my neck? Anyone would think you've got an ulterior motive, Mr. Messer."

"Who says that ain't exactly what's goin' on here?" he smirked as Lindsay dropped her bag to the floor. "What's in there, anyway?"

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Just clothes."

"How long you stayin' for?" he chuckled. "A week?"

"I've got jammies-"

"Jammies." Danny chuckled. "That's cute."

"-and clothes for tomorrow so I don't have to go home before work. Plus some toiletries and stuff." she smirked, ignoring his comment. "Don't worry, I'm not moving myself in slowly."

"Why'd you bring jammies?" he inquired.

"Well, I have jammies now." She pointed out to him. "... Well, a bigger selection of jammies."

"Yeah but why'd you bring them?"

"To sleep in?" she smirked.

"Who said you're sleeping?"

"Who said you're getting any?" She countered instantly.

"I won't need to with those jammies, they'll satisfy all these urges and needs I've got."

"Nobody likes a sarcastic asshole, Daniel." Lindsay informed him.

"That's funny because I'm pretty sure you do." He somehow managed to deliver the line without a smirk tugging at his lips. "And anyway, I wasn't being sarcastic."

"Bullshit." Lindsay laughed. "You so were."

"Hey!" He protested. "I'll have you know I'm a genuine fan of your jammies."

"Do you even know what jammies are, Danny? They're flannel bottoms and a tank top. In fact, you'll remember them; the bottoms are what I wore back when I was really sick and throwing up with that stomach virus like three years ago."

"This jammies talk is so sexy, Lindsay." He attempted to whisper in her ear, but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. "Tell me more."

"You're such a jerk! I knew you were messing with me." She swatted his chest playfully. "Not everyone can sleep in their underwear like _some _people."

"What can I say, I'm hot."

"You're full of it." She shook her head before laying her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"But you love me." He pointed out.

She sighed and pressed a kiss to his temple. "That'd be true, unfortunately."

"Yeah? Well that's a good job," he smiled down at her as he enclosed her in a bubble with his arms as the protective casing. "'Cause I love you too, even if loving me is such a drag."

She swatted his chest. "Hey! I never said tha-"

"I got a double pepperoni with a side of crazy sticks and marinara sauce."

"That's us," Danny smiled as he patted Lindsay's thigh so she could get up. She instantly reached for her purse and pulled out her wallet before Danny placed his hand over her's. "Hey, what you doin'? I got this."

"Danny, no come on, you-"

"My treat, Montana."

"Danny..." she whined.

"I asked you round for dinner, so that makes this my treat." He said with finality in his voice as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Next time we go to yours, you can buy."

"We never go to mine," she pointed out to him as he paid for their dinner.

"So that must mean you're gonna get spoilt." He sighed. "It must be really hard to be you."

"I'm being serious," she growled as she put her purse away and collected her bag from the floor. "You need to knock this shit off, paying for everything. It's not fair on you; I don't want to start taking advantage."

"You're my girlfriend, Lindsay." He told her as he took her hand and balanced their pizza with his other hand as they exited the pizza take-out. "Why on earth would I think you're taking advantage?"

"You're always buying dinner! Not to mention that you're paying double the utilities with us always being at your place, it's gonna get expensive for you soon Danny."

"So?" he shrugged the chill of the wind outside ripping through his coat. "It doesn't matter to me."

"Well just so you know; I'm not happy about it."

"So?"

"So?" she scoffed. "Danny, I don't want you to feel obligated to pay for things. I'm just as much in this relationship as you are. We could at the very least split bills."

Tugging Lindsay to one side, he cornered her against a dry-cleaner's window and pinned her to the glass, mindful of the pizza balanced on his other hand. "Alright, are you listening to me?"

"Danny I-"

"Are you listening to me?" he repeated, cutting off her protests.

"Yes." She sighed.

"You're my girl, Lindsay, k? So if that means I spoil you with dinner and other things, just let me. It's the least I can do. Not to mention I'd rather spend my money on you than something else."

"But, I'd just... never mind." She sighed. "How can I protest when you've got a red nose like that?" She giggled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Come on Rudolph, we can argue this out in the warmth of your apartment."

"Who said we're arguing?" Danny winked at her as he pressed a kiss to her lips before releasing her from against the dry-cleaners. "I'd say it's more of a passionate conversation."

Rolling her eyes, Lindsay retook Danny's hand and continued on towards Danny's apartment. The next few blocks passed quickly with chit-chat and playful banter, much like their conversations had consisted of thus far.

Their hands however, didn't move from their interlocked position. Each one of Lindsay's fingers was linked between one of Danny's and she couldn't help but feel safe in his hands. She often basked in the closeness that holding Danny's hand provided her with. Their mutual decision against being physically intimate over the past few weeks had allowed her time to appreciate the true beauty of the simple act of hand holding. Because ultimately, holding Danny's hand symbolised Lindsay's willingness to momentarily intertwine her life with his. Even if it was just for a few moments underneath the table they were sharing at lunch time. It was a sweet and intimate link to him that she, quite frankly, was proud of. It had taken a lot to hold his hand properly after she'd come home from Chicago. Reaching for his hand showed her willingness to let him in and to share a closeness with him that she'd previously ripped away from him. The first time she'd done it and he'd taken her hand and squeezed it tight, she'd felt a flush of feelings flowing back through her – which cemented her decision. She'd absolutely made the right choice.

"What's that little smile for?" Danny's soft voice pulled her from her philosophical thoughts.

"Nothing." She giggled in reply; surprisingly uncaring at the fact that he'd watched her drift off into her own little world for a moment or two. "Just enjoying the walk." She squeezed his warm hand playfully.

He cast a glance in her direction before smiling and shaking his head. "I don't buy that for a second, but I'll leave it." He said, "For now at least." He then added with a wink.

With his apartment building in sight, Lindsay couldn't help the growl of her stomach, eagerly awaiting the pizza that had been infiltrating her senses for a good five minutes.

"Alright let's try and do this with a bit of dignity," he sighed as he stalled them so he could break away from holding her hand and began fishing in his pocket for his apartment keys. After a few moments of struggling, Lindsay lightly swatted Danny's hand away from his jeans pocket and instantly gathered the keys and began walking up the stairs to his building, him hot on her tail.

"I love how you do that."

"Do what?" she laughed over her shoulder.

"That," he gestured down to the keys, "You knew exactly what to do when you saw I was being a moron."

"Well, in your defence, you are juggling a pizza, Danny." She pointed out. "And anyway, figuring out what you were trying to do wasn't exactly rocket science, was it?"

He paused as he pinned her against the opened apartment door. "I love you, more than you know."

Deciding against a verbal response, Lindsay stood on her tiptoes and placed a soft, yet lingering kiss to his lips that told him everything he needed to know.

She loved him too.

* * *

><p>Their pizza had been devoured in about ten minutes; a new record for the both of them – with only the crumbs remaining in the pizza box and a few drops of marinara sauce from their side dish in the polystyrene container. They had both fallen into food comas about fifty seconds after Lindsay swallowed her last bite and had failed to move from where they were snuggled on the couch since.<p>

It was a nice feeling, Lindsay thought, to know that everything now was in place. She had no outstanding responsibilities to Patrick. Her stuff was neatly arranged in her apartment, and they were extremely happy together. Finally.

Although it had been a tough few weeks, Lindsay was proud of the distance they'd covered together. From standing in the airport, desperately searching for him in the arrivals lounge, to where they laid now was a testament to their determination to make their relationship work. And honestly, Lindsay had always had that determination somewhere inside of her because Danny had always been in the back of her mind. No matter how hard she'd tried, she'd never been able to forget about him, nor had she been able to cast aside the feelings that she still very much had for him. He angered her and made her cry. He frustrated her and on some days she felt like she could hate him. But, no matter how mad or upset she got, she could never forget those reasons why she'd fallen in love with him. There had always been a little voice in her mind that begged her to give him a chance; to not give up on him. And as she looked down at him from where she was laid on his chest, she was _so _glad she'd listened to that tiny voice.

She could feel herself being lulled to sleep by his fingers slowly finding a pathway up and down her back repeatedly. "You're going to send me to sleep if you carry on," she mumbled against his chest.

"So? So long as you don't drool on me like you did last night, I'll be okay."

"You said that was cute." She whined, snuggling her face into the crook of his neck. "I hope you weren't lying to me, mister."

"Oh it was cute," he smirked. "But a little gross, I mean come on Linds... it's not exactly the epitome of romance, is it?"

"The fact that I feel comfortable enough to do it surely says something."

"Hardly!" he smirked. "You were practically unconscious last night."

"Well either way," she scoffed as she raised her head and upper body from his chest. "I'm going to go and get changed... I don't wanna fall asleep in my clothes and I can see it happening."

"What's wrong with that, you've done it before. I can get you changed, babe."

"That's hardly romantic though, is it Danny?"

He shrugged playfully as she stood from the couch, and took his well placed opportunity to swat her on the ass. "I guess it's sayin' something if we still care about romance, right?"

Rolling her eyes, Lindsay grabbed her bag that she'd dropped randomly after they'd made it into the apartment. But, before she could excuse herself from the room, Danny grabbed her empty hand and tugged her back down to his lap. A little confused to begin with, Lindsay blinked up at him questioning his actions. "Uh, what ar-"

She fell short on finishing her sentence as Danny pressed his finger to her lips. Once he was sure that he'd silenced her, her tangled his fingers through her hair and guided her to his lips. In response, she dropped her bag; letting it thud to the floor. Her free hands gave her the chance to curl her fingertips around the material of Danny's short sleeves, appreciating the defined muscles that filled the material out.

Although the kiss had began sweetly, it was quickly turning into something more. She could feel Danny twisting underneath her, moving his body so that they lay across his couch with his head resting on the arm. She followed him, making sure she didn't break their contact, and eventually settled comfortably on top of him. It was then that she finally allowed herself to get lost in the moment. She could feel everything dissipating from her as she allowed all of her thoughts to be put on hold.

His roaming hands sent chills down her spine; warranting an automatic and unconscious moan from her in response. The intensity of their kiss didn't rocket like she'd expected it to; but rather he began to break away from her gently – a way of silently telling her that they were getting carried away and probably needed to stop before things went too far.

The only issue with that was; she wasn't sure whether she wanted him to stop.

He pressed a series of light kisses to her lips before finally breaking away from her. He smiled before whispering: "was that romantic enough for you?" against her lips, to which she could only nod.

* * *

><p>After a few moments of listening to their rapid breathing and watching their pounding chests, Lindsay had excused herself to the bathroom, where she was now standing and looking at her appearance in Danny's bathroom mirror.<p>

_This was it. _

After ten excruciatingly long minutes, she'd finally gathered up enough courage. Here she was in the tiny lingerie set that she'd debated on buying within the store for a good half hour. It looked okay on... but she hadn't been looking for _just _okay, and she was upset with herself for settling on something that she hadn't been happy with. From their make-out session minutes previous it was painfully obvious where their night together was heading. A lot was riding on tonight, and she'd put a lot of pressure on herself to make it perfect. She was being silly, because it wasn't as if it was their _first _time together..._ but_ it was as good as their first time. She was currently feeling the same butterflies as she had on the night that they'd first slept together. It had been a long time since they'd last been _that_ intimate and she couldn't help but fuss over her underwear, even though she was pretty sure it wouldn't spend too long on her body...

She heard his footsteps creak over the floorboards outside of the bathroom, leading into the bedroom and she took a deep breath. Perfect timing.

It was now or never.

* * *

><p>Danny quickly turned around in his bedroom, scanning the surfaces that were now flickering with candles. He'd tried to carefully creep past the bathroom a few times so that Lindsay didn't wonder what he was doing... but he knew he'd just blown his cover as the floorboard creaked loudly, right as he passed her.<p>

He didn't have any expectations for tonight as such... but he did have hopes. The candles were an aid in creating a mood, but if Lindsay still wasn't in that place then the candles could just add to their night.

But God did he hope she was in the mood.

Ever since their night in Chicago, he'd felt a shift in their relationship. It was like she was ready for them to move on... she'd put everything out there on the table and was ready to make the leap with him. But between work, busy schedules, life, dates and social outings with the team to celebrate her return, they'd found themselves unable to do anything but fall into bed next to each other at the end of the day. But tonight... tonight felt different. Even when he'd picked her up from the subway, there was a glistening in her eyes that told him that she was in a different place; that she had big plans for them tonight. Well... he did too.

Danny glanced up from where he'd been lighting the last candle, and as cliché as it was, he could feel the breath hitch in his throat. There, stood against his doorframe was his girlfriend in nothing but a blue lingerie set.

So maybe she _was _in the mood.

He shamefully couldn't string a sentence together as he soaked in her appearance. She looked absolutely gorgeous in what he could only assume was a new purchase... well; he hoped it was a new purchase. She'd asked him a few days ago what his favourite colour on her was, and he'd responded blue... and he'd thought nothing more of the subject when she turned up to work the next day in a soft blue sweater. She'd asked him if that was the blue he'd meant to which he'd given her a kiss and simply smiled. Now though, it was a little more obvious of why she'd conducted that little research study.

"What do you think?" her voice asked him softly.

"What do I think?" he spluttered, trying to find his voice. "You... you're... I think you look... amazing."

She blushed, the candlelight annunciating the pink of her cheeks delicately. "Really?"

"Really," he nodded, his throat raspy. "You look... wow."

"I'm nervous," she admitted quietly.

"Nervous? Baby, why the hell are you nervous? It's just us, there's nothin' to be nervous about. Besides, we don't have to do anythin' if you don't want; there's no pressure."

"I want everything to be perfect." She admitted quietly.

"It will be," he promised. "But we don't have to rush this."

"I know." She responded simply.

"Don't feel like you have to do this just because it seems like the next step... if you're not ready, that's okay, okay?" Danny said softly.

"I want this," she replied with the same soft tone. "I want you."

Danny observed her in the door way and couldn't help the desire raging through him. Judging from her expression and tone of voice, she was no longer nervous... and he could see in her eyes that this was no longer a game.

There was a part of him that sensed some hesitance within her. There was a heaviness in her eyes that conveyed to him what she was too scared to say herself. She was a little scared of giving herself to him all over again for him to walk away after. While she was much stronger, they both knew that if it came down to it, she wouldn't be able to take another brutal blow to the heart. He'd put her through some torture over the course of their relationship, and he knew that if they shared everything with one another now, there'd be no going back.

He closed the distance between them and swept Lindsay up in his arms as he carried her over to his bed and placed her on the mattress carefully, following her lead as she adjusted in her position. As they progressed towards the scattered pillows at the summit of Danny's bed, he could feel his heart pumping rapidly in his chest as if he was a teenager in over his head with a girl that was way out of his league. Although he'd known it since she'd walked back into his life, it felt like reality had struck him hard in the chest as she lay underneath him. Lindsay was everything he'd wanted and while he'd lost her once, he was damn sure that he was going to take the opportunity to show her that he wasn't ever letting her go again.

Feeling the urgency in Lindsay's touch, Danny fought the urge to succumb to her advances. They had all the time in the world, and the last thing he wanted was for them to rush. Gathering the courage to do so, Danny softly took her hands in his and held them against the mattress as he gazed down at her. His eyes silently conversed with her's; asking her to trust him as he took the lead. Her cheeks were flushed which accompanied her eyes that were swimming with desire for him; and he couldn't help but close the distance and kiss her.

That soft kiss soon escalated.

His shirt was tossed behind him haphazardly with his jeans and boxers following in the same haste. Now with a minimal amount of clothing separating them, Danny finally felt like he could give Lindsay the attention he'd been craving for since she'd returned. They'd come close to making love a number of times but had always stopped before they'd gotten too carried away. And while it had nearly killed Danny to slam the brakes on, he was now glad that they'd waited because he had no doubt in his mind that they were about to connect on a level that they'd failed to reach previously.

Trailing kisses down her neck, Danny paused when he got to the strap of her bra, peppering the area with kisses before he gripped the material with his teeth as he tugged it lightly from her shoulder. She arched towards him in appreciation for his inventive way of removing the constrictive piece of clothing; to which he could only smirk at. His hands, despite his initial hesitance wrapped around her slender back and carefully unclipped the clasp, holding the bra in place. As soon as he'd freed her, he didn't waste a moment in sending the bra in the same path that his clothing had taken.

When the chill of the room hit her, she shuddered under the intense glare of Danny. Her fingers followed the path down his back, appreciating the taut muscles and smooth skin before she pulled him close, so that he was covering her body with his.

Although he was aware of his arousal pressing into her hip, he tried to overlook the pressure in the pit of his stomach that was quickly building up. Instead, he buried his head in the crook of her neck and placed a series of strategic kisses that sent shivers down her spine. He could feel her arch into him as the kisses achieved Danny's desired effect; filling Danny with a pride that he still knew which buttons to push in order to pleasure Lindsay.

"Don't tease me," she whispered, breaking their silence. "Just make love to me."

He leant against her shoulder for a second before pulling back and smiling at her. Her hair was spread across one of his pillows, her cheeks were flushed and she was on the brink of arousal. And he was absolutely positive that she'd never looked more beautiful. He shifted slightly above her frame and slowly linked his fingers around the material of her panties; the last remaining item of clothing on their bodies. He began to remove the lingerie with great care before randomly throwing the item behind him, once again haphazardly.

His eyes soaked in her body appreciatively as he realised that there was nothing more separating them. "No going back," he whispered as he braced himself over her small frame. As a response, Lindsay simply wrapped her fingers around the chain of his Grandfather's dog-tag and pulled him towards her. That simple gesture told him everything he needed to know: she had no intentions of going back.

He connected them intimately and he could feel her moan reverberate against his shoulder.

Although it seemed like forever since they were last connected intimately; nothing had changed - she still felt the same way around him as she had every other time they'd made love. He wasn't sure how she managed it, but she filled him up with something that he just couldn't quite put his finger on. He'd never shared it with anyone else, nor had he been able to replicate it with anyone else. This feeling was something so uniquely tied to Lindsay; and if he was completely honest with himself, a part of him knew exactly what it was. She had been the first and only person that he'd given all of himself to. He'd never realised it, nor had he admitted it; but he'd given her a piece of him that he'd never been able to gain back from her. And although he wasn't sure what he had been expecting – he was relieved to find himself feeling just as much besotted with her as he did the first time that they'd made love.

Deciding that he'd given her enough time to adjust to his length, Danny began his rhythm slowly, which Lindsay joined him in almost instantly. Once they'd achieved the slow and steady rhythm, Danny brushed the hair from Lindsay's face gently before fusing his lips to her's. With every down-stroke Danny made, Lindsay met him halfway with her pelvis; trying to suppress her moans and cries of pleasure.

His eyes locked with her's and he couldn't help but wonder how different his life would have been had she not decided to come back. He most definitely wouldn't be making love to her right now. But further than that, he realised that his life would be an empty vat. He'd have work of course, and he'd have friends... but he wouldn't have Lindsay. And his time away from her made him realise just how important she was to him.

"I love you," he felt her whisper against his shoulder as she scrapped her nails down his back.

"I love you too." He replied, a soft timbre to his voice that he reserved for moments like this; tangled in the sheets with Lindsay.

Biting her lip to stop her cries, Lindsay arched towards him once again; the sensations and pleasure coursing through her body almost too much to keep contained. Making love with Danny had always been quite the pleasurable and explosive experience for Lindsay, but with the emotions and the sentiments that she'd brought to the table, she was finding it hard to keep an ounce of composure.

While she was confident enough to place her trust in him again, she was still slightly wary of giving everything to him. He'd shattered her trust in him, and it had taken a lot to find that confidence again – so now, it was almost like she was holding some of herself back as ransom. Almost like a security blanket to fall back on. If she didn't give him everything, she didn't lose everything if things fell to piece again.

_But would they_? She questioned herself. Judging by the look on his face and the loving kisses he was pressing to some of her most intimate areas, she had to wonder whether those changes she'd seen in him were genuine changes. She hoped so and deep down, she knew that he'd been brutally honest with himself in her absence. He knew the risks he ran if he chose to push her away and break her trust...

His arms tightened around her small frame, bringing her back down from her thought process; effectively making her crash back to their current reality. She could feel the knot in her stomach quickly tightening, which told her she was minutes from her fall into oblivion. Taking a breath, despite her heaving chest, Lindsay somehow managed to manipulate their position so that she was straddling Danny's lap; pinning him to the mattress, as she had been mere seconds previous.

Their new position gave Danny's wandering hands the perfect opportunity to fully appreciate Lindsay's body as she assumed the role of keeping their rhythm steady. His calloused fingers slid down Lindsay's back, settling on her thighs as he supported her movements against him. Feeling Lindsay's breath hitch against his shoulder, Danny took that as a hint that she was close, and with that she usually required him to help her fall over the proverbial edge; but as his fingers slowly worked their way over her body he felt her tremble against him, before her feminine muscles tightened around him. Her soft moans had been well suppressed throughout their lovemaking, but as she collided with the edge, she could no longer keep herself quiet. She cried out his name and gripped tightly to his arms, digging her fingertips in as she rode through the heights of her pleasure with him convulsing within her.

Danny searched out Lindsay's hands and linked both together and held them over his head as he managed only a few more thrusts before hitting his own climax; spilling everything he had within her.

For a few moments, they laid unmoving and gasping for breath. Lindsay tucked her head into the crook of Danny's neck, breathing against the sensitive area, as he unlaced their hands together and instead, ran his fingers over her back lovingly. It took them both a few minutes before they regained a steady rate of breathing; but neither had spoken a word since they'd hit their explosive climaxes.

Lindsay was the first to break the silence, as she extracted herself from his arms and tucked herself into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. "I just want you to know that this feeling," she whispered against his bare chest, "is the reason I never gave up on us, even when my better sense was telling me to let it go."

"Well, I'm glad you're stubborn." He whispered in return, trailing his fingers up and down her sides, "because in all honesty, I don't think I could have gone for the rest of my life not feelin' this."

"You're just a girl underneath your tough male exterior" she teased him, snuggling into his side. "You're just an emotional little girl."

"You know, how about you just give me a good kick in the balls and we'll call it even?" He scoffed. "I ain't a girl, babe. I just got feelin's now... and I'm better at expressing stuff. If I feel like tellin' you that I love you, then I'm not gonna hold back anymore."

"Well that's good to hear." Lindsay smiled against his chest. "But, if you're still offering that kick in the balls..."

"Get lost!" he laughed as his fingers flew to her sides, instantly finding the spot that sent her body convulsing at the tickling sensation.

"DANNY! Danny! Don't-"

Her squeals reduced to giggles as his fingers slowly ceased their attack. With one strategically placed kiss; Danny soon found himself straddling her lap once again.

"How you feel about a round two?" he lowered his voice as he whispered into her ear.

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it, the penultimate chapter. Hope it was okay. As always, I'd really love to hear what you thought! Thanks for checking in once again! :) <strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So here we are guys; the final chapter of this story. I'm not too sure what to say here because let's face it, I haven't completed many stories (see WYHTG, TPTFT etc. :p) so, I guess I just want to thank everyone who has checked in with this story and followed the journey that I took poor Danny and Lindsay on. I hope you guys have enjoyed the story as much as I have loved writing and developing it. It's nice to see it as the finish product, because it really has been a work-in-progress for over a year now, so I'm just really chuffed that the finished piece has turned out the way it has. **

**Enough of my rambling anyway, I'm just going to take the opportunity to thank everyone who checked in every time a chapter was updated, who added me to alerts and those who have reviewed. You guys are awesome and I have absolutely loved receiving all of your insightful thoughts. They've blown me away every time and all I can say is thank you so, so much!**

**So, one huge final thank you to:** saderia, Alice Quarantine, Meggie, afrozenheart412, rhymenocerous, brendanakai, 18lzytwner, Daisy1966, Gigglesforcsi and josilene.

* * *

><p><strong>Two years later.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>All In – Lifehouse<strong>

_There's no taking back; what we've got is too strong - we've had each other's back for too long. There's no breaking up this time. And you know it's okay, I came to my senses, letting go of my defences. There's no way I'm giving up this time._

* * *

><p>Bustling in through the door with the bags of groceries, Danny sighed as he heard his wife and daughter battle through bath and bedtime. He had been hoping that in the time it had taken him to run down to the bodega, Lucy would have calmed down a little from the ruckus that had been going on before he had left. He made his way through the apartment, setting the bags on the counter before he took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself to kick some toddler butt. With great effort, he wiped the smile from his face as he tossed his coat over the couch and headed down toward the bathroom; plastering his 'Daddy face' over his features.<p>

"Lucy, can you sit down please?" he heard Lindsay sigh as splashes from the bathtub could be heard from in the hallway. "Lucy! You're getting Mommy all wet, sit down."

Shrieking and giggling could be heard in response.

"Lucy, you better do what Mommy says before Daddy gets back."

"NO!"

"Don't you say no to me, Lucy. Sit down in this bathtub before you fall down."

"NO!"

"Mommy won't be wiping those baby girl tears when you hurt yourself."

"NO!" Lucy bellowed; for what Danny decided to be the last time.

He took a step, allowing Lucy to see him in the doorway. She caught his eyes and instantly stopped what she was doing.

Danny arched his eyebrows at their daughter, silently questioning what she was doing; which rendered her motionless as she stared with wide blue eyes. She'd come to recognise that when Daddy had his eyebrows arched she was in big trouble, and she had pushed the limits too far.

Lindsay moved away from the tub slightly, allowing Danny to take over.

"Lucy, can you tell Daddy when the rules changed and Mommy and I said it was okay for you to stand up in the bathtub?"

Lucy blinked back her tears.

Danny knelt by the side of the tub and picked up the baby sponge that Lindsay had been trying to use on Lucy. "Sit your butt down."

Lucy hesitated, to which Danny pursed his lips.

"I'll say it again, sit your butt down."

Lucy kicked the water slightly, trying to figure out whether Danny was joking or not.

"Alright, I'll tell it to you like this," Danny said as he swirled the water in the tub with his hand. "If you don't sit down in the next three seconds Daddy and Mommy won't even bother making sure you're squeaky clean and you can go straight to bed, make your decision."

Lucy kicked the water before plonking herself down in the shallow bath water.

"Good girl," Danny praised before handing the sponge to Lindsay and sitting up on the closed toilet seat. "I'm'a let Mommy get back to what she was _tryin'_ to do, k?"

Lucy nodded and turned in the water to smile at her mother.

"You hurt my feelings, Lucy." Lindsay said as she resumed bath-time. "A smile isn't going to make Mommy feel better right now."

Lucy's little eyes filled with tears.

"And don't start crying. You know what the deal is when it comes to bath time," Lindsay's tone was firm. "So long as Mommy or Daddy can make sure you're clean you can play for a while after. That's how it's always been..."

"Sowwwee Momeee."

"Mhmm," Lindsay nodded as she rinsed the soap suds from her daughter with an old plastic measuring jug that had been demoted from the kitchen to bathroom duty. "I don't think we really have time to play today, after all that messing around we were doing... It's a shame because both Mommy and Daddy are home tonight."

"I bees good! P'ease Mama!"

Lindsay sighed.

"No baby," Danny stepped in. "Mommy and Daddy need to clean up the bathroom from your splashes, and it's late. Maybe tomorrow we can play 'k?"

Lucy's eyes filled with tears as her bottom lip began to quiver.

"And tears won't make me or Mommy change our minds, baby girl."

Lucy huffed and turned to face the wall in the bathtub.

"Are we being too harsh?" Lindsay mouthed at Danny as he reached for Lucy's little towel.

He shook his head as he took his seat again on the closed toilet lid and unfolded her towel. "You have one minute more before it's time to get out Lucy," he told her before turning back to Lindsay and lowering his voice to a whisper. "Our routines get broken enough as it is, the ones we do have we need to make sure she keeps. Bath time is one of those things that she always tries to push the limits with and I think we're doing the right thing with keeping it the same. She knows the rules."

"But we forget she's only little." Lindsay countered.

"But we also forget she's the product of me and you..." Danny smiled at his wife. "She's a little brain box and she knows exactly how to work us."

Lindsay offered him a smile in return.

"We only want what's best for her," Danny reasoned before standing and bending to pick Lucy up. "Right little girl, your minute's up; it's time to get out."

Kicking her legs as Danny raised her from the water, Lucy cried as he wrapped her in the fluffy towel.

He let her kick for a moment or two before holding her away from him so she was suspended in the air. "You kick me again and I won't be impressed, Lucy."

Lucy took one last swing but missed.

"I think it's sleepy time," Danny said, trying to stay calm. "What do we think, Little Bear?"

"NO!" she sniffled.

"Mommy and Daddy are going to have sleepy time though," He smiled as he set Lucy on the floor, trying to keep the atmosphere happy. "It's time to go night night... Right Mommy?"

Lucy glared at her father before shuffling across the bathroom floor to where Lindsay was knelt, and collapsed in a little bunch on her mother's lap. She snuggled into Lindsay's arms as she rubbed her wet hair on Lindsay's top.

"Mama," Lucy sniffled. "Mama wubs me."

Danny smiled as he shook his head. "She does love you." He confirmed as Lindsay dried Lucy.

"Daddy no wub me."

"Daddy loves you with all of his heart, Lucy." Lindsay whispered into her daughter's ear. "And you know that."

"He no wub me."

"I don't when you make me sad like you're making me now by saying I don't love you," Danny teased his daughter. "That's like sayin' I don't love Mommy when I love her very very much."

Lucy glanced up at her mother as if she wanted confirmation of such.

"It's true," Lindsay nodded as she gathered up her little girl and snuggled her to her chest as she stood up. "Now, Lucy is going to bed, and hopefully we can try bath time again tomorrow and it'll be more successful, right?"

Lucy nodded slowly.

Lindsay glanced at her husband before turning back to her daughter and whispering in her ear. "Do you think maybe we could go and give Daddy a little love?"

"Nope."

"I think we can," Lindsay coaxed.

"No!"

"Alright then," Danny shrugged as he picked up a towel and began to soak up the pool of water that had collected by the bathtub. "I'll see you tomorrow night when I get home from work, okay Little Bear?"

Lucy hesitated as she slowly began to realise that she was going to bed without any hugs or kisses from her Daddy. She let out a little sigh before nodding tearfully. "'Tay."

"Okay." Danny shrugged before turning his back to his daughter.

"Mama!" Lucy whispered as she tugged on Lindsay's top.

"What?" Lindsay inquired as she and Lucy headed out of the small bathroom.

"Dada sad."

"He is sad." Lindsay nodded as they continued down the hallway. "Perhaps tomorrow you and him can have lots of cuddles."

"Me Dada." Lucy sniffled. "Daddy! Back Mama, back!"

Turning the corner, Lindsay could see the smirk tugging at her husband's lips as he turned his attention away from the bathroom floor. "What's that Lucy?"

* * *

><p>Just over an hour later, Lindsay glanced up from the book she'd been lost in as she watched her husband enter the room. She offered him a weak smile but focused her eyes back to her book almost instantly. "I put the groceries away."<p>

"Oh thanks, I totally forgot about them." Danny said gratefully ."She's finally asleep; she fought it till the very end. Kept askin' me if I was sad - it just about broke my heart watching her think that I was mad with her."

"She'll have forgotten about it in the morning," Lindsay shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it."

Silence fell between them as he took a seat next to his wife on the couch and gently placed her feet on his lap. "Linds-"

"Don't, alright." She cut him off, her eyes not leaving her page. "Just don't."

"About earlier," he continued on regardless of her pleas for him to stop. "I'm sorry baby."

"I'm sure you are," She snipped. "Look, just leave it okay. We managed to get through bath time with her none the wiser and she's so perceptive that usually we don't get anything passed her, so as far as I'm concerned everything's fine. I'm done arguing with you."

"That's crap and you know it. You're still pissed."

"So?" Lindsay implored. "When has that ever mattered in the past?"

Danny fought the urge to roll his eyes at the dramatics his wife was giving him. "Babe, come on. At least talk to me about it."

"Don't Danny."

"Come on, Linds." He ran his finger to the arch of her foot, where he knew for a fact she was deathly ticklish.

"Stop it!" she growled.

"Linds... I'm not letting up on it." He continued to playfully tickle the arch of her foot, hoping that she let her defences down a little bit.

"What part of don't and stop don't you understand, Danny?" She questioned, shrugging away from him.

"Linds, I think I need to explain."

"No, you made everything crystal clear." She snapped at him, slamming her book on the arm of the chair. "Whatever it is that you're doing, in secret I may add, has got 'nothing to do with me' and I should 'mind my own damn business'. So that's exactly what I'm doing... so you get back to doing whatever it is you're doing behind my back."

Danny sighed. He knew he was in shit, and he had no other way out but to just tell her the whole truth. As much as he wanted it to be a surprise and for everything to be properly in place before he let her in on his little 'secret', he couldn't keep it up. She'd busted him and it didn't look too good on the horizon; he sure as hell didn't fancy himself as a potential candidate for the couch over the next week. "I blew up and I shouldn't have, I didn't mean it babe."

"Sure sounded like you did."

"I didn't," he sighed. "Listen, there's something I need to show you. I think it'll kinda explain why I was so-"

"Shitty, horrible, mean, unnecessarily snappy, insistent on creating some type of atmosphere?"

"To name but a few!" he mused. "Geez Linds."

"Danny, no." She shook her head. "Don't make a joke out of my feelings, okay? I'm not exactly in a tolerant kind of mood. You hurt my feelings and upset me. I didn't do anything wrong and you were absolutely vile to me. Just leave me alone."

Danny sighed as he realised just how far he'd pushed Lindsay's sensitive feelings when he'd snapped at her earlier. He hadn't meant to be horrible to her. And he wasn't deliberately keeping secrets from her. That was far from it. He'd worked hard over the past two years to let her in wholly and completely, and in his honest (and perhaps slightly biased) opinion he'd done one hell of an amazing job. Now, when something was on his mind, or he was struggling with something, he didn't lock it away but he shared it with Lindsay, and together they came up with solutions and ways for him to deal with whatever it was that had been bothering him.

He was also proud to admit that he'd provided her with the key to every part of him... literally. About a month after she'd returned to New York, he handed her a box and told her to open it. Her heart had been thumping and she'd slowly opened it; completely unaware of what to expect. Her expression had been priceless when she looked up and he had dipped down to one knee in the middle of the fancy restaurant he'd taken her to. She'd taken the key from it's box and fiddled with it between her fingers. Eventually, when she found her voice, she looked to him with about a million questions in her eyes but asked him only one.

"Why are you on your knee?"

He'd laughed and taken the key from her fingers and held it up between them. He then went onto explain that it was the key to his life.

She'd smiled and nodded as she accepted it back from him. She paused then though and furrowed her brow as she went searching in her purse for her keys. She pulled out the collection of key rings and keys and measured her's up with the one Danny had just given her.

"This is an exact replica of mine. This is the key to my apartment."

"It's the key you gave me for emergencies," he said.

"Okay," She'd said cautiously, "Well, why are you giving it back?"

He'd offered her a smile before explaining. "Because I don't need it anymore-" He'd then paused and shook his head. "I've got a new key for you."

"You do?" she'd questioned him with puzzled eyes.

"Yeah." He dug in his jacket pocket and pulled out a key on a single key-ring. "That's a key to my new apartment... that I want you to move into... with me."

Her mouth dropped as she accepted the key into the palm of her hand. "What? Really?" she asked breathlessly. "Seriously?"

He nodded. "I signed the papers yesterday. My lease doesn't start for a month, but yeah. I figured with our new start, a new apartment would be a good idea... Remember I showed you those pictures of the two apartments I'd been looking at?"

"For your friend." She added.

He smirked. "See, I'd narrowed it down to those two and I wanted you to have the final say on which one you liked more."

"I knew there was something fishy about that." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"There's something else though too."

Taking a deep breath, Lindsay let out a disbelieving giggle. "I don't know how many more surprises I can take."

"Well," he smirked. "See the thing is-" he trailed off, adding suspense to his surprise.

"Spit it out!" she cried.

"The paperwork isn't actually complete yet; the landlord asked me if it was just going to be my name on the contract, and I got to thinking... I know your lease is a month to month thing, and if you wanted to, well, I figured you could-"

"I could what?" she smiled, refusing to take pity on him as he struggled with his sentences.

"Not renew your lease and sign the contract with me."

Her eyes filled with tears as her eyes soaked in his image. It was blindly obvious that he was deadly serious about this. She could feel her heart racing and her chest constricting with emotions over the thought that he'd clearly put into this.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out after a few moments of extended silence. "I sprung that on you and I didn't even ask, I just heard it back and it's a really stupid idea. You only just got back and we're really only just starting back up properly and I-"

"Actually," she smiled, looping her fingers in the collar of his dress shirt, she pulled him towards her and placed a soft kiss to his lips. "It was pretty cute." She paused for a second and pulled him even closer. "However, if you ever freak me out in the middle of a restaurant on one knee ever again, I'll have no other choice but to kill you."

"So, are you saying-?"

"I'm saying yes," she had nodded, cupping his cheeks with her hands and pressing her lips to his.

Applause erupted around them as fellow diners assumed that Lindsay had just accepted a marriage proposal. Thinking quickly on her feet, Lindsay swapped her Grandmother's promise ring from her middle finger to her left ring finger and admired it. Flashing a smile and a shrug in Danny's direction as he stood from where he'd been knelt on the floor.

Granted he hadn't really planned on getting down onto one knee, but that display had gained them a free bottle of wine on the house and a fifteen percent discount on their dinner... and with the bill that he'd been presented with at the end of their meal, the fifteen percent discount was a Godsend.

Although he'd momentarily regretting springing the idea onto her in the middle of a busy restaurant, the sentiment had worked, and after that night Danny found it a lot easier to bear all to Lindsay. Sharing his living space opened him up to the idea of sharing his heart with her too.

He knew that she appreciated the fact that he didn't bottle his emotions up like he had in the past. They both had known from very early on in their third attempt of a relationship that they had a lot to talk about. And although it had been hard living together and making adjustments to being around one another constantly, he'd told her things that he never thought he'd get the chance to say. It had taken guts, but he'd shared with her everything that he'd been feeling when she moved away. He told her how he felt when she walked out of his life. How he'd been desperate to tell her how he felt but he'd never gathered up the courage. He told her that he remembered the last words she'd said to him before she'd let the office door shut. He told her that he constantly had to fight the overwhelming urge to board the next flight to Chicago and fight for her. Bring her back home with him, where she belonged... but he never had because after much internal discussion with himself, he realised and understood that she needed to be able to move on if that had been what she wanted. It wasn't fair of him to hone in on her when she was with Patrick. That's why he'd backed off and let her go. He'd realised that his turn was up with her and it had been someone else's turn to make her happy. If he loved her, he thought, then he could do that for her; one last act of affection of putting her feelings and needs before his own. He just lucked out when it turned out that she came back to him.

Lucy, their daughter, had been a surprise. A fantastic and adored surprise, but a scary surprise nonetheless. A missed pill somewhere along the line, mixed with some antibiotics, and a night of passion had brought them to a Doctor's office just three months after Lindsay had gotten back. And rather than run away from the fright and responsibilities that he felt being pushed down onto his shoulders, he brushed it all off, grasped onto Lindsay's trembling hand and squeezed it tight. She had been just as scared as he was; but if he was going to make it work between them like he'd promised her, he couldn't be running off to collect his thoughts. Not when she needed him.

It wasn't until they heard their daughter's first heartbeat over the monitor, that Danny realised the prospect of becoming a father wasn't scary anymore. His daughter's heartbeat was anything but scary. Magic, if he had to find a word to describe it.

With the news of his daughter, Danny had been made to re-evaluate a lot of areas in his life. He loved Lindsay. He always had, and he knew now that he always would. She was his soulmate and the love of his life. He spent practically every waking moment with her, and spent every night buried under their comforter, in their bed, in their apartment with her. She was the mother to his unborn baby girl. She was sacrificing her body for their daughter, accepting all the changes, cravings, aches and pains with nothing but a smile. And she was his girlfriend. It was just... he wasn't sure how he felt about her _just_ being his girlfriend.

So with what she'd warned him with before; _if you ever freak me out in the middle of a restaurant on one knee ever again, I'll have no other choice but to kill you._ He'd considered ways that he could maybe ask her to marry him. He had elaborate ideas ranging from the top of the Empire State Building; a scavenger hunt, leading her to him waiting for her in their candlelit apartment; a midnight picnic in Central Park; the tiger enclosure at the Bronx Zoo... except, none of those ideas felt right.

He'd carried the ring around with him for weeks, desperately looking for the right moment to ask her. He'd been close to asking her a few times, but he'd always chicken out right at the last second. One morning however, it had felt right. The right time. The right place. He'd woken before her on the morning of one of her scheduled ultrasound appointments; therefore giving them a rare morning off together. Anxiety and nervousness had taken up full residency in the pit of his stomach as he'd turned and pulled open his drawer and reached for the well hidden box. He toyed with it for a few seconds before collecting it in his hand and shutting the drawer.

He'd closed his eyes and settled against their headboard for a second as he took a deep breath or two, steeling himself for what he was about to do.

He didn't want to wake her, so he pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto her right hand carefully. He pressed a kiss to the ring and ran his fingertips over her arm, tickling her slightly and making her stir from her slumber.

Her eyelashes fluttered for a few seconds before her brown eyes peered up at him and she offered him a smile as he towered over her.

"Mornin'," she drawled.

"Morning baby," he smiled. "How you feelin'?"

"Excited." She smiled brightly. "I can't wait to see her today, what are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," he shrugged noncommittally. "Too excited I guess."

She offered him a smile and stretched, letting out a huge yawn. After her stretch she reached out to his hand, but fell short on taking his'. Her eyes had been drawn to the ring on her finger and as a result, she'd stopped in her tracks and could do nothing but simply stare at the beautiful ring.

"What's this?" she blinked down at her hand as she brought it closer to her face.

He took a deep breath. "I want to make sure this is what you want. I don't want to make you feel like we're moving too fast, but I really want this... I want us Lindsay. I want you, all of you, forever. But, if you want it to be a promise ring for the future because you're not ready just yet, then that's what it can be. If you want me to put it away for later then that's okay too. It can be whatever you want it to be, Linds."

"What did you buy it as?" she asked, trying to keep her tone steady.

"I bought it as an engagement ring." He admitted. He slipped the ring from her finger and held it between his fingertips in between them. "I love you, Lindsay. I've always loved you. I love our baby; there's just one thing missing from our life..."

She didn't bother fighting the smile on her lips. "So what is it that you're saying?"

He shook his head and smirked at her stubbornness to meet him half way.

"I love you Lindsay, will you marry me?"

There was no hesitation from his girlfriend. "Absolutely," she whispered.

* * *

><p>"Hello, earth to Danny?" Lindsay nudged him.<p>

"Huh? What?"

"You seemed a little lost in your own world for a minute there." She chuckled, despite her annoyance at him. "One minute you were demanding I listen to why you were so mean to me and the next you were just staring at me with a dazed look on your face."

"I was just thinking about us. How far we've come; I'm proud of us."

She nodded thoughtfully. "It's been quite the ride," she smiled, twisting her wedding band on her finger. "I wouldn't have had it any other way though." She paused and the smile on her face fell. "However, that doesn't mean that I'm any less mad with you though. You really hurt my feelings earlier. I was only showing interest in whatever it was you were looking at."

"I know baby, and about that... don't get mad with me, okay? And let me explain first."

She took a deep breath and nodded, concerned about what she'd just agreed to.

He stood from his place on the couch and padded the short distance between their living room and the small breakfast bar where his laptop still sat. He opened the lid and powered up the handheld item as he made his way back to Lindsay. He kept it the screen out of sight while his fingers tapped the keys and he manipulated the mouse.

"Alright," he sighed, taking a deep breath. He slowly turned the laptop to face her and then handed it to her. She took it wordlessly and let her eyes scan the screen. He sat back silently as he waited for her reaction to what he'd just presented to her.

"What's this?" She asked, her eyes still searching the words on the screen in front of her for some form of answer.

"It's the Sergeant's exam, well the prep test. Almost like a –what to expect on the day- kind of thing." Danny explained.

"Are you thinking of taking the Sergeant's exam?" she questioned.

"Yeah," he nodded. "What do you think?"

"I'm a little shocked and confused." She admitted. "Where has this come from?" She asked.

"Well, I know that you miss working full time but with the amount of guys Mac's got he can't give you that. And well, I got to thinkin' and I figured that if I wasn't there, there would be a full time position there for you. You've been waiting a long time to get back in the lab properly and-"

"Danny, you can't go for the Sergeant position if you don't genuinely want it. Hell you can't leave the lab just so that I have something to do during the day. We have Lucy to think about and me working part time fits perfectly. It'd be silly to change what we have, wouldn't it?"

"Well, not exactly," he admitted. "I've been thinking about this for a while."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Lindsay implored. "Danny, this is great."

"Well, I know it'd be a great opportunity, but I don't have much time kicking around as it is, and the last thing I thought that we needed was me having even less time to spend with you guys. I love you both so much and a lot of the time I feel like I miss out on special things with you two because I'm stuck at work."

"We know that you would be here if you could though, Danny. Maybe we could talk to Mac... we could maybe divide our hours more evenly?" she suggested. "Give me more hours, give you more time off."

"I already thought about that." Danny said. "But, have you seen what a Sergeant makes Lindsay? A hell of a lot more than what I'm on now. So with that, and you being able to take on a full time role, we'd be better off financially. Not to mention that it's something I've always envisioned myself doing... and I think it'd be good for us."

"Good for us?" she asked with an arched brow.

"Yeah," he nodded. "In a few years we'll be able to buy a house somewhere... or at the very least buy an apartment. Get somewhere bigger. Lucy can go to day-care. Mac's already said he'll work with us and get you on shifts that would coincide with Lucy as best as he could. Abby said on numerous occasions that she's more than willing to work with us so that she can have you as her partner. You know how I'm a pain in her ass. She adores you. I think it could work really well."

"You've been... you've been thinking about all of this?" she asked, slowly edging towards him on the couch. "Like, you've been seriously thinking about it all?"

Danny nodded as he took the laptop from her and pulled up a recently viewed webpage. "I know this won't be on the market when we get round to lookin' but I'd love something like this for us." He turned the screen to face her and she couldn't help the attack of butterflies and emotions that overcame her when she realised what she had been presented with.

"That's a three bedroomed house Danny, in a residential neighbourhood with a picket fence and a driveway."

"I see that," he smirked. "What, you surprised or something?"

"Well, yeah!" she spluttered, tears welling in her eyes. "I had no idea what you were doing three hours ago... if I had known that you were planning our future I might not have been so harsh on you," she blushed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up in case something happens and this doesn't work out for us. I don't want to put your hopes into me for me to just fail."

"Baby, you wouldn't fail," she said, stroking his cheek affectionately.

"There's no guarantee that I'll get it, Linds."

"So what?" she shrugged. "It's no big deal; if you don't get it, you don't get it." she reasoned. "So long as you try your best that's all I can ask from you. I'll be proud of you no matter what happens. Whether you get it, whether you don't... the fact that you've tried is enough for me. And I'll do whatever I can to help you, you know that."

He smiled and nodded. "I might need your help with some of the questions, fine tune some of the details, that kind of thing."

She nodded, "Anything I can do to help." She then paused and narrowed her eyes at him; not in an angry way but in a thoughtful way; it seemed to him like she was just realising how much she loved him.

"What?" he grinned at her.

"I can't believe you're thinking about our future like this." She smiled brightly. "What else have you been thinking about?"

He shrugged, not wanting to share all that he'd been thinking about with her out a fear of embarrassing himself.

"No, go on," she smiled. "Tell me."

"Well," he sighed, relenting. "I'm glad we had the chance to make another go of us. I don't know where I would be if you hadn't have come back. I mean we wouldn't have our beautiful daughter. I wouldn't have my gorgeous wife... and you wouldn't have this screw up of a husband."

"Hey!" she chastised him by elbowing him in the side. "Don't talk about my husband like that. He's tried really hard to mend my broken heart over the past few years. He's done a good job too. He's a caring husband and he loves me a lot... and he's a brilliant father to his baby girl. His daughter worships the ground he walks on. And I will have you know that I have it on good authority that his daughter and wife love him very much; so you back off and leave him alone."

He took the laptop from her and shuffled closer to her on the couch and wrapped his arm around her, prompting her to snuggle into his side. "I love you too, baby." He smiled, and then decided to add: "So I'm forgiven?"

"Just this once," she smirked at him before leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. She snuggled even further in his side and clasped their hands together; his fingers sliding through her's perfectly. She smiled as she gazed down at her wedding band and engagement ring that glistened in the dull light of the room.

A lot had changed in Danny Messer and Lindsay Monroe's life from that infamous argument years ago. He'd grown and she had found ways to penetrate the walls that he built around himself. Together, they managed to find a common ground where they were more understanding and perceptive of the other's feelings. They understood when they needed to push, and when was the best time to back away and wait for that little voice from the other, pleading for a bit of help.

Maintaining their relationship was tough and sometimes they both felt like they'd had enough; like their only option was to throw in the towel and call it a day on their marriage. But then they'd remind themselves of how they felt back when everything was slipping through their fingertips. And when that would happen, they'd grip onto each other, unwilling to let go of something that they'd fought so hard for. It had taken a lot to find their place, but they'd gotten there. Eventually. They both knew that when it came to their love for one another, they'd always find a way to make it work. They had no choice; their alternative of being away from one another didn't work for them.

Their love was up against the odds. But love, they had come to realise over time was more than just part of a sentence that they said to one another at various points throughout their day. Their love was sustained through their dedication and determination to make their marriage work. Things could get tough. Things could get loud and angry and frustrated. Things could get tearful and hurtful. But so long as they had each other's back everything would be okay; whether it would be a minute later, an hour later or two days later. Tears would be swiped away and apologises would be made... and Danny would carry his pillows and blanket back to their bedroom and retake his side of the bed.

They were all in with everything they had; holding on to everything that they were with tight grips because neither of them was willing to let their relationship slip through their fingertips.

Not again, not ever.

* * *

><p><strong>Now I'm positive that you do not need this explaining, because well.. yeah, but I just wanted to put out there that I wanted to convey that no matter what had happened Danny and Lindsay would end up doing the same things that they have in the show, such has have Lucy and Danny go for Sergeant because I'm a huge believer in your life is mapped out for you... so yeah, just something I wanted to show. I know Danny isn't a sergeant any more but felt it was important to keep it in even though I wrote this a while ago. <strong>

**That's it anyway, folks. I really hope you like where we've ended up. I think it's a justified ending and I hope you think so too. I'd love to know what you think. **

**Thank you so much for reading. **


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